How can you tell a REAL American(tm)?

[H. Montague Worthington]

Real Americans(tm) like me and Sarah Palin have been talking a lot about Real Americans(tm) lately, and it occured to me, ""Gee, Monty, I wonder if some of the stupid liberals even KNOW what a Real American(tm) is....." So for those of you morans that wouldn't have any idea of what constitutes a Real American(tm) because of your liberal indoctination and deep-seated hatred for this country, here is a partial list of what

-- He believes in God and The Free Market.
-- His name doesn't end in a vowel.
-- He owns a gun or two, and is damn proud of it!
-- He does not live in a large city.
-- He's probably married.
-- He votes Republican.
-- He thinks America is The Greatest Country in the History of the World(r).
-- He wants Big Government off his back.
-- He's never even seen a soccer game.
-- He likes to "sit at the kitchen table" when he makes his household budget.
-- He owns at least three televisions and one truck.

Please, folks, add your own definitions, because these liberal America-haters are too stupid to know!!!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: How can you tell a REAL American™?

- He thinks the only thing one man should do with another man is play football or go hunting.
- He can walk into any small town Rotary Club and blend in.
- He uses a lot of sunblock. Not because he's scared of "cancer" or whatever ScIeNtists are blaming on the sun this week, but because he doesn't want to end up looking like a Mexican't.

[James Hutchins]

Re: How can you tell a REAL American™?

A real American(tm) cooks with fire and likes his steaks well done.
A real American(tm) is not afraid to say what is on his mind.
A real American(tm) is happy to police the world.
A real American(tm) is fortunate to have God as his co-pilot through life.
A real American(tm) makes plentiful use of the resources God left for him on and inside of the Earth.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: How can you tell a REAL American™?

• He drives an SUV, not a compact or a hybrid, and he sure as heck doesn't take Metro.
• If he has to live in a metropolitan area at all (say, to work for a defense contractor), he lives in a low-density outer suburb.
• He knows that "tolerance" and "diversity" are code words for persecution of REAL Americans™.
• He deplores wasteful government programs.
• He understands that whatever benefits other REAL Americans™ is by definition not a wasteful government program.
• He believes in Constitutionally limited government. Namely, unelected liberal activist judges should be limited from enforcing "rights" for people other than REAL Americans™.

[James Dewitt]

Re: How can you tell a REAL American™?

He eats steak and baked potatoes, unless its a burger with American fries. No need for sissy food from California or the Ornament.

His priorities are in this order, Jesus,Church and family.

He understands that a "G string" belongs on a musical instrument and not something that a person wears.

[Cody Parsons]

Re: How can you tell a REAL American™?

Every tv channels blocked except for ESPN.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: How can you tell a REAL American™?

• He always orders a side of ranch dressing
• He doesn't NOT have Dejoin mustard in his refrigerator
• He is fiscally responsible and always makes his minum payment on all five of his credit cards.
• He knows an apple is a fruit and not a computer.
• He refuses to by some commie mobile from Detroit and gets his vehicles from a REAL American(tm) auto manufacturer like Honda.

[Jimmy-Roy Stewart]

Re: How can you tell a REAL American™?

• He drives an SUV, not a compact or a hybrid, and he sure as heck doesn't take Metro.
• If he has to live in a metropolitan area at all (say, to work for a defense contractor), he lives in a low-density outer suburb.
• He knows that "tolerance" and "diversity" are code words for persecution of REAL Americans™.
• He deplores wasteful government programs.
• He understands that whatever benefits other REAL Americans™ is by definition not a wasteful government program.
• He believes in Constitutionally limited government. Namely, unelected liberal activist judges should be limited from enforcing "rights" for people other than REAL Americans™.

Whats metro?

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: How can you tell a REAL American™?

Whats metro?

It may have something to do with "metrosexual" (PC word for sodomites).

[Jo Freddie]

Re: How can you tell a REAL American™?

He looks like this

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: How can you tell a REAL American™?

He looks like this
PRON DELETED

You sick monster, clearly you have spent to much time before the mast!

[Jet O'Niell]

Re: How can you tell a REAL American™?

Either that or he is checking for anus AIDS, because he just hired some messicants to do yard work for him.

True American
-Goes to Church every Sunday and tithes generously
-Converts heathens and blasphemers to Christianity
-Does not believe in the giant spaghetti monster

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: How can you tell a REAL American™?

REAL American(tm)

• Has a "support the troops" sticker on his SUV
• Never missed a Glen Beck show
• Never seen a Keith Olberman show
• Eats at Applebees
• Knows the Constitution isn't a living document.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: How can you tell a REAL American™?

• A Real American™ doesn't know anything about world geography -- and doesn't need to, since the world revolves around America.
• A Real American™ supports his country right or wrong (except when it's controlled by the Democrats).
• A Real American™ wears fanny packs because they stand for everything that's American - fashionable, practical, innovative.
• A Real American™ knows the Middle East is important because we have to protect freedom-loving democracies like Saudi Arabia from autocratic dictatorships like Iran and Palestine.
• A Real American™ doesn't mind if his job gets outsourced to the third world as long as it means 10% cheaper goods at Wal-Mart.
• A Real American™ trusts authority. If they weren't right, they wouldn't be in a position of authority, now would they?
• A Real American™ is not only against illegal immigration, but legal immigration as well.
• A Real American™ knows Budweiser is the best beer in the world, not that stinky, harsh Belgian monk brew.
• A Real American™ knows it is his God-given right to not be able to afford private health insurance and resist the public health insurance the nanny state wants to force upon us.
• A Real American™ knows that the First and Second Amendments are Godly (but stuff like the 4th and 5th needs to get thrown out because they protect violent criminals).
• A Real American™ doesn't watch PBS.
• A Real American™ knows we single-handedly saved the world in World War II.

[idioticyoungfool]

Re: How can you tell a REAL American™?

• A Real American™ knows we single-handedly saved the world in World War II.

I agree with everything you said but this. Believe it or not, Russia reached Berlin first, not the allies invading from the west. 'Allies' referring to a coalition of countries, not just America.