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Should I tithe to Landover or Suffolk Baptists?
Dear Friends,
Just the other week, the fourth Mrs Hopkins succumbed to a sudden illness. I found her dead in the hallway, blue in the face and stiff as a board. Even repeated attempts to remove the dressing gown cord from around her neck proved futile, and my friend the doctor pronounced her dead from a freak illness.
Brothers and Sisters, her death was a judgement.
Despite my repeatedbeatings warnings, she sometimes managed to sneak out of the house occasionally, in order to purchase so-called "lottery tickets".
On the very evening of her freakish and unpredictable death, she had purchased a ticket for this gambling event. Naturally, I disciplined her until I could no longer bear the pain of it, although she was clearly in need of more correction, suggested by her labored breathing and sinful groans. The slut.
Well, we sat down to watch the "lottery draw", which involved sinful costumes and downright dirty jokes. My plan was to make her eat the "lottery ticket", once the numbers were drawn, proving to her God's disavowal of such depraved and jooish activities.
Imagine my surprise, when Godly numbers came up. (She had used the numbers of my seven favorite chapters from Deuteronomy). It turns out that my now late wife, had won £96,000,000. I despaired of her sin, and of her jubilant acceptance of satan's wages. How I wept in my agony, friends.
It was shortly after this, while cleaning my white, straight American teeth, that I heard strange noises from the living room. After flossing, I rushed in to find my snag-toothed English wife writhing on the floor in paroxysms, with her dressing gown cord inexplicably knotted around hersaggy neck. The thing that shocked me most was how brown those snaggled teeth were, framing her swollen tongue. Perhaps I am becoming long sighted, because I had not realised the gross decay in that English mouth up until that point.
Anyway, in addition to my savings (approximately £146,000,000), which were the meagre scraps left to me on the death of the third Mrs Hopkins (nee Rothschild), I have been able tobribe successfully negotiate with the appropriate officials in New Orleans.
Brothers and Sisters in Christ, I am free to return to my homeland, and am looking for real estate.
Meanwhile, my annual tithe is due, and in view of my deep affection for Landover Baptist Church, and for all True Christians, I wondered if I should tithe to Landover, or my soon to be ex-church in Godless Suffolk. Please help me, friends!
Also, does anyone know of a good house, in a Truly Christian area, not on the East or West coast, where a simple man might settle down?
YBIC
ps Must be secluded, with plenty of land surrounding, and a woodshed.
Just the other week, the fourth Mrs Hopkins succumbed to a sudden illness. I found her dead in the hallway, blue in the face and stiff as a board. Even repeated attempts to remove the dressing gown cord from around her neck proved futile, and my friend the doctor pronounced her dead from a freak illness.
Brothers and Sisters, her death was a judgement.
Despite my repeated
On the very evening of her freakish and unpredictable death, she had purchased a ticket for this gambling event. Naturally, I disciplined her until I could no longer bear the pain of it, although she was clearly in need of more correction, suggested by her labored breathing and sinful groans. The slut.
Well, we sat down to watch the "lottery draw", which involved sinful costumes and downright dirty jokes. My plan was to make her eat the "lottery ticket", once the numbers were drawn, proving to her God's disavowal of such depraved and jooish activities.
Imagine my surprise, when Godly numbers came up. (She had used the numbers of my seven favorite chapters from Deuteronomy). It turns out that my now late wife, had won £96,000,000. I despaired of her sin, and of her jubilant acceptance of satan's wages. How I wept in my agony, friends.
It was shortly after this, while cleaning my white, straight American teeth, that I heard strange noises from the living room. After flossing, I rushed in to find my snag-toothed English wife writhing on the floor in paroxysms, with her dressing gown cord inexplicably knotted around her
Anyway, in addition to my savings (approximately £146,000,000), which were the meagre scraps left to me on the death of the third Mrs Hopkins (nee Rothschild), I have been able to
Brothers and Sisters in Christ, I am free to return to my homeland, and am looking for real estate.
Meanwhile, my annual tithe is due, and in view of my deep affection for Landover Baptist Church, and for all True Christians, I wondered if I should tithe to Landover, or my soon to be ex-church in Godless Suffolk. Please help me, friends!
Also, does anyone know of a good house, in a Truly Christian area, not on the East or West coast, where a simple man might settle down?
YBIC
ps Must be secluded, with plenty of land surrounding, and a woodshed.
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