Tips and tricks to avoid confusing sex-robots with angels?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

JAKARTA, Indonesia – A small village in Indonesia was excited after what they believed to be an angel from heaven was found on a beach at Bangaii regency – only to find out the human-like figure they fussed about was a sex toy.

The life-sized inflatable sex doll was found by a 21-year-old fisherman on March 12, 3 days after the solar eclipse that engulfed Indonesia. For many in the world's most populous Muslim-majority country, the solar eclipse was viewed as a spiritual experience, and large numbers flocked to mosques to say special prayers.

Thinking it was an angel, the fisherman took the doll home to his village where it was taken care of like a real human being.

A perfectly honest mistake, and one that will get more common now that sex robots are becoming more and more realistic.

Hmmm...I don't see any halo, but aren't halos optional anyway?

We will need to consult scripture to find out what subtle cues can be used to tell the difference. Off the top of my head, I know that the people of Sodom also confused angels and sex toys, though they did it backwards (both figuratively and literally :barf: )

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Tips and tricks to avoid confusing sex-robots with angels?

God did not bother to mention when He created the angels in Genesis. They just appear later in the chapter. Sinners might call this a plot hole, but simply God does not want to reveal too much about the nature of His messengers. However, the first appearance of an angel is in Genesis 16:7, before the Fall and thus before the curses that lead to the existence of the lesser races. Therefore, we can conclude that the angels look like Jesus, and thus look blonde-haired, blue-eyed, ruggedly masculine, and conservatively dressed, like this:




Here's where the trick comes in. Most sex dolls are created by the slants. The Japs, a race of irradiated, hopelessly depraved mutants, are the chief culprits. Consequently, most sex dolls are yellow-skinned and slanty-eyed. If it looks chinky, it's not an angel, because angels are white.

[mrgrtt123]

Re: Tips and tricks to avoid confusing sex-robots with angels?

The evolution of technology, I wonder why the owner throw that doll away?

[Basilissa]

Re: Tips and tricks to avoid confusing sex-robots with angels?

However, the first appearance of an angel is in Genesis 16:7, before the Fall and thus before the curses that lead to the existence of the lesser races.

Wait, are you trying to tell me that Genesis 16 describes events which happened before Genesis 9 (specifically verses 21-26 when the curse of Canaan begins)? Now I feel like I'm going to have a headache.

The evolution of technology, I wonder why the owner throw that doll away?

Maybe he got a new and improved version, dear.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Tips and tricks to avoid confusing sex-robots with angels?

Wait, are you trying to tell me that Genesis 16 describes events which happened before Genesis 9 (specifically verses 21-26 when the curse of Canaan begins)? Now I feel like I'm going to have a headache.

Sorry, that was a typo. I was interrupted by an irritating motel guest complaining about bedbugs or some other made-up thing to try and get a discount.


Even if God didn't spell it out in the Bible, it's heresy to claim that God would make angels into cursed races. God is perfect (Matthew 5:48). To claim that he would create superpowered coons with the ability to fly is blasphemous, plain and simple. And if that were the case, how come we never hear about angels flying around blaring rap music and doing fly-bys with heavenly machine guns because some other angel gang "dissed" their "crew?" No, I suspect that the myth of winged negroes is just another facet of the "we wuz kangz" mentality of the boogies, a pathetic attempt to co-opt angels just as they have tried and failed to culturally appropriate Cleopatra, Caesar, Beethoven, and Jesus Himself (Exodus 20:15). Anyone who claims angels aren't white hates Jesus and is going to Hell.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Tips and tricks to avoid confusing sex-robots with angels?

the first appearance of an angel is in Genesis 16:7, before the Fall

I find it impossible to see how anything connected with Hagar predates The Fall. She postdates The Flood and The Fall was millennia before The Flood (depending on how you calculate dates) but there's no doubt in Scripture that Abraham and Sarai lived many generations after Eve.

I Corinthians 6:3-4 Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life? If then ye have judgments of things pertaining to this life, set them to judge who are least esteemed in the church.

If humans are to judge angels it's difficult to imagine angels transmogrifying into humans of any caste. Were you educated by hindoos?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Tips and tricks to avoid confusing sex-robots with angels?

The evolution of technology, I wonder why the owner throw that doll away?

OBVIOUSLY the owner saw the glory of our Flat Earth Cruise on the horizon, became a True Christian and discarded his infernal device of onanistic sperm-murder.

On a more less optimistic note, maybe God sent a storm, and the doll was thrown overboard because God wanted to feed a big fish, and Jonah didn't want to get swallowed again: Jonah 1:11-12

[handmaiden]

Re: Tips and tricks to avoid confusing sex-robots with angels?

