[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: The Poetasters' Korner

Until you master the basic iamb--and even if you do,
it's best to avoid strict rhyme.

Peter shines
iambic pentameter
like waxed apples

-Al's haikai no renga
better than Bashō

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: The landover baptists are truly quite mad

An insult!

Pastor Alan Edward Pistle
his brain as dense as lead
His insults, though they make one bristle
Are passe to the point of dead

The verses don't rhyme-
the meter's no good
neither funny, salacious,
nor well understood

I'll go back and correct it
when I have the time
'til then, you can talk s***
to K-Federline

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: The landover baptists are truly quite mad

Well here's a haiku for you:

You all are meanies
And horrible ones at that
And cats make you fat

[Poetic Peter]

Re: The landover baptists are truly quite mad

Well here's a haiku for you:

You all are meanies
And horrible ones at that
And cats make you fat

Ummm, I'm not much of one for hard rules, but that's not really fitting the haiku form.

Here's a page that'll help you see what the haiku form is about

http://www.haikuhut.com/Haiku%20Definition.htm

What is the proper form for haiku in English?
Well, a simple definition might be a poem that captures a ‘moment in time’,
usually involving nature, and as perceived or experienced by the poet...

One component that does appear critical is a ‘break’, 'cutting word' ,
or 'turn', which usually occurs between the second and third lines,
but can occur also in the second line; but a ‘break’ or shift of perspective
that juxtaposes the other images in the poem is considered by many as
an important aspect of haiku.

Does that help?

I don't consider myself much of a poet.
Humor and wordplay are my only skills.

The difficulty in humor poems, as I see them,
is to make the joke without being too heavy-handed.
And if various inferences or double entrendres may be fitted,
I do that. I'm a beginner, really. So are you.
Let's try for more earnest results next time?
Otherwise I'll have to burn you at the stake.



Say, gotta match?

[Poetic Peter]

Re: The Poetasters' Korner

Lookit, Eno, I wrote this in about two minutes while drinking a cup of tea at work.
It was meant to be quick and nasty, not a poetic masterpiece.
Sheesh.

Peter

needing only matches

NB: "sheesh" precedes "whoosh" when witches are wanton

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: The landover baptists are truly quite mad

Well here's a haiku for you:

You all are meanies
And horrible ones at that
And cats make you fat

That isn't haiku. This isn't haiku either.

Van Helsing, me
slut and very overpriced
want the clap?

[Ixi]

Re: The Poetasters' Korner

I said its from Evanescence!! Oh crap, I didn't. But yeah, its from Evanescence, the most amzing band on the face of the earth, now I'll write something of my own...

[Brother Temperance]

Re: The landover baptists are truly quite mad

Lookit, Eno, I wrote this in about two minutes while drinking a cup of tea at work. It was meant to be quick and nasty, not a poetic masterpiece. Sheesh.

Maybe if you didn't insist on taking absinthe with your tea, your mind wouldn't be quite so corrupted. And is "quick and nasty" your official new advertising slogan?

But yeah, its from Evanescence, the most amzing band on the face of the earth, now I'll write something of my own...

God help us all.

Icky and Hellsing,
Quite a pair.
Obnoxious bigots
Without compare.

Ixi the youngster,
The folly of youth.
Satan has blinded her
To JESUS' truth.

Hellsing is older,
By a great many years.
Is she any wiser?
Not a bit, one fears.

Hellsing and Icky,
A devilish dyad.
God says "Their names to the Book of Life,
Shall I add?

NO!"



Note: The sudden break in the estalished rhythmic structure towards the end is intended to symbolise the author's hope that, towards the end, Icky and Hellsing's lives may suddenly break with their established rhythm of sin and blasphemy, and take an unexpected turn towards repentance, salvation and righteousness.

[Poetic Peter]

Re: The Poetasters' Korner

Rachael, we aren't 'meanies'...it's...

Ixi—dig UP, you must, or you'll surely sink south
in a Hello Kitty! handbasket.

Today's effort is
whimsied from a two hour old photo which...

...unwise to rush thoughts into wreckage over
a "two minute cup of coffee".
Rachael, you could go decaf--composure, less jitter, remember
the end of Casey Jones whenever you write coked up
on coal (btw, are you a bituminous witch--or anthracitic?)

...which I thought would highlight
My Godly Florida Power & Light Turkey Point Nuclear Power
plant generated battery motor driven

BapTisToeSickle ®

"It Peddles itSelf"®

Inspiration—

huffa-huffa-huffa
not

See Realtor sign.
Stop.

_____________________
Half Acre For Sale
Lovely View of
Nobody Poor
_____________________


Park bike on remnant of dock.
Take picture.
Go home.
Write.



The vacant lot here sports a seawall dock
that used to back up to a helipad
that used to spiff up an airy
glass house that used to exist
until and because
a certain hurricane, An-
drew, did
not, not.

[Poetic Peter]

Re: The Poetasters' Korner

Peter shines
iambic pentameter
like waxed apples

-Al's haikai no renga
better than Bashō

Deelighted!


Al,
I'll take liberty to cite some Marx
Brothers,

OK?



Peter shines iambic
pentameter like waxed apples
though his coco

nuts are rough

[Poetic Peter]

a crit of Brother Temperance's fine poem

Maybe if you didn't insist on taking absinthe with your tea, your mind wouldn't be quite so corrupted. And is "quick and nasty" your official new advertising slogan?

