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  • #1

    Landover Baptist vs Flying Spaghetti Monster

    I dunno, found this Landover Baptist thingy totally by accident. Here to fore I've been something of a fan/adherent of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and [satanic link deleted]. Which do you think is more worthy of my eternal damnation, my registration with Landover Baptist, or my affiliation with the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

    Pray for me.
    Last edited by Pastor Ezekiel; 06-29-2008, 10:37 PM. Reason: satanic link deleted
    Tags: fsm:unholy noodle cult
  • #2
    Re: Landover Baptist vs Flying Spaghetti Monster

    Are you 'dusted"? I mean are you on that PCB stuff?
    Matthew:
    5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
    5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
    10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
    10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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    • #3
      Re: Landover Baptist vs Flying Spaghetti Monster

      You're only here to mock us. If you don't care enough to make up your own mind, why should we?
      Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.

      1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .

      A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
       Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .
      LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27

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      • #4
        Re: Landover Baptist vs Flying Spaghetti Monster

        Who is Jesus having for dinner tonight?
        May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

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        • #5
          Re: Landover Baptist vs Flying Spaghetti Monster

          Jesus is the only way to the Father. If I'm mistaken, then please do show me where in the Holy King James Bible it says that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is another way to the Father. Go on; I'll wait.
          This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

          Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

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          • #6
            Re: Landover Baptist vs Flying Spaghetti Monster

            Wow, my first post and my name has been changed and my posts edited. What a whacky demented holy crew you are! I guess newbies aren't at all welcome. Bummer.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Landover Baptist vs Flying Spaghetti Monster

              Your Satanic link is broken, and has been BTW.


              Leviticus 26:27-29

              27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
              28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
              29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Landover Baptist vs Flying Spaghetti Monster

                Originally posted by spagettiparrot View Post
                I dunno, found this Landover Baptist thingy totally by accident. Here to fore I've been something of a fan/adherent of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and [satanic link deleted]. Which do you think is more worthy of my eternal damnation, my registration with Landover Baptist, or my affiliation with the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

                Pray for me.
                The flying spaghetti monster is a false god and a joke created by mockers of Christ out of arrogance.

                Jesus Christ is the only begotten son of God, who offered himself as a human sacrifice in temporary death to cleanse our sins with His blood. He is as real as the very fires of hell that you are bound for.

                We do not tolerate God mockers here. You might want to re-think your childish strategy to "freak out the christers" with your clever talk of fakery. For the Bible says that you are a fool.

                Psalm 14:1 The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.

                Are you related to snottyduck by any chance? He's another God mocking fool who pesters us on occasion. Are you two both queers who fornicate with fowls?
                Who Will Jesus Damn?

                Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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                • #9
                  Re: Landover Baptist vs Flying Spaghetti Monster

                  Originally posted by spagettiparrot View Post
                  Wow, my first post and my name has been changed and my posts edited. What a whacky demented holy crew you are! I guess newbies aren't at all welcome. Bummer.
                  Our church has a large banner stating "UNSAVED, UNWELCOME" for a reason.

                  Luke 9:5 And whosoever will not receive you, when ye go out of that city, shake off the very dust from your feet for a testimony against them.
                  Who Will Jesus Damn?

                  Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                  Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                  Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Landover Baptist vs Flying Spaghetti Monster

                    Originally posted by spagettiparrot View Post
                    I dunno, found this Landover Baptist thingy totally by accident. Here to fore I've been something of a fan/adherent of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and [satanic link deleted]. Which do you think is more worthy of my eternal damnation, my registration with Landover Baptist, or my affiliation with the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

                    Pray for me.
                    What a strange question. Let’s alter the proper nouns and see where we end up…

                    I dunno, found this Holman Hunt Painting thingy totally by accident. Here to fore I've been something of a fan/adherent of the rabid nancy boy Andy Warhol and [satanic link deleted]. Which do you think is more worthy of my eternal damnation, my registration with Holman Hunt, or my affiliation with the rabid nancy boy Andy Warhol?
                    Compare the pictures, now which one are you going to have hanging in pride of place in your home?
                    Last edited by Ezekiel Bathfire; 08-02-2008, 01:39 PM.
                    sigpic


                    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                    Author of such illuminating essays as,
                    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Landover Baptist vs Flying Spaghetti Monster

                      Never heard of Holman Hunt. Have heard of Andy Warhol. Even recognize Marilyn.

                      And please PLEASE accept my apologies for acting like an asshat.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Landover Baptist vs Flying Spaghetti Monster

                        Originally posted by spagettiparrot View Post
                        Never heard of Holman Hunt. Have heard of Andy Warhol. Even recognize Marilyn.

                        And please PLEASE accept my apologies for acting like an asshat.
                        Being aware of your asshathood is a good start.

                        Jesus will guide you the rest of the way.


                        Leviticus 26:27-29

                        27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
                        28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
                        29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Landover Baptist vs Flying Spaghetti Monster

                          Are you really in Costa Rica? There is certainly room for a Landover overseas mission in your pathetic country. Jesus has room in his heart for everyone, but they must want to be saved. Hopefully you are on your way to seeing the light and joining His Glorious War of Grace. Stranger things have happened.
                          May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

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