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Maybe some of you have seen this video, or others like it:
I was upset to learn about this, the second SWAT team raid on the Rawsome Food Co-op. I'm upset because the first time they raided this nest of commie organic food terrorists, they didn't ship them to Gitmo or one of my company's privatized "reform through labor" camps like we have in China, North Korea and Texas. By failing to snuff out this branch of Al Qaeda in California, their terrorist movement has spread. Organic food is a threat to the American way of life!
After the first raid in 2010, the Rawsome terrorists where let off with a fine. Of course, the now-privatized L.A. police force hauled their filthy germ-ridden raw milk outside and dumped it in the sewer. They they burned the lettuce and tomatoes in a big bonfire in the middle of Venice Blvd in order to protect public health and safety. Unfortunately, the fire got out of control and burned down an adjacent apartment block, a gas station, kindergarten and hospital, but casualties were light. Anyway, in the War on Terror, you have to accept the inevitable collateral damage. It was certainly worth it - those hippie organic food nuts were selling raw milk, eggs, beans and other foods WITHOUT preservatives to CHILDREN.
That's right - to children! Think of the children. Without nutritious preservatives, how can we expect them to remain healthy and gain weight? As a major food processing conglomerate, my company is proud of its products. Just recently, we developed a new bacteria-killing plutonium-based preservative that allows you to keep fresh milk WITHOUT REFRIGERATION - for 240,000 years! Thanks to the hard work of our lobbyists, the FDA will require that our trademarked and patented PlutonoFresh Milk will be the only kind permitted to be sold in public school cafeterias starting from next semester. Furthermore, anyone caught giving their children raw milk will be charged with felony child abuse, and be listed on the Federal Sex Offenders' Registry.
I want to assure everyone that not only is PlutonoFresh Milk nutritious and free of any living organisms, but children love it. The same addictive chemicals (note: formula is a trade secret, so I can't list the ingredients) that we put in our corn chips and chocolate bars, is now in the milk as well. I can assure you that once you and your kids have tried it, they'll never want to (or be able to) stop from drinking it. We tested it on rats, and they absolutely loved it. Indeed, they just couldn't get enough of PlutonoMilk.
PlutonoMilk taste test - before and after
Meanwhile, we're working on getting a federal passed in this session of Congress that will make it a felony (punishable by minimum 10 years imprisonment) to operate an unlicensed and unauthorized "community garden." Or raise chickens, ducks or any other beasts without a permit from the US Food & Drug Administration, which was just recently privatized. My company, by the way, won the no-bid contract.
By this time next year, we're hoping to do something about water too. It's come to our attention that some people refuse to hook up to our nationwide grid of public-private water services, which at $1 per gallon is really quite a bargain. Instead, these "water rights" terrorists steal water from the public domain by diverting streams, drilling wells, or even catching rain water. Obviously, such "organic" water has not been homogenized, pasteurized, or chemically-treated with dioxin and depleted uranium. And yes, people not only bathe their kids with "natural" water, but even let them drink it!
Fortunately, we're expanding our SWAT team right now as I write. Let me assure you that we will never rest until every morsel of food and every drop of water in America is corporate-owned, for your protection.
I was upset to learn about this, the second SWAT team raid on the Rawsome Food Co-op. I'm upset because the first time they raided this nest of commie organic food terrorists, they didn't ship them to Gitmo or one of my company's privatized "reform through labor" camps like we have in China, North Korea and Texas. By failing to snuff out this branch of Al Qaeda in California, their terrorist movement has spread. Organic food is a threat to the American way of life!
After the first raid in 2010, the Rawsome terrorists where let off with a fine. Of course, the now-privatized L.A. police force hauled their filthy germ-ridden raw milk outside and dumped it in the sewer. They they burned the lettuce and tomatoes in a big bonfire in the middle of Venice Blvd in order to protect public health and safety. Unfortunately, the fire got out of control and burned down an adjacent apartment block, a gas station, kindergarten and hospital, but casualties were light. Anyway, in the War on Terror, you have to accept the inevitable collateral damage. It was certainly worth it - those hippie organic food nuts were selling raw milk, eggs, beans and other foods WITHOUT preservatives to CHILDREN.
That's right - to children! Think of the children. Without nutritious preservatives, how can we expect them to remain healthy and gain weight? As a major food processing conglomerate, my company is proud of its products. Just recently, we developed a new bacteria-killing plutonium-based preservative that allows you to keep fresh milk WITHOUT REFRIGERATION - for 240,000 years! Thanks to the hard work of our lobbyists, the FDA will require that our trademarked and patented PlutonoFresh Milk will be the only kind permitted to be sold in public school cafeterias starting from next semester. Furthermore, anyone caught giving their children raw milk will be charged with felony child abuse, and be listed on the Federal Sex Offenders' Registry.
I want to assure everyone that not only is PlutonoFresh Milk nutritious and free of any living organisms, but children love it. The same addictive chemicals (note: formula is a trade secret, so I can't list the ingredients) that we put in our corn chips and chocolate bars, is now in the milk as well. I can assure you that once you and your kids have tried it, they'll never want to (or be able to) stop from drinking it. We tested it on rats, and they absolutely loved it. Indeed, they just couldn't get enough of PlutonoMilk.
PlutonoMilk taste test - before and after
Meanwhile, we're working on getting a federal passed in this session of Congress that will make it a felony (punishable by minimum 10 years imprisonment) to operate an unlicensed and unauthorized "community garden." Or raise chickens, ducks or any other beasts without a permit from the US Food & Drug Administration, which was just recently privatized. My company, by the way, won the no-bid contract.
By this time next year, we're hoping to do something about water too. It's come to our attention that some people refuse to hook up to our nationwide grid of public-private water services, which at $1 per gallon is really quite a bargain. Instead, these "water rights" terrorists steal water from the public domain by diverting streams, drilling wells, or even catching rain water. Obviously, such "organic" water has not been homogenized, pasteurized, or chemically-treated with dioxin and depleted uranium. And yes, people not only bathe their kids with "natural" water, but even let them drink it!
Fortunately, we're expanding our SWAT team right now as I write. Let me assure you that we will never rest until every morsel of food and every drop of water in America is corporate-owned, for your protection.
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