Poems about the Gospels

[Meek and Humble]

Jesus came to fulfill EVERYTHING in the Old Testament
He spoke in parables to make sure people went to hell!
Jesus was so wonderful, he even had two lineages
And even though the people He grew up with did not believe
He can still send evil spirits into pigs!
Jesus will destroy your unbelievers, even worst than Sodom and Gomorrah!
He'll destroy all the people He made sure would never know the truth!
God made sure he blinded their eyes and hardened their hearts, if He hadn't they would have believed!
And afterwards God will punish them for eternity, since they didn't believe!
God will reward you if you leave your wife and families to follow Him!
Thank God only the foolish and ignorant listen to Him!
Never those people with whom He grew up with!
If you believe and are baptised, you won't be damned for all time!
You have to hate your entire family, and yourself!
Jesus will give you a big reward when you abandon your children!
Whatever men like, you can be sure God hates!
And then the Jews killed Him, and we can blame all their descendants for that crime!
So as Jesus taught, slay all those who do not obey God!
Everyone will hate us, and kill us, but we'll never be harmed!
And he'll return, before this generation passes away!

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

[Meek and Humble]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

A Poem Based on Job

Satan walks up and down the earth, before going to the meeting in Heaven
God lets Satan punish the best person, and leaves all the sinners be!
To punish Job, God kills all of his children!
And every square inch of his body is covered with boils!
But Job won't curse God, because he knows if he did, he'd die instantaneously!
Instead he curses the day he was born
And accuses God of cursing Him for no reason!
God will laugh at the trial of the innocent!
Amen!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

AMEN!! The Holy Ghost is strong in you today!!

[Meek and Humble]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

A Poem Based On Proverbs

Write truth upon thine heart!
Always have fun with your wife's breasts!
Make love with her all night long!
If you make a problem in your house, you'll inherit nothing.
Only the simple believe EVERY word
And a soft answer turneth away wrath.
Gray hair is glorious!
Don't take pleasure in your enemies falling!
Don't seek revenge!
Don't boast about yourself!
Give lots of alcohol to poor people, so they'll forget their problems!

God laughs at your misfortunes, mocks your fears, and ignores your cries for help!
Watch out for those strange, brawling, angry, contentious, adulterous, odious women!
Foolish women drag innocent men into hell!
Beautiful women without discretion are like pigs with jewelery!
Beat your children!
The bruises and scrapes will take away the evil!
The wicked shall be a ransom for the righteous!
Don't give your slaves lectures! Beat them as if they're your own!
If you do not respect your parents, birds will eat your eyes!
Amen!

[Meek and Humble]

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A Poem Based On Esther

Queen Vashti did not want to get naked in front of her husband's friends
So he stripped her of the crown!
The King made sure all wives were obedient!
All the beautiful virgins were brought before the King, one to be the new Queen!
And Esther won!
To take away her feminine dirt, for twelve months she is purified!
She gets two men executed!
And the Hamam and his ten sons, too!
Amen!

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

That's about the most beautiful poem about Queen Vashti that I've ever read.

[Meek and Humble]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

A Poem Based On Ecclesiastes

Death is final!
Since there is no afterlife, enjoy yourself now!
The best things to do are to eat, drink, and be merry!
Do these things happily, because God accepts them!
Do what you feel, and go after that which you desire!
Amen!

[Meek and Humble]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

A Poem Based On Nehemiah

The children of Arah, six hundred fifty and two.
The children of Pahathmoab, of the children of Jeshua and Joab, two thousand and eight hundred and eighteen.
The children of Zattu, eight hundred forty and five.
The children of Binnui, six hundred forty and eight.
The children of Bebai, six hundred twenty and eight.
The children of Azgad, two thousand three hundred twenty and two.
The children of Adonikam, six hundred threescore and seven.
The children of Bigvai, two thousand threescore and seven.
The children of Adin, six hundred fifty and five.
The children of Bezai, three hundred twenty and four.
The men of Bethlehem and Netophah, an hundred fourscore and eight.
The children of Lod, Hadid, and Ono, seven hundred twenty and one.
The children of Senaah, hree thousand nine hundred and thirty.
The singers: the children of Asaph, an hundred forty and eight.
The porters: the children of Shallum, the children of Ater, the children of Talmon, the children of Akkub, the children of Hatita, the children of Shobai, an hundred thirty and eight.
Praise be to Nehemiah, for when he saw men marrying strange wives, did contend with them, curse them, kill some, and plucked out there hair!
Amen!

[Meek and Humble]

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A Poem Based On The Song of Solomon

Your kisses are better than wine!
All night you will lie between my breasts!
His left hand under my head, his right hand holding me, I hope he never wakes up!
I want to have undisturbed sex with you in my mother's bedroom!
Your breasts are like twin gazelles!
When my love touched the door, my bowels were moved!
Your knees are like jewels!
Your breasts are like clusters of the vine!
My little sister is flat-chested, but my breasts are like towers!
Amen!

[Meek and Humble]

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A Poem Based On Ezra

Lots of people had lots of children!
The Israelites corrupted the Holy Seed by marrying foreigners!
Ezra was so upset, he tore his clothes, ripped out his hair, and couldn't move!
To avoid God's wrath, Ezra tells them they must abandon their wives and children!
Amen!

[Meek and Humble]

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A Poem Based On Isaiah

Blessed be You, O Lord, who crack's women's skulls when they dress like whores!
You God, who uncovers their secret parts!
Call forth the flies and the bees!
Thank You Lord, for forcing every man to eat his brother and then his own flesh!
Pray God doesn't find you, or He'll thrust you through, smash your kids to pieces and rape your wife!
God, who sends a perverse Spirit amongst the foreigners, making them like drunks lying in their vomit!
Praise to God, who as a sign and wonder made Isaiah walk three years naked!
Praise to God, who commands we cast the evil away like a menstrual cloth!
Be afraid all women, be so afraid you take off your clothes!
God, fill the world with the smell of evil corpses, melt the mountains with their blood!
Soak the land with their blood, strike with your blood-filled sword!
Make them eat their own dung and drink their own piss!
Cry out Lord, cry like a woman cries!
Blessed be You, creator of all evil!
Make the people eat their flesh and get drunk on their blood!
Let Your clothes be stained with human blood!
Slay them with Your fire and sword!
Make their corpses piled high, let them rot and burn forever!
Amen!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

I like old Isaiah, he tells it like it is, a man's prophet if you will - you've captured his message there brother HB

[Meek and Humble]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

A Poem Based On 2 Chronicles

Remember that glorious day, when Solomon killed 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep!
Remember always that day, when Abijah killed 500,000 Israelites!
Honor forever that day, when Asa killed one million Ethiopians!
Forsake not the memory of that time, when Pekah killed 120,000 infidels!

Whoever does not seek the God of Israel should be executed!
That wondrous God, who puts lies into the mouths of His prophets!
Hate God's enemies, or He'll turn His wrath on you, too!
He who killed Judah's women and children, and made their men's bowels fall out!
With God's help Amaziah killed 10,000 outright, and another 10,000 he hauled off the side of a cliff!
Fear Him, who turned Uzziah into a leper for buring incense without a license!
Obey, or He'll send kings to conquer and kill your people, showing no compassion for man or woman, young or old, healthy or sick!
Amen!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

Give us one about my namesake, Ezekiel.