Looking to buy a witch

[Wash O'Hanley]

Friends,
As the 2010 Witch Hunt nears I was wondering if any local townsfolk were in possession of a witch that they would be interested in selling to me for a handsome price. My two grandchildren are too young to participate in the Landover Witch Hunt, but I would still love for them to get their first kill. Old grandpa is just worried something bad could happen with all the running around in the dark woods, the guns, and the malnourished rottweilers. Not to mention the threat of the witches catching them or putting a cruse on them! I was hoping one of you may have had, or know someone who has, a handicapped, crippled or incapacitated witch. Maybe a broken leg or a nasty case of brain damage.

Please e-mail me if you've got anything. Name your price.

Thanks,
Wash

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Looking to buy a witch

You're in luck, brother. It just so happens I have a young harlot, who I believe to be a witch, chained up in my cellar as we speak. I came across it dancing naked around a fire in the woods, playing with incense and fornicating and such. I have been saving it for just such an occasion and would be happy to donate.

I've been feeding it about once a week, so it shouldn't be running very far. It has no teeth also.

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Looking to buy a witch

You may want to cut out its tongue to be on the safe side, you don't know what sort of evil incantations it might know.

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Looking to buy a witch

Friends,
As the 2010 Witch Hunt nears I was wondering if any local townsfolk were in possession of a witch that they would be interested in selling to me for a handsome price. My two grandchildren are too young to participate in the Landover Witch Hunt, but I would still love for them to get their first kill. Old grandpa is just worried something bad could happen with all the running around in the dark woods, the guns, and the malnourished rottweilers. Not to mention the threat of the witches catching them or putting a cruse on them! I was hoping one of you may have had, or know someone who has, a handicapped, crippled or incapacitated witch. Maybe a broken leg or a nasty case of brain damage.

Please e-mail me if you've got anything. Name your price.

Thanks,
Wash

I will have you know that my Rottweilers are NOT malnourished! They are fed a biological appropriate diet based on raw meat and bones. Just because they're not as fat as most that you see, does not mean they are malnourished.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Looking to buy a witch

Gee Wash, maybe you can come by the Church Wiccan and Emmo kernel and pick out a pick out a trotter or two and we can make sure they are cripple for you. Don't want your little grand kids getting hurt.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Looking to buy a witch

Gee Wash, maybe you can come by the Church Wiccan and Emmo kernel and pick out a pick out a trotter or two and we can make sure they are cripple for you. Don't want your little grand kids getting hurt.

Exactly. We still have a few of the breeders from last year. He could have one of those.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Looking to buy a witch

Have you thought about going to the tard school and making them an offer?

I bet you could get two or three for the price of one. Seriously, who wants a tard around. I'm sure if you just took one no one would notice that either. Why, I bet a few of them wander off every day and go missing.

[Witch of Endor]

Re: Looking to buy a witch

Mr. O'Hanley, I see you are interested in procuring the services of a witch.

While I was unaware that your God allowed you to purchase services from witches, please allow me to be the first to put forward my resume! I am currently running a special on fertility magyck (ask about my group rates!), but am also quite skilled with divinations, augeries, invocations, stargazing, the tarot sciences, curses and hexes (must be 18!), herbs and poultices, and apprentice-level necromancy. Of course, I don't normally do magic shows, but I would be happy to make an exception if that is what your grandchildren would like to experience. Who knows, maybe they'll even be interested in picking up the Craft!

Blessed be, my entrepreneurial friend in Christ

Kassandra, Witch of Endor

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Looking to buy a witch

I got distracted while witch hunting last night, so I missed one when I shot her. She is heavily wounded but still alive. I have her chained to the wall in my backyard as I intended to wait until she healed to make hunting her again more fair and more fun. She makes a lot of noise, which should make it easier for your grandchildren to hunt her down. Also her wounds make her slow. You can have her for free if you want to have her.

[VampireSlayer]

Re: Looking to buy a witch

You may want to cut out its tongue to be on the safe side, you don't know what sort of evil incantations it might know.

Alternatively, sow its lips together, and its eyelids together, just to make sure it can't cast the evil eye. Oh, and shave its hair, lest it turn it into a writhing mass of venomous snakes. They can do that, you know.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Looking to buy a witch

I have one rule. Never trust a witch. You got to keep them restrained at all times. At the Hutchins plantation, we just got a case of these :


They are great for when you did not get a kill. You can attach the chain to a 50-0 pound cement block and let the little one shoot thier .223 to get thier first kill. Be sure to have your camera at the ready, these are precious moments you want to be able to cherish forever.
These are also great for when a ethnic person steps out of line.

I remember when I was a lad and I bagged my first one. I still have the iron collar and chain:

[James Hutchins]

Re: Looking to buy a witch

I thought I'd mention that you have to be very careful with an unrestrained witch. Fortunately, At the Hutchins house, we regularly run drills to hone our reflexes. Here is a picture I got last 2/07/2008 (out of season, I know but is was in OUR house!!!)of a witch that got into a sub basement over at the bunker. BillyJoe was on guard that night. She called her brother Cliff, who snapped this picture just before BillyJoe bagged the witch.



We still have the head somewhere though it got pretty messed up. Like all females, BillyJoe is a sloppy shot. She really should not use full auto.

[RomanK]

Re: Looking to buy a witch

Finding a witch is easy. Praying as if to gain a physical reward is no less than a pagan spell. So in fact prayer is witchcraft. I'm sure you know someone somewhere. And if people actually trusted the path in which god placed them on they wouldn't need to ask God for anything. They would know that it has already been provided. in the form of the Earth; Gods Church.

BTW Hell or HEL comes from the Norse Yggdrasil. Its about creation and the Ash Tree. Or what you might understand as the tree in the garden.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Looking to buy a witch

if people actually trusted the path in which god placed them on they wouldn't need to ask God for anything. They would know that it has already been provided. in the form of the Earth; Gods Church.

A good point!

BTW Hell or HEL comes from the Norse Yggdrasil. Its about creation and the Ash Tree. Or what you might understand as the tree in the garden.

Yes, that would explain why it's in the Bible, written centuries before Norse mythology existed.

[RomanK]

Re: Looking to buy a witch

You miss the implication. The Norse deciphered the constructs behind the Christian principals, probably due to a passing down long before the Bible was wrote. having been reminded by the Bible they were able to correlate between the two.

The meru Foundation, even though I don't like the guy in charge has the basic principals behind it.

http://www.meru.org/Posters/TreeofAbraham.html

http://www.meru.org/contin.html