[Brother Bob Cross]

Re: I'm out!!! YEEEEHAWWWW

Well, you are still going to have to receive a battery of tests to find out if you caught any nigra diseases. We can't have Sister Roberta being courted by a man whose tallywhacker is as dangerous as a shared needle in a Detroit crack house. Let us know how the AIDS test goes.

We'll need to know the facility you get tested at so that we can verify the results.

Are there any testing centers specifically suggested by Landover? I'm afraid if I go to the wrong place, some satan loving wiccan witchdoctor will inject me with AIDS himself. I looked in the phone book for Christian STD testing and was unable to find anything... what has the world come to?

[Roberta]

Re: I'm out!!! YEEEEHAWWWW

I am anxious to find out about your blood tests, Brother Bob!

You maintain that you are a straight man but do you protest too much? If everything you say is true, I keep wondering why your wife chose to cuckold you. Could it be that you were spending more time with 12 year old football wannabes than in your conjugal bed?

[Peter]

Re: I'm out!!! YEEEEHAWWWW

After finding the nigra buck that ruined my marriage and beating the smell out of him. (only joking of course, you can't get it out) I was arrested! ???? Luckily in Texas the sentence is much shorter if it targets a darkie. So after 3 months in jail I'm back. Glad you folks are keepin' up this place. I can finally get back to my search for a new virgin wife. That sums up my last 3 months, aside from the details of that neo-plantation I was locked up in. Haven't seen that many nigras in such a small place since the last time I drove by Popeye's.

PRAISE!

You're a criminal so they should lock you back up in jail were you belong, you racist!

[Peter]

Re: I'm out!!! YEEEEHAWWWW

Well, you are still going to have to receive a battery of tests to find out if you caught any nigra diseases. We can't have Sister Roberta being courted by a man whose tallywhacker is as dangerous as a shared needle in a Detroit crack house. Let us know how the AIDS test goes.

We'll need to know the facility you get tested at so that we can verify the results.

Funny that you mention it, because you're black yourself.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: I'm out!!! YEEEEHAWWWW

You're a criminal so they should lock you back up in jail were you belong, you racist!

At Landover we have a strict anti-racial policy; we simply will not tolerate it! If you see any instance of racism, (a) I would be shocked and (b) you should report it – the Pastors will take strong action.

However, I do note a hint of hypocrisy in your posting: You pretend that you come from the fictional country of Belgian but is not the creation myth of that imaginary place filled with war between those who speak different languages (Gibberish and Rubbish I think, if I remember correctly)?

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: I'm out!!! YEEEEHAWWWW

Funny that you mention it, because you're black yourself.

I am not "black". I am as white as the day Jesus washed me in His blood.

I do not steal pies, smoke crack, care about "shiny tings", rape white women, listen to cRap music, steal hubcaps, carjack white people, tap dance, collect welfare, play the drums, crave watermelon, have problems speaking proper American, nor am I loud, obnoxious, or have to be the center of attention.

I'm going to have to give you some infractions for insulting a moderator with racist remarks. My patience runs very thin when it comes to racism.

[Peter]

Re: I'm out!!! YEEEEHAWWWW

I am not "black". I am as white as the day Jesus washed me in His blood.

I do not steal pies, smoke crack, care about "shiny tings", rape white women, listen to cRap music, steal hubcaps, carjack white people, tap dance, collect welfare, play the drums, crave watermelon, have problems speaking proper American, nor am I loud, obnoxious, or have to be the center of attention.

I'm going to have to give you some infractions for insulting a moderator with racist remarks. My patience runs very thin when it comes to racism.

Saying that someone is black isn't racist, saying stereotypes like you mention above THAT's racism.
There are some people on this forum who use derogatory terms and they don't get infractions, while I never use derogatory terms and I do get infractions, that's just hypocrite.

[JennyD]

Re: I'm out!!! YEEEEHAWWWW

Saying that someone is black isn't racist, saying stereotypes like you mention above THAT's racism.
There are some people on this forum who use derogatory terms and they don't get infractions, while I never use derogatory terms and I do get infractions, that's just hypocrite.

Oh, your impassioned plea makes me so SAAAD!







Typical whining little liebral punk. First you insult our Godly moderator, whom you should know (by, say, reading his TITLE) is an EX-NEGRO, and then throw yourself a pity party when you get called on your disgusting racism.

If you want to see a hypocrite, friend, I suggest you try a mirror!

