Baptist Preacher Snake-bitten!

[Father Maurice Lester]

Why do these Baptist cultists insist on doing the dumbest things known to mankind?

I suppose that the various Baptist snake-oil salesmen (see: Pastor Zeke) need to get their snake oil from fellow Baptist snake handlers... what else can it be?

This is the kind of bizarre behavior that has come to define the far right of the Evangelakill movement and yet another good reason for folks to quit these crazy cults and seek out the Holy Roman Church where we don't have this kind of sorry behavior.





Bless you, my venom valetudinarians,
Father Mo




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[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Baptist Preacher Snake-bitten!

Dear Dimwitted Ring-kisser;

The fact that you don't know he difference between a Pentacostal (false Christian) and a Baptist (True Christian(tm)) does not surprise me.

The Pentecostal holy man refused to go to the hospital or accept any medical treatment, police said.

What does surprise me is that you have managed to stay out of prison for so long. Apparently your bishop does a good job of transferring you from one godless diocese to another, keeping you one step ahead of the law.

Just remember, Christ Jesus has a special place in hell reserved for you.

I'll be the one up in Heaven, enjoying a cold beer with Jesus while we both laugh ourselves silly as you scream for all eternity.

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel (Baptist, not Pentacostal)

[Levi Jones]

Re: Baptist Preacher Snake-bitten!

Dear Dimwitted Ring-kisser;

--Pastor Ezekiel (Baptist, not Pentacostal)

Shout glory.

Pentecostals: Demon possessed gibberish speakers for Satan.

If they were True Christians™, this snake bite would not have harmed him, as Jesus tells us.

Mark 16:17-19
17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
19 So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God.

[Jedediah]

Re: Baptist Preacher Snake-bitten!

Amen. I start out every morning with a post-jog shot of Formula 409 to reaffirm my faith in Christ. Anyone who truly believes Jesus' words should not fear to do likewise.

The fact that this "pastor" was not only bitten by the snake, but also not miraculously cured of the venom, only serves as concrete evidence that he was no True Christian™.

[Pastor Ed Lowman]

Re: Baptist Preacher Snake-bitten!

I get so tired of the ungodly accusing us Spirit-filled Baptists of being hellbound pennycostal holy-rollers just because Landover once offered a "Speak in Tongues in Five Days or Your Money Back" deal! And this is just the icing on the cake. Burns me up, I tell you.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Baptist Preacher Snake-bitten!

Oh dear Mr. Lester. Again, a total failure on your part.

You have already been corrected on there being a small difference (like: HELL) between Baptists and Pantycoastals.

Now let me tell you another story: even your analogy is a bit off.

Not that I believe in science, but the lab coats actually are convinced that snake oil is good for you. See, when it was brought to the US by the chinks, some people reported they started feeling much better after ingesting it. Now, I don't want to use curses on this forum, but in a nutshell, they later found out that snake oil - made from sea snakes, not land snakes, dummy - contained large amounts of omega3 (sorry Jesus!).

So snake oil was a good thing as long as it was the REAL thing. Like us Baptists are the real thing.

But then, con artists started selling all kinds of oily stuff - and I suppose I have to admire their thrift - that had nothing to do with sea snakes. This fake oil - much like Catholicism - didn't work for the people (for obvious reasons), which caused snake oil to acquire it's negative connotation. It was all about money, not about soothing, not about the REAL ingredient. Again, much like Catholicism,but you might not agree there I suppose.

Lesson: do your research before spouting such nonsense. And start praising the correct LORD, to avoid the following fate:

Numbers 21:6:And the Lord sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.

In Christ,

Wide-Open

[Russell Holbeck]

Re: Baptist Preacher Snake-bitten!

Hello Father Maurice Lester.

I have been to the Vatican it is very pretty there were a lot of Japanese tourists but the Catholics also seem to have a fascination with snakes maybe they are part Pentacostal.

There is a statue there called Laocoön and His Sons and it has a snake wrapped around three naked men and you can see their privates. I will post a picture here but if there are any women reading this thread please do not look at the marble penises.

Ladies this is your last chance please hit the back arrow on your browser hit it twice to make sure.



I did not take that picture I had a Kodak Disc camera and I went to Venice the next day and dropped the film in a canal when I was changing it Ronald Reagan was President then.

Thank you.

Rusty

[Wide-Open]

Re: Baptist Preacher Snake-bitten!

Rusty, those are large... snakes.

It almost looks like the man in the middle is trying to put the head into his... his... I can not finish this sentence.

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: Baptist Preacher Snake-bitten!

The first and foremost 'snake-oil' salesman in history and literature was Satan! This was long before any Chinese folks were rubbing themselves with dubious lotions while navvies on foreign soil.


Try reading Genesis... even the KJV version makes it clear where the idea of being sold a false bill of goods comes from!


Just when I think you cultists could not be any further from fundamental concepts you still manage to prove me wrong.




Bless you, my serpentine suckers,
Father Mo



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[Wide-Open]

Re: Baptist Preacher Snake-bitten!

Well well, "father" Lester.

Unless someone tampered with my trusty KJV, I do not recall that Eve sucked the oil out of a snake. You do know the difference between apples and snakes, right?

If not, I would not advice you to get into gardening. Nor would I accept apple pie from you.

In Christ,

Wide-Open

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Baptist Preacher Snake-bitten!

I remember taking part surveying Vietnam Vets who had drunk gallons of "Agent Orange." The results were clear: True Christians(tm) never suffered side-effects, it was always the "others".

As an aside, some of you may remember Sister JennyD who was plied with LSD by that gypsy she was trying to convert who had a moustache called Romeo. She said she saw hosts of Angels singing and The Lord Behind and above them in All His Glory!

Mind you, she saw that sort of thing all the time but she said that this was just a bit more colorful and that could have been her faith strengthening.

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Re: Baptist Preacher Snake-bitten!

No matter what the outcome, letting a poisonous snake bite you will teach you!


You may learn you are stronger than the serpent.
You may learn you can overcome the poison of the serpent with faith.
You may learn that good triumphs over evil
You may learn not to mess with snakes.


Either way, it is a blessing from Jesus somehow!