[Rev. Carlton Green]

Re: How to Cook Wiccans -- Post Recipes Here

Currently I'm investing in a giant crockpot. I always enjoy the taste of wiccans when SUV cooks them slower. Much more flavorful.

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: How to Cook Wiccans -- Post Recipes Here

OK, looking at your avatar...I think it's blasphemous.

Did a sword DIE FOR YOUR SINS?

No, Jesus did.
The cross and the sword are symbols for important aspects of Christianity, fool.
But only a cathylick would ask a dumb question like this, as whenever you see a cross - you cannot see it without imagining something attached to it.
Usually Jesus Himself.

But Jesus ain't on no cross no longer, He died for our sins ONCE, He doesn't keep on dying every day as you papists like to claim.
Get that through your head.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: How to Cook Wiccans -- Post Recipes Here

You ever heard of John Fisher? Thomas More? Edmund Campion? (They were Catholics martyred by the Protestant regime in the UK)

So, you're not completely innocent, either!

That first one's an obvious lie. John Fisher used to post here, but we banned him because his chin was too big. Also, he showed a suspicious interest in science, which led us to suspect that he might be a Stalinist. But he's certainly no Catholic!

And also, that "killing those who practice religion" was before Jesus came, so that's Mosaic Jewish law you're following, not Christian law.

So why did you Catholics kill all them towelheads in the Crusades, then? Did all this happen before Jesus came as well?

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: How to Cook Wiccans -- Post Recipes Here

At the risk of wasting good wiccan long-pig, when the hunt has been plentiful, I recommend just throwing most of the witch to the dogs and pigs, but save the fingers for this delightful recipe...

Deep-Fat-Fried Witches Fingers

Italian salad dressing
3 tbsp. flour
2 tsp. salt
2 tbsp. butter, softened
3 c. salad oil
1 c. milk
1 1/2 c. pancake mix combined with 1 tsp. paprika, 1/2 tsp. sage, and 1/4 tsp. pepper
Marinara sauce

Wipe witch fingers dry (I like to paint the nails). Make paste of next 5 ingredients. Brush to coat fingers evenly. Heat 2 inches of oil in 9 inch pot to 425 degrees. Dip pieces in milk, then in pancake mix, coating well. Dust off excess. Lightly brown about 4 minutes each side. Serve with marinara sauce.

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Chef Lees 4 course Wiccan Dinner Planner

This delightful series of dishes was submitted by my Event Management Consultant and bicycle repair specialist, Manuel "lee" Esteban. Of course depending on whether your feeding 4 or 4 thousand, it still beats plain old loaves and fishes...
1st Course:
Feed your live and unbutchered wiccan an infusion of parsley and thyme, and allow this to circulate for a while until slaughtering takes place. I suggest 5 days, but no less than 2 days, and plenty of water to flush out the digestive system. This is easy to accomplish with a bit of planning, and it helps to have a couple of Wiccans 'in lockdown' in case extra company turns up.
The wiccans skull should be prepared around ½ an hour before the meal by sawing around the perimeter & tying the major blood vessels to avoid unsightly blood at the table, local anaesthetic can be applied to the smaller vessels for the same purpose. As the brain feels no pain it is preferable to allow the wiccan to live through this procedure so they can be served as fresh as possible at the table.
BEGIN
Brown some charante butter in a copper saucepan to make a beurre-noisette, once the butter and butter fat has reached a hazelnut colour set aside on your trivet.
Next scoop out portions of the pre-frontal lobe for each of your guests and set in iced lemon water, the acidity and chilling helps to firm the portion. Caution is needed to prevent the portions turning to a lumpy gelatin type consistency (others prefer to press and chill brain overnight to prevent this, but I think it is much better served fresh).
After chilling for 5-10 minutes dredge your wiccan brain in a light seasoned flour and some fresh brioche crumbs.
Add some fresh black truffle, charlottes and a dash of lemon to the beurre-noisette, then over high heat sauté the brain till it browns on each side.
Serve with the sauce from the pan, broad croutons & a garnish of parsley and whole caper berries (with stem) and perhaps a watercress or nasturtium blossom.

2nd Course:
The wiccans Pancreas & Liver (the sweetbreads) can be prepared in a delicious Ragout, Just take a few glasses of a quality claret, add some sweet herbs & some savoury spices, then toss through your wiccan’s pancreas & liver with maybe some light vegetables & truffles over a low heat.
Next add brown butter and allow to reduce for a while. This dish is best cooked at the table to allow your guests to savour the full aroma of the claret and spices as they cook, and be quite a nice point of conversation as you enjoy the company of True Christians over a glass of wine.