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: I'm out!!! YEEEEHAWWWW

Saying that someone is black isn't racist, saying stereotypes like you mention above THAT's racism.
There are some people on this forum who use derogatory terms and they don't get infractions, while I never use derogatory terms and I do get infractions, that's just hypocrite.

The designation of "black" is not, was not, and never will be anything but a horrid slanderous remark!!!

Black: dirty, soiled; characterized by the absence of light; thoroughly sinister or evil : wicked; indicative of condemnation or discredit; connected with or invoking the supernatural and especially the devil; very sad, gloomy, or calamitous; marked by the occurrence of disaster; characterized by hostility or angry discontent : sullen

As you can clearly see you do indeed use derogatory terms. Keep up your racist tirade and you'll find yourself in quarantine!!!

I would like an apology, sir.

[Brother Bob Cross]

Re: I'm out!!! YEEEEHAWWWW

I am anxious to find out about your blood tests, Brother Bob!

You maintain that you are a straight man but do you protest too much? If everything you say is true, I keep wondering why your wife chose to cuckold you. Could it be that you were spending more time with 12 year old football wannabes than in your conjugal bed?

How many times do I have to say it??? I AIN'T GAY! And leave my team out of this! Those pats on the buttocks were purely for encouragement, not some homer enjoyment.

Forgive my heated response. It's just a sensitive subject as I've stated before. After spending 3 months in that nigra infested cesspool, people just keep accusing me of the damnedest things!

My wife made a cuckold of me for one obvious reason. Satan instilled a deep seeded urge for supposedly enormous negroid genitalia. This immediately turned her into a harlot and I'm unsure if she can ever be considered clean again.

I did my tests today and I'm clear of AIDS but oddly I have dormant chlamydia... it really doesn't make sense. Maybe my wife was being a tramp for longer than imagined. That must be it. Either way, I'm throwing back penicillin and it'll be cleared up in no time!

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: I'm out!!! YEEEEHAWWWW

I did my tests today and I'm clear of AIDS but oddly I have dormant chlamydia... it really doesn't make sense. Maybe my wife was being a tramp for longer than imagined. That must be it. Either way, I'm throwing back penicillin and it'll be cleared up in no time!

*sigh*

Mr. Cross... we really want to see you get better. You know that, right? We have plenty of Ex-Gay True Christians and we do not think any less of them. But you see, Mr. Cross, they made the decison to give up the gay lifestyle and seek Jesus's help. If they'd continued to lie to themselves they would forever be closet sodomites and be on a fast track to Hell. I'm just throwing that out there. Not implying that you are a queer or anything.

Well, the real issue I'm having is that you wish to court True Christian women while being sneaky and dishonest. There is simply no way that your AIDs test has come back negative. It takes 28 days for an AIDS test to yield results. If you lied about the results you probably lied about taking it in the first place. And you would probably lie about the test even if you did find out you contracted AIDS from those prison bucks. How can we ever trust you, Mr. Cross?

We can't risk Sister Roberta's health by allowing her to couple with a man full of nigra diseases, now can we?

[Brother Bob Cross]

Re: I'm out!!! YEEEEHAWWWW

*sigh*

Mr. Cross... we really want to see you get better. You know that, right? We have plenty of Ex-Gay True Christians and we do not think any less of them. But you see, Mr. Cross, they made the decison to give up the gay lifestyle and seek Jesus's help. If they'd continued to lie to themselves they would forever be closet sodomites and be on a fast track to Hell. I'm just throwing that out there. Not implying that you are a queer or anything.

Well, the real issue I'm having is that you wish to court True Christian women while being sneaky and dishonest. There is simply no way that your AIDs test has come back negative. It takes 28 days for an AIDS test to yield results. If you lied about the results you probably lied about taking it in the first place. And you would probably lie about the test even if you did find out you contracted AIDS from those prison bucks. How can we ever trust you, Mr. Cross?

We can't risk Sister Roberta's health by allowing her to couple with a man full of nigra diseases, now can we?

Alright. I suppose it's about time to come clean. I had tests taken and have had no results, but I will have them faxed to LBC when they are complete. In the nigra pit, they held me down and plundered my holey vessel time and time again. And after the bleeding stopped, I almost began to... God help me... enjoy it. Am I gay? Oh Lord. I just don't know anymore. What's a man to do when he's forced into such circumstances? It's a tough path to take willingly when you know the word of the Lord damns it so forcibly. Do I really like being crammed full of negroid parts as much as my harlot ex-wife? I'm so confused. I'm unsure what to do.