Did God give His Angel helpers no-no parts? Since sex dolls are built specifically to have a human (or sub-human, in the case of women) shape surrounding a no-no part, it would seem to be a simple test for separating the wheat from the chaff, so to speak.

If a human-shaped form has no-no parts, it is not an angel. If it has no no-no parts, it is an angel. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy, don't you think?

Of course, it does make me wonder why Lot would have gone to such great lengths to protect his Angel visitors from homosexual rape if they didn't have any no-no parts to violate in the first place.

I must admit that I have an unfortunate tendency to feel for Lot's virgin daughters when they heard their papa offer to throw them out the door to be gang raped by an entire city in exchange for not sodomizing his dinner guests. However, whenever I start to question one of God's special select spokesmen, I immediately proceed to my prayer closet.

No matter what it takes as I seek answers from on high--whether I think about the horrible fate awaiting the unsaved or consider how much pain Jesus suffered to make sure that I didn't have to be burned alive for eternity after I die-- my mind always settles on the fact that God is good and all knowing and that He has spared me from unspeakable pain. Then, I realize that there is really no point in questioning His judgment on anything.

He has taken care of all my most important concerns, and if I keep my thoughts on that, nothing else really matters.

[Basilissa]

Re: Tips and tricks to avoid confusing sex-robots with angels?

Did God give His Angel helpers no-no parts?

That is a very good question and it really depends on how you interpret this verse:

Genesis 6:4 There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.

Who were the sons of God who were having giant babies with daughters of men? If they were angels, then yes, angels do possess no-no parts.

Interestingly enough, this is not the only verse where the Nephilim (הַנְּפִלִ֞ים) are mentioned. While there is no mention of giants being saved on Noah's Ark, it seems that some of them were tall enough to survive the Flood by just standing up, as we meet them again long after the Flood:

Numbers 12:33 And there we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, which come of the giants: and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight.

Deuteronomy 3:11 For only Og king of Bashan remained of the remnant of giants; behold his bedstead was a bedstead of iron; is it not in Rabbath of the children of Ammon? nine cubits was the length thereof, and four cubits the breadth of it, after the cubit of a man.

[Dana723]

Re: Tips and tricks to avoid confusing sex-robots with angels?

Did God give His Angel helpers no-no parts? Since sex dolls are built specifically to have a human (or sub-human, in the case of women) shape surrounding a no-no part, it would seem to be a simple test for separating the wheat from the chaff, so to speak.

I watched a documentary one time about angels, and they actually showed a picture of one. No no-no parts that I could see.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Tips and tricks to avoid confusing sex-robots with angels?

I watched a documentary one time about angels, and they actually showed a picture of one. No no-no parts that I could see.

God hates Alan Rickman. That's why He sent him to Hell exactly three years ago for endorsing and practicing witchcraft in the Harry Potter films.

[Dana723]

Re: Tips and tricks to avoid confusing sex-robots with angels?

God hates Alan Rickman. That's why He sent him to Hell exactly three years ago for endorsing and practicing witchcraft in the Harry Potter films.

You mean that wasn't a documentary?!?!?!

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Tips and tricks to avoid confusing sex-robots with angels?

Witchcraft is always condemned in The Bible but still the wiccans claim theirs is just "another way of knowing" God. Some of them even pray to angels before the orgy, or even during for all I know. It's not just chance that prevented you from being deceived by wiccans, it's because God chose you.

a simple test for separating the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. If a human-shaped form has no-no parts, it is not an angel. If it has no no-no parts, it is an angel.

Matthew 22:29-30 Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.

I'm sure I don't need to point out that Jesus did not say we turn into angels but become like angels.

I Corinthians 11:8-10 22:29-30 The man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Tips and tricks to avoid confusing sex-robots with angels?

I just realized: this is what Brother Trump was doing when he was going into Miss Teen USA change rooms and grabbing them by the p*ssy.

He was testing to see if the were angels or sex-robots (both disqualifications in Miss Teen USA).

See, with with Asian-built sex-dolls, poking it with a Q-tip will make it squeal like a piglet. With western-built models, touching it makes it roll its eyes up into its head while it screams and swears like a sailor for half an hour straight.

With angels, probably there would be swords of fire involved, and who knows what if it's a fallen angel! That shows how brave brother Trump is to "go where no man has gone before", into the changeroom of vile darkness, do his job. No wonder he says partying and grabbing women in nightclubs was his "personal Vietnam".