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  • Ezekiel Bathfire
    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
    Christ's Rottweiler
     
    • Jan 2008
    • 22869
    #1

    Landover's Advice for Newly-wedded Ladies

    Now Patience Lovecraft came to the church the other day, she was after the Rev. Jim but he was away in Los Angeles with the Chevrolette twins, Rita and Modesty, who are on his "Free Bible Study" course, so I did my best to help.

    Miss Lovecraft was wondering about what happens when it gets dark and she and her husband will retire to the marital chamber. Well, I told her all about "it" by pushing a brush into a jar and I think she got the message, although she did look puzzled in some parts.

    She was obviously embarrassed, so I went to my filing cabinet and produced a leaflet to help her. The only one I could find was one for the Godless Brits but it's good enough.

    Click image for larger version Name: Wifely Duties.jpg Views: 1 Size: 112.2 KB ID: 1928500

    I hope it helps other young ladies who have been given away in matrimony.
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
    Tags: bible study, leaflet, newly wed
    • Levi Jones
      Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics
      Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood
      Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
       
      • Jul 2009
      • 13930
      #2
      Re: Landover's Advice for Newly-wedded Ladies

      Godly advice, Pastor.

      I would like to get these printed up for pre-marriage counseling for weddings I preside over.
      Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.

        Comment

        • Daisy Mae Johnson
          The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
          Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
          aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 15708
          #3
          Re: Landover's Advice for Newly-wedded Ladies

          Wonderful article indeed Brother! 5 Stars!

          I do have one suggestion however. Should she really set an alarm to wake her early? Won't it wake the new Husband as well?

          She should set her cellphone or alarm on vibrate and sleep with it in the pocket her apron so she does not disturb her husband as she gets up to make him a hearty breakfast.
          sigpic

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            Comment

            • Felicity
              As pure and virginal as the driven snow.
              True Christian™
              • Apr 2010
              • 4834
              #4
              Re: Landover's Advice for Newly-wedded Ladies

              @Ezekiel Bathfire Thank you! I will keep this for when my father selects a husband for me. #Ephesians 5:25-31
              I Jesus!

                Comment

                • Ezekiel Bathfire
                  Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                  Christ's Rottweiler
                   
                  • Jan 2008
                  • 22869
                  #5
                  Re: Landover's Advice for Newly-wedded Ladies

                  I am gratified at the response and am thinking of distributing it freely. I think that it will be suitable for 14 year old girls, who look as if some man might want to marry them in a few years.

                  Please do not be offended if your own daughter does not get one, I'm sure that she will be a help to you in your old age.
                  sigpic


                  “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                  Author of such illuminating essays as,
                  Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                    Comment

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