MATTHEW 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

So would it not be similarly heart-corrupting to look upon a man with lust? I've also made the mistake of gazing upon Pastor Ezekiel's perfect male figure. With God's grace he was able to shun my feeble advances with the kindness only begot by the very Pastors here at Landover.

5:29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
5:30 And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

Surely I hope this taint can be extracted from my being and make me pure once again. I request the full support of the gentle members of Landover in this shameful era of my life. Please forgive my resistance Justina, surely you know the power of such overwhelming demonic minions of Satan. Those starfish piercing jigaboos may have ruined my pristine back alley with their enormous sin-sticks, but I can only pray that they'll never falter my love of our one true Lord, Jesus Christ.

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: I'm out!!! YEEEEHAWWWW

Alright. I suppose it's about time to come clean. I had tests taken and have had no results, but I will have them faxed to LBC when they are complete. In the nigra pit, they held me down and plundered my holey vessel time and time again. And after the bleeding stopped, I almost began to... God help me... enjoy it. Am I gay? Oh Lord. I just don't know anymore. What's a man to do when he's forced into such circumstances? It's a tough path to take willingly when you know the word of the Lord damns it so forcibly. Do I really like being crammed full of negroid parts as much as my harlot ex-wife? I'm so confused. I'm unsure what to do.

MATTHEW 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

So would it not be similarly heart-corrupting to look upon a man with lust? I've also made the mistake of gazing upon Pastor Ezekiel's perfect male figure. With God's grace he was able to shun my feeble advances with the kindness only begot by the very Pastors here at Landover.

5:29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
5:30 And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

Surely I hope this taint can be extracted from my being and make me pure once again. I request the full support of the gentle members of Landover in this shameful era of my life. Please forgive my resistance Justina, surely you know the power of such overwhelming demonic minions of Satan. Those starfish piercing jigaboos may have ruined my pristine back alley with their enormous sin-sticks, but I can only pray that they'll never falter my love of our one true Lord, Jesus Christ.

Well, that was a BIG shocker, Brother Cross!!! Why, I had no idea whatsoever that you had turned bi-curious. In light of this totally surprising and unexpected revelation I think it is high time we get you into the Landover Baptist Homosexual Preparative Ward to see if our newest ex-gay surgical procedure is right for you. Also be sure to speak with Brother Joseph Whitford and his wife Mrs. Joseph Whitford. They are both ex-gays who overcame their decision to be queer without the use of surgery and can answer any questions you have about the Ex-Gay Ministry's various programs. WOW, what a complete and utterly unexpected surprise this news of you being bi-curious is.

Well, it turns out that AIDS tests only take 20 minutes these days. The new 20 minute procedure has been out since 2005. How could I have forgotten? Oh, well, at least you've finally come forward and you're on your way to Salvation. SHOUT GLORY!!!

[Brother Bob Cross]

Re: I'm out!!! YEEEEHAWWWW

Well, that was a BIG shocker, Brother Cross!!! Why, I had no idea whatsoever that you had turned bi-curious. In light of this totally surprising and unexpected revelation I think it is high time we get you into the Landover Baptist Homosexual Preparative Ward to see if our newest ex-gay surgical procedure is right for you. Also be sure to speak with Brother Joseph Whitford and his wife Mrs. Joseph Whitford. They are both ex-gays who overcame their decision to be queer without the use of surgery and can answer any questions you have about the Ex-Gay Ministry's various programs. WOW, what a complete and utterly unexpected surprise this news of you being bi-curious is.

Well, it turns out that AIDS tests only take 20 minutes these days. The new 20 minute procedure has been out since 2005. How could I have forgotten? Oh, well, at least you've finally come forward and you're on your way to Salvation. SHOUT GLORY!!!

Thank you for your guidance Brother Remy, in my haste I must have gone to the wrong testing facility. Some guy put on a glove and fondled around in my rectum, then told me to come back in 2 weeks. Not sure what that was all about. But thank you for your support. I'll begin the ex-gay process immediately, and if it comes to it, the surgical procedure is not out of the question. Whatever it takes to revert this terrible illness of mine, will be done. I ask only for any help or prayer from our members to help me along the way. Thank you all! And thank the Lord for this miraculous program.

[Justina Thyme]

Re: I'm out!!! YEEEEHAWWWW

Please forgive my resistance Justina, surely you know the power of such overwhelming demonic minions of Satan.

