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HELL HOUSE 2010: Come a worthless heathen, leave Saved®!
Landover Baptist Church in association with Armageddon Evangelical Enterprises Proudly Present the 19th annual...
HELL HOUSE 2010
When: Opens Saturday Oct 2, 2010, 7:00 pm. Runs weekends from Oct 2 - Oct 31, 7:00 pm - midnight.
Where: The old asbestos factory, corner of Mason and Mt. Zion, Industrial District, Freehold, Iowa.
HELL HOUSE 2010 When: Opens Saturday Oct 2, 2010, 7:00 pm. Runs weekends from Oct 2 - Oct 31, 7:00 pm - midnight.
Where: The old asbestos factory, corner of Mason and Mt. Zion, Industrial District, Freehold, Iowa.
One of Landover Baptists' favorite yearly traditions is back. Hell House 2010 is all-new and scarier than ever. A Hell House is a Christian version of a "haunted house" but is indeed more frightening because it's actually real. So-called "haunted houses" are a popular Halloween venue, but going to one is tantamount to practicing witchcraft. Real-life Satan worshippers dress up in costumes and masks and attempt to scare pot-smoking teenagers. It's really nothing more than a ceremony that honors Satan and the occult.
Hell Houses on the other hand seek to bring the Gospel through the effective method of irrational fear. A Hell House features what existence is like in Hell. We aim to create the most terrifying, disturbing experience for the guests so that at the end of the house, they are absolutely frightened about Hell and seek to turn their life over to Jesus Christ on the spot.
Inside the Obamanation's hospital where young women are forced to have abortions.
LBC's Hell House 2010 is even bigger this year which is why we offer two mazes! What can you look forward to?
1. Obamanation. Take a time travel trip to the year 2016, after Obama murders his True Christian™ Republican opponent in the 2012 elections and his Final Solution has been implemented. Guests will witness a post-apocalyptic bleak world devoid of all hope and happiness. But plenty of change, lots of dark change. Visit the Obamunist hospital where people die in the waiting room, bizarre medical tortures are carried out in the name of atheistic science, and young, white Christian women are forced to get abortions as part of Obama's "brownization" of America. Then visit the National Mosque where all Americans are forced to worship. Innocent women and children are stoned to death before your very eyes because they refuse to submit to Islam. Then make your way to the Gay Club where you see young people get brainwashed through drug cocktails into becoming homosexuals. Finally you enter the Wasteland and are chased by horrible ghouls -- democrats, environmentalists, activist judges, college professors, and all sorts of demons who surround you and kill you.
That of course leads to...
2. Journey to Hell. The second maze follows up the end of the first maze. At the beginning you are before God who judges you and deems you unfit to enter the Kingdom of Heaven because you are not a True Christian™. You then enter Hell and are greeted by the most horrible sights imaginable. Watch false Christians, people of other religions, and atheists get limbs torn from their sockets on torture racks. See homosexuals and other sexual deviants get hot iron pokers thrust up their rectums. You'll make your way to the "Celebrity Section" where you will see some of your most-hated celebrities being burned alive: Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Patrick Swayze, Freddie Mercury, Rock Hudson, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, and more! After that you come across demons feasting on the intestines of live unsaved children who then force the children to eat their own dung. After a battery of traumatizing images, the guest finally exits the Hell House where they are greeted by Jesus Christ (played by local youth pastor Scott Sherman) who gives the guest a second chance to accept Him as their personal Lord and Savior. The guest is then given a Gospel tract and taken aside for some quiet prayer. They are then asked if they want to make a commitment to the Lord.
An angel appears at the beginning of the Journey to Hell maze to tell you that you are unworthy unsaved scum and deserve to be thrown into Hell.
Admission for each maze is $20 for adults and $15 for children.
Save money by buying tickets for both mazes! For adults you get access to both mazes for $35 and for children $25.
Respiration masks are available (but not required) and cost $8 each. For those paranoid about walking through an old asbestos factory.
There is no restrictions on children's ages, in fact, the younger they are, the more likely they will be scared into becoming Christians, so bring as many little ones as you can! We also encourage you to bring as many unsaved people as possible. Maybe you have a Lutheran friend at work, or an agnostic waiter at your favorite restaurant. The Hell House is a highly effective method of converting people. Over 85% of unsaved people accept Christ on the spot, and even better, at least 30% of them tithe over $1000 to Landover Baptist Church over a 12-month period. So, it's very important to save souls and help raise some money to support God's Favorite Church®.
I look forward to seeing you this Saturday. I will be participating in the Obamanation maze as the Prison Warden that turns on the gas showers which kills all the Christians and Republicans in the Socialist Gulag.
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