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God hates wine coolers and all other girly drinks. He also hates McDonald's and Pollocks! It's in the Bible!
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Re: God Hates Wine Coolers!
Can you give us that particular Scripture please?Originally posted by Maynard View Post
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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Re: God Hates Wine Coolers!
I believe it is in the lost book of Enoch. Yeah, I'm definitely sure about that.Comment
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Re: God Hates Wine Coolers!
Landover has a copy of that in the Christian Library and the quote's simply not there. Fess up, you know nothing.sigpic
Author of such illuminating essays as,
“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.Comment
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Re: God Hates Wine Coolers!
Worse than knowing nothing, what he knows is wrong. I think that's known as having a negative IQ.Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View PostComment
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Re: God Hates Wine Coolers!
I was wrong. Please forgive me. I will not quote anymore scripture until I have read the whole Bible. I also will not say anymore lies out of my heathen mouth. I have changed the way in which I see. I'm ready to give my life over to the Lord Jesus. Praise the Lord!Comment
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Re: God Hates Wine Coolers!
Talk's cheap, get on out there and do some saving of souls.
A little test for you, it's Sunday and you see a homer in a polycotton shirt watering his pansies. The Homer says, "I've just come from worshiping at St Mary's. God, it's hot, my mother's nagged me into doing this."
How many sins has he committed and what's the maximum punishment?sigpic
Author of such illuminating essays as,
“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.Comment
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Re: God Hates Wine Coolers!
Tomorrow actually is Sunday.Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Let's get him up before the entire Congregation and see what his explanation will be. It'll be even better than a "Team Interview"
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Re: God Hates Wine Coolers!
I'm game. I'll do what ever is asked of me.Originally posted by SUV View PostTomorrow actually is Sunday.
Let's get him up before the entire Congregation and see what his explanation will be. It'll be even better than a "Team Interview"Comment
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Re: God Hates Wine Coolers!
Then, maybe you could make an attempt to answer Pastor Bathfire's question.Originally posted by Maynard View PostChristians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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Re: God Hates Wine Coolers!
5 sinsOriginally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Capital Punishment
1. Working on Sunday
2. Homosexual
3. Idolatry
4. Using the Lords name in vain
5. Honor thy Father and Mother
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Re: God Hates Wine Coolers!
Did I get it right?Comment
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Re: God Hates Wine Coolers!
Even though wine was involved in one of Jesus' first miracles, I'm convinced that there must be something Jesus doesn't like about wine coolers. It could be because they are adulterated, or maybe because homers drink them – and we all know God hates homers.
The purveyors of wine coolers have made this blasphemous commercial – which is certainly one strike against them.
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawnsigpicComment
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Re: God Hates Wine Coolers!
You missed outthe polycotton shirt: 22:11 Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woolen and linen together.Originally posted by Maynard View Post
Otherwise you might be able to be saved. Bonus marks were available for the questionable practice of watering flowers at any time; this is God's Job:
M't:6:28: And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
M't:6:29: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
M't:6:30: Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
Additionally you did mention the maximum penalty for these vile offenses: death. BUT
James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.
So you get 0%
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Author of such illuminating essays as,
“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.Comment
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