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The True Christian Travel Index: How to Avoid Anal Rape during your Holidays!
The LGBT community, better known as the sodomites, is constantly searching for new victims to violate. The most burning questions of all True Christians™ when planning their holidays is how to avoid this rectal rampaging and emerge from your well-earned vacation unscathed. Prayer is obviously the most obvious solution, but God will help those of us who do not engage in risky behavior.
Proverbs 28:26
He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered.
Travel wisely! Easy to say, but to do so, we need data. Obviously, the Bible is a perfect source but sometimes it is prudent to look into eyewitness testimony to supplement Jesus. We need a True Christian™ Safety Index for all countries. And there isn't one! Gosh! What to do!
The solution: We work by exclusion. We look at the countries that are the most LGBT-friendly and turn the tables upside down (just as Jesus did in the Temple in Matthew 21:12). And, lo, there is an LGBT Travel Index that we can use! We can see where Jesus's enemies spend their holidays and avoid those God-forsaken places! Glory!
Luke 1:74
That he would grant unto us, that we being delivered out of the hand of our enemies might serve him without fear,
Here are the most LGBT-friendly, i.e., for the True-Christian™ the most dangerous countries to visit:
These are the countries that everyone should avoid. To visit them would mean automatic anal rape of all heterosexual, meat-eating, heavily persecuted Christian men, that is, the whole male population of the True Christian™ community susceptible to anal rape. The inhabitants of these countries spend most of their time contemplating anal rape interspaced by frantic activities of actual anal rape. Which countries should we visit then, you might ask?! Obviously, we should go to the places where the LGBT pink money does not flow. The best and safest places to visit are as follows:
Chechnya, Somalia, Saudi Arabia, Iran and Yemen are the travel destinations of choice if you wish to avoid rectal rape!. But... there is a caveat:
Even in the relative safety of Zambia, Russia, Malesia or Uganda, there may be hotels that are dens of depravity with occasional anal rape surprising the gullible True Christian™ visitor. It is thus still best to check in advance that the resort is True Christian™ friendly, that is, anti-LGBT. But I dare say that your holidays in Turkmenistan or Sudan will be totally safe if you supplement your pre-travel studies with some actual Prayer.
This season the empty and pristine beaches of Somalia expect your money. THIS is what you can get away from the sodomistic swarm:
This is what you get in Sweden:
For the True Christian™ holidaymaker, the choice is easy! Praise Jesus!
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
Proverbs 28:26
He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered.
Travel wisely! Easy to say, but to do so, we need data. Obviously, the Bible is a perfect source but sometimes it is prudent to look into eyewitness testimony to supplement Jesus. We need a True Christian™ Safety Index for all countries. And there isn't one! Gosh! What to do!
The solution: We work by exclusion. We look at the countries that are the most LGBT-friendly and turn the tables upside down (just as Jesus did in the Temple in Matthew 21:12). And, lo, there is an LGBT Travel Index that we can use! We can see where Jesus's enemies spend their holidays and avoid those God-forsaken places! Glory!
Luke 1:74
That he would grant unto us, that we being delivered out of the hand of our enemies might serve him without fear,
Here are the most LGBT-friendly, i.e., for the True-Christian™ the most dangerous countries to visit:
These are the countries that everyone should avoid. To visit them would mean automatic anal rape of all heterosexual, meat-eating, heavily persecuted Christian men, that is, the whole male population of the True Christian™ community susceptible to anal rape. The inhabitants of these countries spend most of their time contemplating anal rape interspaced by frantic activities of actual anal rape. Which countries should we visit then, you might ask?! Obviously, we should go to the places where the LGBT pink money does not flow. The best and safest places to visit are as follows:
Chechnya, Somalia, Saudi Arabia, Iran and Yemen are the travel destinations of choice if you wish to avoid rectal rape!. But... there is a caveat:
Negative LGBT laws may not reflect tourist areas. Remember that just because a country’s government may have negative LGBT policies, doesn’t mean it isn’t a great gay holiday destination. The Maldives, for example, has laws in place for locals, but during our visit to the Four Seasons Maldives, the majority of the guests at the resort were gay couples. Research hotel and resort brands before you book.
This season the empty and pristine beaches of Somalia expect your money. THIS is what you can get away from the sodomistic swarm:
This is what you get in Sweden:
For the True Christian™ holidaymaker, the choice is easy! Praise Jesus!
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
But that was before Trump, now it doesn't matter how many planes go missing, they just talk bad things about the Best President America Ever Had. 
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