Forget Ebola. Michelle Obama Will Contaminate Freehold.

[Johny Joe Hold]

I feel some responsibility to keep the residents of Freehold from contracting diseases. Now, I've learned the second most contaminated person next to the President, his wife, Michelle, is coming right next door.

I don't understand why anyone would invite her to come here. What on earth will she talk about, her life as an atheist follower of Satan?

My strong suggestion is Freehold residents not go near the liberal Drake University campus in Des Moines and, if they do, decontaminate before reentering Freehold.

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/politics/iowa-politics-insider/2014/10/05/iowa-drake-braley-obama/16790767/

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Forget Ebola. Michelle Obama Will Contaminate Freehold.

Brother Mayor, I can't imagine why any Freehold resident would want to go near a place crawling with foreign, sinful wretches of the type that would accompany or be drawn by Michelle Obama, but I suppose it would be prudent to prepare for any eventuality. Your keen mind for civic details is why we elected you Mayor.

My suggestion would be to position large pans of disinfectant on the sidewalks near the venue so that any shoe borne disease can be eliminated. If this is not possible, we could position those pans near the border fence gates in Freehold and hole up to make sure there is no outbreak before we go out among the unsaved again.

That is my suggestion.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Forget Ebola. Michelle Obama Will Contaminate Freehold.

I once accompanied my husband on a church outreach trip to the Godless Antipodes (not an experience we'll be repeating) and when the plane landed, the cabin crew walked up and down the aisles, spraying the passengers with insecticide. Apparently this was done on the insistence of the Austrian government - certainly a novel way of welcoming visitors.

Anyway, I was wondering if you could set up an automated version of something similar at the border fence gates? With disinfectant, of course, not insecticide - or maybe both? This would be in addition to Brother Alvin's footbaths and would wipe out airborne contamination.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Forget Ebola. Michelle Obama Will Contaminate Freehold.

Prayer Warriors! ASSUME THE POSITION!

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Forget Ebola. Michelle Obama Will Contaminate Freehold.

Personally, I think that ebola is getting a bum rap. True, it has a downside, but the liberal haters just won't admit that ebola has many positive benefits for the economy and society as a whole. But of course that's typical of liberals - they hate America and never cease their treasonous campaign to tear it down. Disgusting!

Not surprisingly, all True Christians understand that the Lord put ebola on this earth for a reason. Even though He outsourced the actual creation of the virus to my company's Biowarfare Division, ebola is part of His grand plan.

So with that in mind, let's take a look at just what the Lord has been up to...


The Lord works in mysterious ways!

When it comes to creating new economic opportunities, pandemics are a great way to "shuffle the deck," so to speak. Old business models - like being able to shop in supermarkets - might disappear, but new models will inevitably take their place. Online shopping, for example, will experience a great boom. I am proud to announce that the Uranus Corporation is already ramping up production at our factories in China so that American consumers can experience a smooth transition to the brave new world where nobody even dares to go outside.

Need medical care but the hospitals are closed? Just get out your credit card and order online!


This Christmas, order online the gift that keeps on giving...


...and fashionable too!

Of course, in keeping with the holiday spirit during the month of October, we now have gowns available in Halloween colors. Yes, I know that Halloween is a Satanic liberal holiday, but on the other hand, we shouldn't waste an opportunity to exploit the demonic atheists in order to increase profits and thus shareholder value. Besides, these suits leak like a sieve, thereby creating a false sense of security which should reduce the Democratic vote to a small minority by election day!


Trick or Treat!

Actually, color coding clothing for certain ethnic groups can be useful. Our marketing department has done research, and firmly established that consumers are highly influenced by colors, advertising and peer pressure. Just like we convinced the Negroes to have their pants riding down around their knees (makes it hard for them to outrun the police!), we're pushing a Fall line-up of fashionable white clothing that will make it difficult for them to hide at night when they're normally out looting. The respirator also puts out a radio signal, which can be instantly picked up by Predator drones!


Negro finally has a chance to be white!


Fashionable Negroes looting a crematorium in Liberia

Needless to say, an ebola pandemic will cause great demand for privatized security and military services. My company has been working in close cooperation with experienced veterans of the Blood Diamond War™ we financed in Sierra Leone, retraining them for the new job opportunities we see opening up in the near future.


Sierra Leoners lining up to purchase bus tickets to someplace else

Of course, our own TSA (recently privatized and owned by my company!) is busily preparing new security procedures for air travel. I'm happy to announce that those backscatter x-ray scanners we used for security are being refitted with high-intensity gamma-radiation emitters to kill the ebola virus, thus ensuring the safety of air passengers!


Flying has never been more exciting!

And if the radiation doesn't kill the virus, we offer medications at the duty-free shops. Guaranteed to prevent death, or money back!


It's a miracle!

The one thing we do worry about is that people may try to self-medicate with so-called "medical marijuana." Thus, anyone showing up for a flight, or at a hospital emergency room, will have to undergo drug testing. Trace amounts of the demon weed found in the blood will be sufficient cause for immediate arrest, seizure of all items of value, and rehabilitative "reform through labor" (such as working at crematorium ovens). Even if 80% of the world's population has ebola, I can personally assure you that the War on Drugs will continue! If we don't do that, the terrorists will have won, and surely we don't want that, do we?


Terminally ill patients who smoke "medical" marijuana will burn in Hell!

Finally, I'd like to point out that ebola not only reduces the surplus population of useless humans, but can take out various animals. This can have great benefits - no more bans on oil drilling and logging in the tropical rain forests, as nothing will be living there!


God hates the rain forest, and you should too!

The Lord really does work in mysterious ways!

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Forget Ebola. Michelle Obama Will Contaminate Freehold.

How many decent, worthwhile people have died of Ebola? I can't think of one.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Forget Ebola. Michelle Obama Will Contaminate Freehold.

This is a nigra disease so it's only fitting that the LORD uses Michelle Obama to bring pestilence to her ghetto.