I do indeed know of such power, Bob Cross. Being that this was the work of DEMONS,I shall provide you with some information to assist you in your upcoming journey through our perilous world:

Recipe for Self Deliverance
Spiritual Intervention and Maintenance

Attacks may include: Alien Abductions, Abductaholics, Alters, Channeling, Cults, Curses, Demons, Demonesses, Devils, DID, Fetishes, Generational Curses, Haunts, Incantations, Incubus and Succubus, MPD, Obeah, Possession, Ritual Abuse, Satanism, Santeria, Spells, Sorcery, SRA, Trans-Possesive States, Unclean Spirits, Voudoo, and UFO Encounters.

Real Audio Sound Byte of a Deliverance

A Guide for Self Deliverance

by Chris Ward, Doctorate of Ministry

The following is a guide for the extraction and maintenance of unclean spirits of all types. It is designed to assist people during moments of critical spiritual attack and its aftermath. If followed, it will deliver you from the attacks of unclean spirits and put you under the covering and protection of the Lord Jesus Christ.

1. If you are being attacked in a dream or in person by a demon, devil, incubus, succubus, Satan, unclean spirit, unclean bird or alien, immediately cry out the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and plead the Blood of the Lamb of God. If you have the mind, say the following:

"The Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth rebuke you. The Lord Adonai rebuke you. I claim the Blood of the Lamb, the shed Blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, that you leave. In the Name of Jesus get out!" Repeat until it leaves. It will leave.
If you don't have the mind, let's just say you are in a complete panic or overwhelmed with a total oppressive paralyzing terror, say: "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus..." Repeat for effect. This will absolutely work.

Quoting scripture or the name of God has also been known to work quite effectively.

Never say the following: I rebuke you, I command you, or I adjure you. This will only make it personal and it may cause you more attack. Try to leave the narcissism out of it. Don't be lazy, learn this prayer of adjurement. "The Lord rebuke you." For more nformation on the prayer of adjurement see Stop.

Remember that Jesus quoted scripture. In Matthew Chapter 4 when He was tempted (attacked/abducted) by the devil he said:

"It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God."

"It is written again, You shall not tempt the Lord your God."

"Away with you Satan, for it is written, 'You shall worship the Lord your God, and Him only you shall serve."

As seen here, quoting scripture is quite effective. Joe Jordan of CE4 is the area director for M.U.F.O.N. in Brevard County Florida. He has over a hundred documented cases of attempted UFO abductions where simply crying out the name of Jesus, the name of God or quoting Holy Scripture actually stopped an abduction. See http://www.ce4.com or http://www.alienresistance.com.

It should also be noted that calling on the name of Solomon, Mohammed, Buddha, Krishna or 'god help me' is not effective. You must be specific. Use the name above all names: Jesus Christ of Nazaerth the lamb of God. Trust me on this one. An exorcism or an attack is not the place to be experimenting with names. Use Jesus Christ. He will help you.

Never use the name of Mohammed! Mohammed and Muslims would consider that blasphemy anyway. We love Muslims and we do not want to offend them, as Paul (1 Timothy 1:13), what they do, they do in ignorance and in unbelief. Muslims are probably covered under the mercy of the Lord like Paul. MUslims can be saved like Paul also. "There is only One God and He is God." according to the Koran. Islam offers no immediate relief from demonic oppression. If fact, they invite jinnies of suicide, terror, doctrinal error, and mayhem in order to conduct Jihad and go to heaven.

Hindu's and Buddhists do not believe in instantaneous deliverance. They believe in a system of works called the Eight Fold Path. When it comes to demons, they even teach people to open themselves up and channel them. For those of you who need instant release based on the immediate grace of God and have decided not to rely on your religion of merit based works, call on Jesus. He will set you free immediately! Salvation and deliverance can only come by the free gift of God, as known as grace. We are saved by grace, not works.

Krishna's followers chant the name of Krishna. Since they are already doing this when they encounter demonic oppression, they have no other option than to call on Jesus. Obviously, chanting the name of Krishna endlessly did not work or they would no longer be oppressed or have the need of deliverance.
Another very effective passage in the Bible for any kind of demonic, devil, goddesses, Satan, satans, satanic, or 'Wicked Hosts in high places' activity is Psalm 91. Everyone suffering from night terrors or demonic oppression should memorize Psalm 91.

2. Praise is our first line of defense in an attack. No matter what the incident, do not forget to 'Praise the Lord!' Remember that no matter what the devil has planned for you, God can turn it around. "But where sin abounded, grace abounded all the more..." Romans 5:20.This is especially effective during an abduction.

