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  • Rev. M. Rodimer
    Honorary True Christian™
    Forum Member
    • May 2008
    • 13996
    #1

    How will you celebrate the New Year?

    My church board decided to host a late-night service, complete with prayers, singing, and even champagne at midnight (limited to one glass, of course), to give our congregation a chance to ring in the New Year with Jesus.

    What are you going to do?
    Bible boring? Nonsense!
    Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
    You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
    Tags: None
    • Pastor Al E Pistle
      Christ's Cōnsiliārius
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 9323
      #2
      Re: How will you celebrate the New Year?

      Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
      My church board decided to host a late-night service, complete with prayers, singing, and even champagne at midnight (limited to one glass, of course), to give our congregation a chance to ring in the New Year with Jesus.

      What are you going to do?
      I shall sit here, read my Bible, and contemplate the sins of the world.
      Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
      "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
      Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


        Comment

        • H. Montague Worthington
          True Christian™ Entrepreneur
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 2716
          #3
          Re: How will you celebrate the New Year?

          Me and my wife Delores are going to pray this evening that Anderson Cooper, Ryan Seacrest, and Carson Daly each reveal the true preversions of their homersexural tendencies on the air tonight. These homersexurals each should be destroyed and discredited because of the homersexural lifestyles and the Left Wing Media's mission to destroy the American Family by pumping their homersexural talk into our living rooms. We're going to bed at 10:00 p.m. in seperate twin beds to express our outrage at their homersexural recruiting specacles being thrust rudely into our Christian living rooms.

          Disgusting!

          I pray for the next generation to rebel against this viscious, provocative advertisement for the homersexural lifestyle being thrust violently and repeatedly into our householes--- er, households!

            Comment

            • Pastor Ezekiel
              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
               
              • Sep 2006
              • 78555
              #4
              Re: How will you celebrate the New Year?

              It is a tradition in the Flint family (well, the men anyway, I think the women just hide) to spend New Year's Eve fashioning switches or carving scripture into wooden paddles to be used on the servants first thing New Year's Day.

              Praise Jesus.
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                Comment

                • Brother Temperance
                  Senior Usher
                  True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                  A very nice young man
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 15621
                  #5
                  Re: How will you celebrate the New Year?

                  I spent New Year's Eve the same way as I always do: wandering around looking for house parties where someone'd left the door unlocked, then walking in and reading aloud from the Books of Ecclesiastes and Job at the top of my voice. It's tough work, but it's got to be done.
                  O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                  God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                    Comment

                    • Mr. Jingles
                      Forum Member
                      Forum Member
                      • Aug 2007
                      • 574
                      #6
                      Re: How will you celebrate the New Year?

                      I spent New Years' Eve reading the KJB & Chick Tracts. I never go out on New Years' Eve. The steeets are filled with people having a good time, which the Bible forbids. New Years' Eve is one of Satans' holidays, you know.

                        Comment

                        • Eugene Hackwith
                          Farmer for Christ™
                          True Christian™
                          • Jan 2008
                          • 736
                          #7
                          Re: How will you celebrate the New Year?

                          I certainly wasn't out on the roads yesterday OR today. Too many drunks out and about.
                          A baby is a human being, not a stem cell!

                          Psalm 139:19-20
                          Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
                          For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.

                            Comment

                            • openmind
                              Unsaved trash
                               
                              • Dec 2008
                              • 55
                              #8
                              Re: How will you celebrate the New Year?

                              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                              It is a tradition in the Flint family (well, the men anyway, I think the women just hide) to spend New Year's Eve fashioning switches or carving scripture into wooden paddles to be used on the servants first thing New Year's Day.

                              Praise Jesus.

                              Are you for REAL???

                                Comment

                                • Ezekiel Bathfire
                                  Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                                  Christ's Rottweiler
                                   
                                  • Jan 2008
                                  • 22882
                                  #9
                                  Re: How will you celebrate the New Year?

                                  Originally posted by openmind View Post
                                  Are you for REAL???
                                  Pastor Ezekiel is away at the moment lecturing in Japan on Creationist Medicine. However, in his absence, I can confirm that Pastor Ezekiel has never been know to issue a statement that does not conform to general Landover practise.

                                  For and on behalf of Pastor E. Flint
                                  sigpic


                                  “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                                  Author of such illuminating essays as,
                                  Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                                    Comment

                                    • Rabbi Ina Barskin
                                      Unsaved trash
                                      Under Investigation
                                      • Jan 2009
                                      • 1
                                      #10
                                      Re: How will you celebrate the New Year?

                                      Hello, good people. I am beginning to enjoy the new year by joining you here! L'chaim!
                                      So what am I, chopped liver?

                                        Comment

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