3rd Course:
A delicious 3rd course can be made by ‘spit roasting’ the remaining parts of the wiccan, which can be quite fun if you get your guests involved. I recommend that you start the preparation immediately after the first course, to allow for cooktime, though some quick butchering is now required.
1st remove the sweetbreads so your 2nd course can be cooked, then remove the arms so they don’t flop about your spit bbq and cause distraction, the arms are usually a bit tough from all that mystical gesturing, mistletoe cutting and wand waving anyway (please note your wiccan will probably expire whilst these steps are made, so be sure to mark the occasion - I prefer a crisp Coopers pale ale, although pilsener is equally acceptable). Next bind the open skull & arm sockets with fresh banana leaves and bush lemons and tying off with rosemary and lemongrass, this is to allow the blood to boil within its wicken vessel to better cleanse before consumption.
Now comes the fun part; you and your guests can take turns hammering a stake through the wiccans remaining cranium, so the stake ends up between it’s feet. Bind the feet to the stake using rosemary and lemongrass, then place on the spit over medium heat coals. Try to keep the heat lower around the head area to avoid burning the cheeks. For a decorative touch chop through the short ribs & pull the lungs out through the back then flatten them out like wings, this is great mark of showing the removal of evil wicken and the birth of an angel, a sign of your commitment to god.
A roast vegetable dish of your choice should also be served with this main course.
Allow your wiccan to roast whilst you and your guests enjoy the 2nd course. It will take a little over an hour on good coals so be sure to keep your guests entertained in the meantime… a slideshow of your latest trip to the holy land is ideal, (or perhaps a Wiccan Pinata can be created for the children, if any, make sure that candy is well wrapped though!)
When the wiccan is ready for carving, some of the best parts are the tongue and cheeks so, in true Christian etiquette, save these for the ranking church official, head guest or man of the house, if you haven’t overcooked them that is! The thighs and fertility organs also make good eating, though care should be taken not contaminate with body parts designed for excretions. Basically any meat off the bone is great, though some muscles can be a little tough.
The heart will be quite rare, though it is quite a delicacy, so I normally like to finely slice it and toss it through a crisp salad with lettuce, rocket, beetroot leaves, red onion, capsicum & croutons to allow everyone to enjoy it. Add fresh finely chopped chilli to taste and a dash of good virgin olive oil.

4th Course / Dessert:
I recommend a hazelnut chocolate fondue, using fruit and some of the leftover sweet meats from the wiccan. Alternatively you can dip small portions of the spit roasted wiccan meat in lemon and sugar, before serving them with the fondue to add a desert flavour.
Place the fondue pot in a steamer, then add hazelnut chocolate, so it can melt over a slow, very slow heat. Serve at table over a low burner or a few candles with the cold meats & fruit.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: How to Cook Wiccans -- Post Recipes Here

Hazelnut chocolate fondue?!?!?!? Are you trying to make me gag?

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: How to Cook Wiccans -- Post Recipes Here

Hazelnut chocolate fondue?!?!?!? Are you trying to make me gag?

I know - Hazelnut isn't my favourite either. I prefer macadamias, but its not my recipe. The rest of it sounds DELISH!!

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: How to Cook Wiccans -- Post Recipes Here

Wiccan breast-milk Blue Cheese steak sauce


1/4 lb. butter
1/4 lb. witchs breast milk blue cheese
2 tbsp. chives or chopped shallots
Blend all ingredients together over low heat; do not boil. Cover the steak with a lot of freshly ground pepper and spoon lots of the hot sauce over the steak

[SinisterPizza]

Re: How to Cook Wiccans -- Post Recipes Here

You know...remind me to never, ever, eat anything that was cooked by a TC™

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: How to Cook Wiccans -- Post Recipes Here

Wiccan breast-milk Blue Cheese steak sauce


1/4 lb. butter
1/4 lb. witchs breast milk blue cheese
2 tbsp. chives or chopped shallots
Blend all ingredients together over low heat; do not boil. Cover the steak with a lot of freshly ground pepper and spoon lots of the hot sauce over the steak

Many of you may be unable to keep milking wiccans in your backyard woodshed or cellar and are therefore incapable of manufacturing WBM blue Cheese, WBM Brie, WBM Camembert or indeed any WBM dairy products. If you fall into this category ask one of your neighbours who does. They're more common than you might think!

If you plan on serving witch steak ( Yum yum - I'm a sucker for a tender breast cut) with witch cheese sauce, be very careful.....
Exodus 23:19; 34:26;and Deuteronomy 14:21 prohibit the boiling of young in their mothers milk. (At no time can a kid be boiled in its mother's milk however one is able to 'side-step' this by keeping seperate milking and eating wiccans, or encourage neighbours to cooperate).
Bon Apetite!

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: How to Cook Wiccans -- Post Recipes Here

WICTURDUCKEN HANGI

Its a chicken - stuffed in a duck - sewn inside a turkey - stitched in a witch -all baked inside a traditional maori earth oven!