God help us all.

Icky and Hellsing,
Quite a pair.
Obnoxious bigots
Without compare.

Ixi the youngster,
The folly of youth.
Satan has blinded her
To JESUS' truth.

Hellsing is older,
By a great many years.
Is she any wiser?
Not a bit, one fears.

Hellsing and Icky,
A devilish dyad.
God says "Their names to the Book of Life,
Shall I add?

NO!"



Note: The sudden break in the estalished rhythmic structure towards the end is intended to symbolise the author's hope that, towards the end, Icky and Hellsing's lives may suddenly break with their established rhythm of sin and blasphemy, and take an unexpected turn towards repentance, salvation and righteousness.

What an ear hear hear!
Retouches: I meant to say "tea" but I wrote "coffee", but that's there, not here hear hear.

Here are my instinctive, not .org or .god ideas
marked into your poem.

"dyad" is a masterstroke.
So is your finish. That finish is not really "rough". There are tricks
available via line breaks, and by use of the usually-dreaded ellipse (...)
I think it gains power by some word substituions. Avoiding the cliche
wherever possible (as you did with "dyad"; genius)

We font at will because this is not a "black and white only" poetry critical panel.

So, feel free to font!

-Also, a poem often looks better and easier to enjoy
if not line-start capped.

My thoughts are only thoughts,
and are not insisted on your poem,
and gray is only to set up clearly
that it's an edit-illustration of your poem




God help us all

Icky and Hellsing,
quite a pair;
obnoxious bigots
sans care or compare.

Ixi the youngster,
the callow of youth.
Old Satan blinds her
from JESUS' truth.

Hellsing is older
by many lost years.
Is she the wiser?
Only—in fears.

Hellsing and Icky,
the devilish dyad.

God murmurs "Their names
...Book of Life
...shall I add?



NO!"


__________________________________________________
Kudos to you, BT.









thank you
True Baptists
this panel is borne

here it stands living
in your Christly eyes

[Ixi]

Re: The Poetasters' Korner

October

The sun falling in the stars
Slipping slowly by
Wondering how you are
Lying, dreaming here

Twilight slowly growing stronger
The time is coming
This will not last any longer
When we're together

Seeing you, finding you
Will I be here again?
What is true, what I knew
Will this be forever?

Golden leaves falling, so is my heart
Drifting away...
Coming the time when we will depart
Closer...and closer...

You walk in fire, rays of light
God of the sun
And slowly fade into the night
Kissed by moonshine

Knowing you, lieing to you
Will I be here again?
Under your view, pulling through
Will this be forever?

Tawny grass glowing gold
Beauty before death
Lying here in the cold
I wait for you

You're peaceful like a sleeping child
Quiet and serene
As we walked, as I smiled
You faded away

Living with you, singing to you
Will I be here again?
Whats untrue comes anew
Will this be forever?

I gaze in the October sky
And into your starlit eyes
Take me home or leave me
Together we will be free

Trusting you, loving you
I will be here again
You never knew you always flew
I will love you forever

[Enobarbus]

Re: The Poetasters' Korner

October

The sun falling in the stars
Slipping slowly by
Wondering how you are
Lying, dreaming here

Twilight slowly growing stronger
The time is coming
This will not last any longer
When we're together

Seeing you, finding you
Will I be here again?
What is true, what I knew
Will this be forever?

Golden leaves falling, so is my heart
Drifting away...
Coming the time when we will depart
Closer...and closer...

You walk in fire, rays of light
God of the sun
And slowly fade into the night
Kissed by moonshine

Knowing you, lieing to you
Will I be here again?
Under your view, pulling through
Will this be forever?

Tawny grass glowing gold
Beauty before death
Lying here in the cold
I wait for you

You're peaceful like a sleeping child
Quiet and serene
As we walked, as I smiled
You faded away

Living with you, singing to you
Will I be here again?
Whats untrue comes anew
Will this be forever?

I gaze in the October sky
And into your starlit eyes
Take me home or leave me
Together we will be free

Trusting you, loving you
I will be here again
You never knew you always flew
I will love you forever

I was going to suggest to Peter that there was no need to encourage you to submit your own poetry, but that is not nearly as painful as I was afraid of.

I put a ' in the 'were' in the last line of the second verse, btw, which I think was meant to be there.

You certainly have more of an ear for metre and rythm than that tone-deaf Helsinker does.

[Enobarbus]

Re: a crit of Brother Temperance's fine poem

God help us all

Icky and Hellsing,
quite a pair;
obnoxious bigots
sans care or compare.

Ixi the youngster,
the callow of youth.
Old Satan blinds her
from JESUS' truth.

Hellsing is older
by many lost years.
Is she the wiser?
Only—in fears.

Hellsing and Icky,
the devilish dyad.

God murmurs "Their names
...Book of Life
...shall I add?



NO!"

I think I see what you are doing -- trying to make the rythmic pattern tighter? But I think I really do prefer BT's original version -- not to knock you Peter, it's just that maybe the original voice, even with minor techical errors, is better than an attempted revision.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: The landover baptists are truly quite mad

That isn't haiku. This isn't haiku either.

Van Helsing, me
slut and very overpriced
want the clap?

Haikus are 5-7-5 syllable, not 4-7-4.