Should I ever marry?

[Unfalsifiable]

It has been pretty clear to me from my readings of the Apostle Paul's letters that marriage is for the people who need to be able to legitimise their use of their tallywhackers. People who don't need to do this can therefore remain on a higher intellectual plain, not bogged down by a nagging, draining, irrational woman and annoying children.

However, I understand that many of the Godly folk of Landover are indeed married. And that even the gentle Pastor Ezekiel is due to get married! This immediately made me think I have probably made a mistake along the way, somewhere, and it lead me here, to ask this question.

So, do you think marriage would be a good course of action for me?

[Bob4God]

Re: Should I ever marry?

This is indeed an important question.

While GOD did create women for men to have, the Bible is filled with cautions against the dangers of the weaker sex. They seem to have a talent for causing trouble, even from the very beginning when that rebellious Eve ate the apple.

"Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings."- Proverbs 31:3

If you DO get married, rule your home the way a real man would. Remember, though, there will be the added responsibility of making sure your wife leaves the house during her unclean time of the month, and the tasks of keeping her quiet during church, and monitoring her time spent in the bathroom to make sure she remains pure.

Marriage is a holy institution created by GOD and can yield many great things, including more little Christians, but it is filled with dangerous pitfalls induced by sin.

I suggest you pray heartily over the matter!

-Brother Bob

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Should I ever marry?

As I see it, God created woman as a “help meet for him” Now there are plenty of jobs in which I wish no help. Don’t get me wrong, this is not to spurn God’s Gift, for which I am truly grateful (there are some absolutely charming ones) but, as with all gifts, to put it to its proper use;
producing little soldiers for Christ (plus bringing them up, etc)
washing up,
cleaning,
knitting,
sewing,
tilling the earth,
sowing, mowing,
planting,
reaping,
painting,
decorating,
general house repairs,
shopping,
cooking,
fetching and carrying, etc.

Thus freeing the mind of Man from trivia and allowing him to concentrate upon great world problems e.g.

How God can be magnified?
When should we bomb Iran?
How many more troops does Iraq require?
Who will win sporting contests?
How best to catch fish or shoot deer,
Whether an assault rifle should be the right of everyone,
The correct number of concubines,
How the Hardon Collider works,
Is a wet T-shirt contest art?
How fast a car might go (a turbo or a supercharger?) and which is the best
Whether Demoncrats are stupid, evil or both,
Which beer is best, or
Seeking out the best Youtube videos

I could go on.

Now if a man is fortunate enough to be able to otherwise avoid the jobs women do, (e.g. he has servants) then there seems no reason for marriage, which is, indeed a distraction to the proper conduct of life.

[Talitha]

Re: Should I ever marry?

The only Men I've ever heard of who haven't gotten married and had little Soldiers for Christ are Homers.

You ain't a Homer are ya Boy??

[Unfalsifiable]

Re: Should I ever marry?

The only Men I've ever heard of who haven't gotten married and had little Soldiers for Christ are Homers.

You ain't a Homer are ya Boy??

You haven't heard of the Apostle Paul, darling?

Anyway, Zeke, I understand the Woman can take care of many trivialities in life, however it has always seemed to me that they cause more trouble then they solve. The list of chores you gave is probably not half of the list of problems a woman (even the least troublesome of women) will cause!

[Talitha]

Re: Should I ever marry?

You haven't heard of the Apostle Paul, darling?

Of course, but I thought you were referring to Men who are on a higher intellectual Plain like Pastor Zeke.
You just need the right Woman, is all.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Should I ever marry?

You haven't heard of the Apostle Paul, darling?

I am certain that I didn't just see you address sister Talitha as "darling," right!?

And I am equally certain that you don't desire to offend your betters on this Godly forum, right!?

Anyway, Zeke, I understand the Woman can take care of many trivialities in life, however it has always seemed to me that they cause more trouble then they solve. The list of chores you gave is probably not half of the list of problems a woman (even the least troublesome of women) will cause!

My name is Pastor Zeke, and the person you are addressing's name is Mr. Bathfire. I think that limp-wristed school you go to has made your brain go soft boy.

On the topic; Women are surely a lot of trouble, even under the best of curcumstances. They all decend from that empty-headed bitch fool Eve, who single-handedly caused Man's downfall and for us to be cast out of the Garden of Eden. If you do find yourself a wife, make sure that she never forgets that fact for a minute. It's all her fault, according to the Good Book. Amen!

If you can train them not to burn your steak and to shut their yap, they can come in handy. But there are plenty of "ifs" involved.

[Talitha]

Re: Should I ever marry?

I am certain that I didn't just see you address sister Talitha as "darling," right!?

YES!!! He did Pastor.
This young man is obviously secretly lusting after me.

[Bob4God]

Re: Should I ever marry?

If Unfalsifiable is lusting after one of our Godly sisters, we've no choice but to find a small, windowless room in order to minister to him and beat the demons out.

As an experienced prayer warrior, I find that it is most helpful for those suffering from lust to write down all of their lurid, dirty thoughts and share them with Christian brothers. Why, I've even had young men take a pencil and paper and draw me their perverted visualizations with descriptive diagrams, because I often have so much trouble imagining some of the godless sex acts they describe in mere words.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Should I ever marry?

This young man is obviously secretly lusting after me.

The problem may be with you, dearest Sister. You are quite comely and arouse unholy feelings in the chastest men of Landover. I suggest you start donning a frock and faux facial hair.



I think this practice should become mandatory for all Landover ladies, except Sisters VictoryOS and Mary Maria, each of whom are pretty in their own way.

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: Should I ever marry?

Brother you are a true Warrior for Christ™ do not hesitate to share the depraved things you get from him so we may all pray for his eternal soul.

YIC

As an experienced prayer warrior, I find that it is most helpful for those suffering from lust to write down all of their lurid, dirty thoughts and share them with Christian brothers. Why, I've even had young men take a pencil and paper and draw me their perverted visualizations with descriptive diagrams, because I often have so much trouble imagining some of the godless sex acts they describe in mere words.

[Unfalsifiable]

Re: Should I ever marry?

Women. One positive/kind reference from me and they all worry I might be "lusting" over them .

[Talitha]

Re: Should I ever marry?

Women. One positive/kind reference from me and they all worry I might be "lusting" over them .

I only "worry" for your eternal Soul.

I think Brother Hatchet may be right about putting on some facial hair.
It's quite a burden with so many men obviously having these lustful intentions.

[Unfalsifiable]

Re: Should I ever marry?

I only "worry" for your eternal Soul.

I think Brother Hatchet may be right about putting on some facial hair.
It's quite a burden with so many men obviously having these lustful intentions.

You know, I think I am going to forget about marrying.

[Talitha]

Re: Should I ever marry?

You know, I think I am going to forget about marrying.

Now I'm hurt

You just want to lust after my body but have no intention of doing the "right" thing by me.
That's just not nice Mr Falsy.