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For those of you who didn't have the pleasure of hearing my last speech before election day, I have re-posted the transcript here for your Patriotic Pleasure.
Gentlemen of Freehold:
As you know, my campaign manager and dear friend James DeWitt was tragically killed in an airplane accident somewhere overseas this October.
Since that day, I have vowed to not only run this campaign for YOU, dear Freehold, but for James DeWitt, a Christian, a Patriot, and a generous donor.
It has been difficult to cope with managing my own campaign and writing my own speeches, but today, I speak to you not as an Officer of the Law, but as a fellow True Christian Conservative Republican.
But first I'd like to have a moment of silence in memory of Mr. DeWitt.
[silence]
Okay that's enough.
Gentlemen of Freehold, it was when I was a young boy growing up in the New England states that I first learned what it meant to be American.
It was the 4th of July and the whole neighborhood was gathered together at the park to enjoy barbecue and fireworks. A black family from down the street was in attendance and their son -I forget his name now but I'll call him Rastus- was attempting to roast his hot dog over the same bonfire as me.
Now, I had spent half an hour helping my friends gather the best wood I could find to fill our firepit with.
The sense of entitlement, the laziness on this boy's part to not build his own fire, the assumption that he could get a free meal over the fire me and my friends spent so much time building was more than I could stand.
I hit the stick he was cooking his hot dog on with my hand and knocked it into the fire. Quickly Rastus' face turned from a look of contentment with leeching off my fire to one of offense and hurt.
Being black, his first instinct was to start crying. He started howling so loud his father heard him and came running.
Rastus' father started ranting about sharing and tolerance the way only a bleeding heart liberal could.
Even though Rastus went to rejoin with his own people on the other side of the park green, my entire 4th of July weekend was ruined.
Later when my father heard about what happened, he told me that I had done the right thing in attempting to establish white cookouts from black cookouts.
He told me with a sparkle in his eye that he could imagine me as a great leader someday, bringing justice and Jesus to one and all.
Friends, I am glad to say I have not let my father down!
[applause]
But there is always work to be done! This once great nation is now swamped with blacks, communists, pagans, Mexicans, Jews, Canadians, feminists and queers who would all shove their hot dogs in our fire.
These dangerous fanatics would seek to steal our rights and liberties for themselves, to blow out our brightly burning fires of freedom with their flatulence of perversion.
[applause]
I hope that you will join me in standing up for the TRUE America on Tuesday, November 2, 2010 to reclaim this country for God's people!
You can start right here in Freehold by voting for me to be sheriff! I promise you, as I once promised my father so many years ago, I will not let you down!
Thank you, and God Bless America!
[applause]
As you know, my campaign manager and dear friend James DeWitt was tragically killed in an airplane accident somewhere overseas this October.
Since that day, I have vowed to not only run this campaign for YOU, dear Freehold, but for James DeWitt, a Christian, a Patriot, and a generous donor.
It has been difficult to cope with managing my own campaign and writing my own speeches, but today, I speak to you not as an Officer of the Law, but as a fellow True Christian Conservative Republican.
But first I'd like to have a moment of silence in memory of Mr. DeWitt.
[silence]
Okay that's enough.
Gentlemen of Freehold, it was when I was a young boy growing up in the New England states that I first learned what it meant to be American.
It was the 4th of July and the whole neighborhood was gathered together at the park to enjoy barbecue and fireworks. A black family from down the street was in attendance and their son -I forget his name now but I'll call him Rastus- was attempting to roast his hot dog over the same bonfire as me.
Now, I had spent half an hour helping my friends gather the best wood I could find to fill our firepit with.
The sense of entitlement, the laziness on this boy's part to not build his own fire, the assumption that he could get a free meal over the fire me and my friends spent so much time building was more than I could stand.
I hit the stick he was cooking his hot dog on with my hand and knocked it into the fire. Quickly Rastus' face turned from a look of contentment with leeching off my fire to one of offense and hurt.
Being black, his first instinct was to start crying. He started howling so loud his father heard him and came running.
Rastus' father started ranting about sharing and tolerance the way only a bleeding heart liberal could.
Even though Rastus went to rejoin with his own people on the other side of the park green, my entire 4th of July weekend was ruined.
Later when my father heard about what happened, he told me that I had done the right thing in attempting to establish white cookouts from black cookouts.
He told me with a sparkle in his eye that he could imagine me as a great leader someday, bringing justice and Jesus to one and all.
Friends, I am glad to say I have not let my father down!
[applause]
But there is always work to be done! This once great nation is now swamped with blacks, communists, pagans, Mexicans, Jews, Canadians, feminists and queers who would all shove their hot dogs in our fire.
These dangerous fanatics would seek to steal our rights and liberties for themselves, to blow out our brightly burning fires of freedom with their flatulence of perversion.
[applause]
I hope that you will join me in standing up for the TRUE America on Tuesday, November 2, 2010 to reclaim this country for God's people!
You can start right here in Freehold by voting for me to be sheriff! I promise you, as I once promised my father so many years ago, I will not let you down!
Thank you, and God Bless America!
[applause]
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