Apologies for my absence

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Friends -

In the current economy, layoffs are happening everywhere (except possibly Freehold). North Salem is no exception. As a result, tithes have plummeted.

People are still giving of their unemployment checks, and one even behaved in a truly Godly manner, like the widow with the two mites . . . donating his entire check each week!

Sadly, that hasn't been enough.

While I've not been laid off, I've had to reduce several of my staff to part-time, and lay a couple more off entirely. I'm also called upon far more frequently to provide marital counseling for couples under stress.

In one such case, the wife (we'll call her Rosie) knew her husband (we'll call him Jim) was about to be laid off, so she went out and got a job at the local Wal-Mart.

Jim got depressed, and started drinking his entire unemployment check. When drunk, he'd beat on Rosie whenever she got uppity and demanded that he sober up and get a new job.

Finally, Rosie thought she should leave Jim. She came to me for approval, saying he was abusive, beating her daily, and, heck, she was the only one making any money anyway!

Naturally, I called Jim up right away, and he came down to the church and dragged her from the office by her hair. I praised God for granting me the opportunity to help keep this happy couple together, and prevent Rosie from making a horrible mistake.

I've not heard any further complaints from Rosie, so I assume everything has worked out for the best.

As a result of all this extra counseling and increased workload, I simply haven't had much opportunity to help you all in your online witnessing to the unSaved(c). I just wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten you, and will stop in as time permits.

Yours in Christ,

Mark

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Apologies for my absence

Yes, I’d noted you’d been away as I was perusing some Godly advice you had handed out elsewhere some days earlier. I’m sorry to hear your flock’s difficulties are increasing but was it not God who said,

1Ki:8:37: If there be in the land famine, if there be pestilence, blasting, mildew, locust, or if there be caterpiller; if their enemy besiege them in the land of their cities; whatsoever plague, whatsoever sickness there be;
1Ki:8:38: What prayer and supplication soever be made by any man, or by all thy people Israel, which shall know every man the plague of his own heart, and spread forth his hands toward this house:
1Ki:8:39: Then hear thou in heaven thy dwelling place, and forgive, and do, and give to every man according to his ways, whose heart thou knowest; (for thou, even thou only, knowest the hearts of all the children of men
1Ki:8:40: That they may fear thee all the days that they live in the land which thou gavest unto our fathers.

Landover seems quite unaffected by any downturn.

[Brother Lazarus]

Re: Apologies for my absence

Friends -

In the current economy, layoffs are happening everywhere (except possibly Freehold). North Salem is no exception. As a result, tithes have plummeted.

People are still giving of their unemployment checks, and one even behaved in a truly Godly manner, like the widow with the two mites . . . donating his entire check each week!

Sadly, that hasn't been enough.

While I've not been laid off, I've had to reduce several of my staff to part-time, and lay a couple more off entirely. I'm also called upon far more frequently to provide marital counseling for couples under stress.

In one such case, the wife (we'll call her Rosie) knew her husband (we'll call him Jim) was about to be laid off, so she went out and got a job at the local Wal-Mart.

Jim got depressed, and started drinking his entire unemployment check. When drunk, he'd beat on Rosie whenever she got uppity and demanded that he sober up and get a new job.

Finally, Rosie thought she should leave Jim. She came to me for approval, saying he was abusive, beating her daily, and, heck, she was the only one making any money anyway!

Naturally, I called Jim up right away, and he came down to the church and dragged her from the office by her hair. I praised God for granting me the opportunity to help keep this happy couple together, and prevent Rosie from making a horrible mistake.

I've not heard any further complaints from Rosie, so I assume everything has worked out for the best.

As a result of all this extra counseling and increased workload, I simply haven't had much opportunity to help you all in your online witnessing to the unSaved©. I just wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten you, and will stop in as time permits.

Yours in Christ,

Mark

It's inspiring to see that your Good True Christian Guidance has helped keep this Christian Marriage intact. On the other hand, perhaps your time management skills need to be improved.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[JennyD]

Re: Apologies for my absence

RevRod, it warms my heart to hear how you kept Rosie from becoming an adulterating slut, and saved their happy marriage!

[SUV]

Re: Apologies for my absence

Glad to see you back, Reverend Rodimer, but do tread carefully here. There have been some changes in your absence. We now have Fatal Familial Insomnia/"mad cow" disease/Creutzfeldt-Jakob/kuru/scrapie on the board.

And of course, we still anxiously await Rat Attack 2009 ("RA9") which shall usher in the Armageddon.

PS Did you stop at IHOP to see if they had any Pancakes left and if so, did you bring any back with you? Maybe some Donuts?

[JennyD]

Re: Apologies for my absence

Glad to see you back, Reverend Rodimer, but do tread carefully here. There have been some changes in your absence. We now have Fatal Familial Insomnia/"mad cow" disease/Creutzfeldt-Jakob/kuru/scrapie on the board.

And of course, we still anxiously await Rat Attack 2009 ("RA9") which shall usher in the Armageddon.

PS Did you stop at IHOP to see if they had any Pancakes left and if so, did you bring any back with you? Maybe some Donuts?

Sister, on my way back from a trip to Davenport, I picked up a few dozen Krispy Kreme donuts. Would you (or any of the Ladies) like to stop by the Monthly Visitor for one or two this evening?

[SUV]

Re: Apologies for my absence

Sister, on my way back from a trip to Davenport, I picked up a few dozen Krispy Kreme donuts. Would you (or any of the Ladies) like to stop by the Monthly Visitor for one or two this evening?

Me! Me! And only ME! Some of these darn "Ladies" around here Eat more Sweets than are Good for them anyway

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Apologies for my absence

Sister Jenny, I wish I were down in Freehold now . . . I'd love to chow down on your delicious glazed donuts!