3. Set one day a week aside for rest. In this fast paced world, we often find ourselves working on Sunday (Acts 19:8; 1st Corinthians 1:7). If this is your situation, dedicate another day of the week to the Lord and stick to it. It will refresh your spirit (pnuema), mind (soul), and body (soma). The enemy loves to get us isolated and cut off. He does his best work when we are all alone and fatigued. Stick together. If you work on Sunday, look for a Messianic Shabbatt service on Friday night or visit a 7th Day Adventist church that meets on a Saturday. Many fellowships offer a Wednesday night or Thursday midweek service. Be there! "And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling or ourselves together, as in the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:25.

4. Prayer is our support system and permission process. Pray throughout the day, seeking God's wisdom, guidance, and ask for His peace. "Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit." Ephesians 6:18.

5. Read the Word of God continually or as often as possible. Three times a day is best. It will bring you faith and peace. You will need all the spiritual nutrition your spirit can find during times of stress and attack. You should start each new day with God's word. "Therefore, laying aside all malice, all guile, hypocrisy, envy, and all evil speaking, as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow." 1 Peter 2: 1-2.

6. Give cheerfully of your finances. God loves a cheerful giver. During times of tribulation, we frequently 'feel' unloved by God. This is normal but untrue. God is love, God is good. Sin is very complicated and many times we are part of the problem. Remember that there is nothing you can do to make God love you more than He already does. Satan's goal is to make us think God is not Good. Giving to God's work is a tangible way of demonstrating our reliance on God and that we have put Him above self, career, family, or our material well being. "But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency on all things, may have an abundance for every good work." 1 Corinthians 9: 6-8.

7. Exercise. Take care of God's temple. A lot of the depression that we encounter can be thwarted with proper exercise, nutrition, and sleep. We need to become partners with God. The Scripture doesn't say that God helps those who help themselves, but it doesn't hurt either. "Do you not know that you are the temple of God and the Holy Spirit dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are." 1 Corinthians 3:16-17.

8. Wait on the Lord. Don't do anything that is not directed by the Lord. God always answers prayer. We don't want to get in the Lord's way. Sometimes we get anxious and try to do God's work for Him. This will only mess things up. Give God some space and time to set things in order. You didn't get in this mess overnight--it probably won't get fixed overnight. Although all things are possible with God remember this: This too will pass."Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall make your path straight." Proverbs 3: 5-6.

9. Get counseling from your pastor or a qualified Christian counselor. God has put them in your life for comfort, support, guidance, and correction. Sometimes we need to be corrected. "And He Himself (Jesus) gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers." Ephesians 4:11.
10. Fast. Fasting is a direct source of quick and powerful spiritual strength. Fast a meal, a day, or just choice foods. See a physician if you have any health problems. "Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, 'Why could we not cast him out?' So Jesus said to them, 'Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting." Matthew 18:20-21.

11. The final and best advice that I can give you is that the devil is on a time clock. Time is on our side. Time is his enemy. Satan can not afford to keep up the attack. Often times, we will actually be set free or receive our break-through and yet not see it in the flesh nor the reality of it for a time. This is especially true with demonization. The enemy will continue on with a very convincing charade of similar activity, but the power of it has gone out. The devil or demon is trying desperately for you to give up and return to your previous condition. This is where the faith of the person under attack must be brought up to speed. Do not listen to the unclean lying spirit. You have been set free. There are three scriptures that I would like to leave you with that will encourage you along your path to deliverance: "Resist the devil and He will flee you.' James 4:7. "Faith comes by hearing, hearing the Word of God." Romans 10:17. Read your Bible. "Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee shall bow, of those of heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Phillippians 2:9-11.

12. Grace:This is a great list of things to do, but don't turn it into works. Let it be a source of direction and comfort. Remember that we are under the grace and not the law. We are under the Shed Blood of Jesus Christ the Lamb of God. Just do your best and let God do the rest. You didn't get saved by a work, you won't lose it by a work. Peter says, 'That the heart is purified by faith not by circumcision or the law of Moses." Acts 15:19.

Keep the faith. God loves you and was on the scene long before you recognized that there was a problem.

Additionally, I would recommend that you memorize the Spiritual Warfare Prayer in my signature line for use in any unexpected situation.

May our Lord be with you, Bob Cross. Beware that you do nothing to put you into the same circumstances that caused your incarceration in the first place.