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  • HTannor
    America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
    True Christian™
    • Jun 2009
    • 2612

    #1

    A worthwhile proposition

    I received this letter only yesterday and have decided to share it with my Brothers and Sisters in the Landover community to see how you feel about this. Please read the letter and my comments immediately below.


    FROM THE DESK OF
    REVEREND TO-BOOGY N. TANGO
    VICTORIA ISLAND,
    LAGOS-NIGERIA.


    DEAREST HTANNOR,

    May this letter find you in good health and living under our Lord’s Blessings.

    My name is Reverend To-Boogy N. Tango. Please to understand that is not my reel name. My given name is Reginald Hyde-White-Whipple. When I was cent to Nigeria as a Christian Missionary to save the heathens I was told to take a African name to establish kredibility with the darkies. In this and all future writings, please use my African name.

    I am writing in respect of a foreign member of our flock. Mr. JONATHAN GHUNIAM perished in an auto-crash in Mugubu, 12345 February, 2006 (I’m sorry, I was using the tribal calendar)

    Since the demise of Mr. Ghuniam, I personally has watched with keen interest to see the next of kin but all has proved abortive as no one has come to claim his funds of US$9.5m (Nine Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars), which has been deposited in our Mission Trust Fund for a very long time.

    On this note, I decided to seek for whom his name shall be used as the next of kin as no one has come up to be the next of kin. The Mission Trust Fund here does not allow such money to stay more than four years, because money will be recalled to the Mission Home Office as unclaimed after this period. In view of this, I decided to seek through internet whom to confine in for this transaction. I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased.

    So that the proceeds of this account valued at $9.5 million dollars can be paid to your account for sharing. 65% to me and 30% to you, while 5% should be for reimbursement of incidental expenses that may be incured during the transaction or tax as your government may require.

    I will not fail to bring to your notice that this business is hitch free safe and legal. we have to hire an attorney who will protect you legally, and for benefit of doubt position you as the next of kin and beneficiary. that you should not entertain any fear as all modalities for fund transfer can be finalized as soon as possible.

    When you receive this letter, kindly send me an e-mail on this mail box including your most confidential telephone/fax numbers and your address for quick communication.

    Your Friend in God
    REVEREND TO-BOOGY N. TANGO


    After carefully analyzing the letter, it is my considered opinion that the offer is genuine and I feel like accepting the proposition.


    My thinking is in no way one of avarice, rather, I am thinking of using my 30% (approximately 2.85 million dollars) to purchase Good Books (KJV) to distribute back to the Negroid unwashed masses being served by the good Reverend Tango.


    Purchased in bulk, I found prices around five dollars per copy so 2.85M would be a very large purchase and by Jewing them down, they may even throw in free shipping.


    So I’ve arrived at this point: What’s not to like about the offer?
    The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

    "Credo elvem etiam vivere"
  • Ezekiel Bathfire
    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
    Christ's Rottweiler
     
    • Jan 2008
    • 22895

    #2
    Re: A worthwhile porposition

    I think that this is a wonderful offer on so many levels. I would waste no time taking it up. I suggest that as well as the requested details, you also include your bank account details and as much personal information as possible.

    The offer that the reverend is making, is clearly going to involve some expenses on his part, so a $5000 up-front payment will help him tremendously.

    Your idea of buying bibles is excellent - remember how a rich man will have difficulty reaching the Kingdom of Heaven? Remember how moth and rust corrupt earthly fortunes? How the poor are always with us?

    (OK, I think this will get this idiot poster off our and God's back...)
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

    Comment

    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78556

      #3
      Re: A worthwhile porposition

      I got that same email. Here was my reply:

      Dear Reverend Spearchucker.

      Thank you for writing me today to admit your disgusting greed. I am sorry to tell you that Nigerians, commonly known as 'niggers', do not go to heaven. They are recycled to make tires and pave roads for white people.

      Landover Baptist is the wealthiest church in the world. We are so rich we don't even use black paint. If you are trying to find an accomplice for your crooked deals, please call the Vatican. Do it soon before you die of the AIDS.

      God hates you and so do we.

      YIC,

      --Pastor Ezekiel
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

      Comment

      • Miss April
        Landover's Version of Carrie Prejean
        Forum Member
        • Apr 2009
        • 685

        #4
        Re: A worthwhile porposition

        That Seems like Such a Great offer You should Take it up right away And I love your Ideas About the Bibles Its a Wonderful Thing to Do

        Comment

        • HTannor
          America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
          True Christian™
          • Jun 2009
          • 2612

          #5
          Re: A worthwhile porposition

          Thank you Brothers, and you too, Sister.

          (A side note to our Sister: Have you ever appeared in a magazine of some kind? I'm sure I have it somewhere in my library. And i'm equally sure it was an April edition.)

          Your wise counsel has given me much to consider.

          I think I must now repair to my study and engage in prayerful contemplation. Perhaps I'll reread some old magazines for inspiration.
          The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

          "Credo elvem etiam vivere"

          Comment

          • cjohnnson
            Confirmed Enemy of God
            • Jun 2009
            • 18

            #6
            Re: A worthwhile porposition

            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
            I got that same email. Here was my reply:

            Dear Reverend Spearchucker.