Since the Wicturducken takes about 12 hours to cook (and then it needs to cool at least 1 hour before it’s carved), you will need to plan your time wisely. First, be sure your Hangi, or earth oven temperature is accurate by using (or purchasing) an inexpensive earth oven thermometer to monitor the Hangis temperature instead of relying on guesswork. Otherwise, your Wicturducken may take considerably less or more time than you have planned.
The quickest way to prepare your Wicturducken is to get friends or family members to help make the dressings and de-bone the witch and fowls. (If you’re on your own, you will need to allow more time for preparation of the Wicturducken). We get letters every year from “Wicturducken Teams” – friends and relatives who gather together to make (and eat!) their Wicturduckens as a group activity! It might be fun to take pictures along the way so that you can look back and have “Wicturducken” memories year-round!
It’s also nice to serve additional dressing in bowls at the table, so our dressing recipe will make about 8 cups extra of each dressing. If you do not want to serve extra dressing with your Wicturducken, you can cut each dressing recipe in half.
If you’re inexperienced at de-boning wiccans, start with the turkey; because of its size, you can more easily see the bone structure. After de-boning the turkey, the duck and chicken will go much faster. And remember, each time you do a Wicturducken it gets easier; it doesn’t take "magickal" cooking abilities, it just takes care and of course a whole heapin' helpin of Jesus love! What is 'magickal' is the way people eating your Wicturducken will feel about your food!


1 70-100lb wiccan (dressed)
1 (15 to 20 pound) turkey
1 (5 to 6 pound) domestic duckling
1 (3 to 4 pound) chicken
Andouille Sausage Dressing (recipe follows)
Cornbread Dressing (recipe follows)
Shrimp Dressing (recipe follows)
Sweet Potato Eggplant Gravy (recipe follows)
1 new clean 44 gallon drum ,
6 sheet pans
3 metal star pickets
1 cast iron bath tub, larger than the 44 gallon drum, that the smaller drum will fit inside with room to spare (NOTE: The 44gal drum size is ideal because the Wicturducken fits snugly in the drum and stays in the proper shape while cooking.)
1 small block hammer

STEPS FOR MAKING THE WICTURDUCKEN

An Important Note About Refrigeration: As you complete the steps for making the Wicturducken, you will be refrigerating the wiccan, fowl and dressings. It is very important to keep the meats as cold as possible before preparing them, and to chill all the finished items as quickly as possible after preparing. The best way to accomplish this is to spread the prepared items (or lay them flat in the case of the de-boned wiccan and fowl) on a sheet pan and place them in the coldest part of your cool room. While the items are chilling, keep the cool room door closed as much as possible.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: How to Cook Wiccans -- Post Recipes Here

You know...remind me to never, ever, eat anything that was cooked by a TC™

Honey, we don't eat most of this ourselves. We give it away as Thanksgiving dinner for bums on skid row and Canucks.

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: How to Cook Wiccans -- Post Recipes Here

WITCH NEST SOUP WITH WITCH EGGS
The nests in making witch nest soups are exclusively those of wiccans, the witchs from the family of common pagans. These highly prized nests are built and clung to the ceiling of the caves as high as 70m by the wiccans mostly of Spanish moss, or Old Mans beard that is mixed by their own saliva, making the process of harvesting an ordeal and expensive. Wiccans nests are mostly found on cliffs in areas along both east and west coasts and of course New Zealand .
Ingredients:

• 8 oz. witchs' nests
• 1 tbsp. vegetable oil
• 1 tbsp. fresh ginger root, chopped
• 4 oz. cooked chicken, cubed
• 4 oz. button mushrooms, quartered
• 8 oz. witch eggs, drained
• 7 ½ cups chicken stock

Directions:
1. Soak the witch nest in water for 5 minutes, then drain.
2. Heat the oil in a saucepan.
3. Add the ginger and fry for 1 minute, stirring constantly.
4. Stir in the chicken, mushrooms,witch eggs and stock and bring to boil.
5. Reduce the heat to low and add witch' nests/ Simmer for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.
Serve at once in bowls.

[Poetic Peter]

Re: How to Cook Wiccans -- Post Recipes Here

Sigh. I just can't see eating them or even feeding them to the birds or livestock.

Wiccans are dirty.

There is a simple process that all of our forebears knew well how to perform:

soap making

http://www.meltandpour.com/

Molds are available or easily made.
Tickle the fancy and get clean too, in a suitably poetical/ironic manner:

Ex-wiccans in the form of a Fuzzy Jesus on a rope.

Do our younger members know there was and still is a soap that grows "hair"?
Yes, that's the perfect touch for your home made dirt emulsifier made from human lipids and potash
from the cording wood you used to render their fat in the kettle.
You compound into the soap slurry, a species of bacteria.
I'll have to look into that further to find the specific bug kultur.

http://www.wonderworkshops.com/customer/product.php?productid=157&cat=

The shop's owner is a good man--excellent to buy from, no joke. Good stuff is found there.




PP
coming clean

[Brother Temperance]

Re: How to Cook Wiccans -- Post Recipes Here

Do our younger members know there was and still is a soap that grows "hair"?
Yes, that's the perfect touch for your home made dirt emulsifier made from human lipids and potash
from the cording wood you used to render their fat in the kettle.
You compound into the soap slurry, a species of bacteria.
I'll have to look into that further to find the specific bug kultur.

I believe it's made from Lilith's upper lip and chin.

Anyway, a favoured recipe of mine:

Wiccan surprise:

Take several juicy chunks of fresh wiccan. Fry for 10-15 minutes in a little oil.
Boil rice and drain.
Serve rice with wiccan chunks and ketchup.


The surprising part is the ketchup.