            Thank you for writing me today to admit your disgusting greed. I am sorry to tell you that Nigerians, commonly known as 'niggers', do not go to heaven. They are recycled to make tires and pave roads for white people.

            Landover Baptist is the wealthiest church in the world. We are so rich we don't even use black paint. If you are trying to find an accomplice for your crooked deals, please call the Vatican. Do it soon before you die of the AIDS.

            God hates you and so do we.

            YIC,

            --Pastor Ezekiel
            One word...
            Racist

            Comment

            • Miss April
              Landover's Version of Carrie Prejean
              Forum Member
              • Apr 2009
              • 685

              #7
              Re: A worthwhile porposition

              Originally posted by cjohnnson View Post
              One word...
              Racist
              How is Pastor Ezekiel being racist? Its only the Truth Troll I hope you see The light before its to Late

              Comment

              • Tertius The Scribe
                True Christian™
                True Christian™
                • May 2009
                • 452

                #8
                Re: A worthwhile porposition

                Originally posted by cjohnnson View Post
                One word...
                Racist
                Wow! That's the best formulated attack levied against Pastor Ezekiel ever! It wasn't ad hominem at all!



                Go back to playing your Gay Cleft Mono: Man Klanracists, you uppity racist groid.

                Proverbs 23:14- "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."


                All Unsaved Trash: Read this before posting.

                Comment

                • cjohnnson
                  Confirmed Enemy of God
                  • Jun 2009
                  • 18

                  #9
                  Re: A worthwhile porposition

                  Originally posted by Tertius The Scribe View Post
                  Wow! That's the best formulated attack levied against Pastor Ezekiel ever! It wasn't ad hominem at all!



                  Go back to playing your Gay Cleft Mono: Man Klanracists, you uppity racist groid.
                  Tertius you stupid redneck...
                  Gay?
                  Im more manly than any of you stupid christ ****ers who hit in your wives...
                  If someone says that black people are meant to be recycled for white people to make us tyres and whatever thats not racist...
                  I wish that all of you christ *****es die from a very bad hurtful desease...At least this world would become cleaner, right?
                  Ezekiel you stupid ****** stop atacking people and answering with parts of that stupid MAGAZINE King James whatever...
                  Youre the most ******* of them all.
                  And im being this hateful because there´s no use in being calm and smooth because you people dont deserve it.
                  Have a good life *******
                  May your ***** non existent god kill you all.
                  Darwin ftw!
                  kisses April
                  And hugs to everybody else
                  Unsaved trash 4LIFE!!
                  Last edited by Old Man Hatchet; 06-21-2009, 09:13 PM. Reason: Removed obscenities

                  Comment

                  • James Hutchins
                    True Christian™
                    Just a Regular Nice Guy
                     
                    • Jun 2009
                    • 29453

                    #10
                    Re: A worthwhile porposition

                    Hmmmmmmmm sounds like someone does not have on their happy face today.

                    Do you honestly think using profanity will get your point across better?

                    Just because your parents, dog and God have all rejected you is no reason to be vicious, son.
                    Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                    Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                    Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                    Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                    Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                    Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                    Comment

                    • cjohnnson
                      Confirmed Enemy of God
                      • Jun 2009
                      • 18

                      #11
                      Re: A worthwhile porposition

                      Originally posted by James Hutchins View Post
                      Hmmmmmmmm sounds like someone does not have on their happy face today.

                      Do you honestly think using profanity will get your point across better?

                      Just because your parents, dog and God have all rejected you is no reason to be vicious, son.
                      I should say that to you...
                      My parents love me, my dog and my GIRLFRIEND also and they prove it to me eveyday.
                      I´m a really happy person

                      Comment

                      • Ezekiel Bathfire
                        Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                        Christ's Rottweiler
                         
                        • Jan 2008
                        • 22895

                        #12
                        Re: A worthwhile porposition

                        Originally posted by cjohnnson View Post
                        [...]My parents love me, my dog and my GIRLFRIEND also and they prove it to me eveyday.
                        I´m a really happy person
                        I bet they say that just so you don't turn nasty.
                        sigpic


                        “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                        Author of such illuminating essays as,
                        Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                        Comment

                        • cjohnnson
                          Confirmed Enemy of God
                          • Jun 2009
                          • 18

                          #13
                          Re: A worthwhile porposition

                          Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                          I bet they say that just so you don't turn nasty.
                          Nah, not really...
                          I don´t live a lie like you people d.

                          Comment

                          • Get Thee Hence!
                            Forum Member
                            Forum Member
                            • Feb 2008
                            • 137

                            #14
                            Re: A worthwhile porposition

                            Originally posted by cjohnnson View Post
                            christ suckers
                            Can you tell me where I can purchase some of those, or should I just DIY?

                            I checked the Landover catalog, but can't seem to find them.

                            I'm prepared to make a bulk order.

                            Thanks Joh.

                            Comment

                            • cjohnnson
                              Confirmed Enemy of God
                              • Jun 2009
                              • 18

                              #15
                              Re: A worthwhile porposition

                              Originally posted by Get Thee Hence! View Post
                              Can you tell me where I can purchase some of those, or should I just DIY?

                              I checked the Landover catalog, but can't seem to find them.

                              I'm prepared to make a bulk order.

                              Thanks Joh.
                              I´ll make those for you

                              Comment

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