[Witch Hammer]

Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?

Do I have any experience raising the dead? Only each time I have to force my wife up off her fat, lazy ass to fetch me a beer!!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?

I know a joo who made a gollum once. It was pretty gross.

[WWJDnow]

Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?

I know a joo who made a gollum once. It was pretty gross.

I'm not sure that it's a good idea to keep this posted on the Internet. Do you have any idea how hard it is to stop a golem once a Jew creates one? (Of course YOU do, Pastor Ezekiel, but I mean everyone else reading this!) Sure, a couple of crack divisions of United States Marines supported by F-16s can hold one off for a while, but the only thing that will really put a golem down is a prayer from a True Christian™--and it had better be a darned good prayer. How does everyone think Israel keeps whipping Arab a$$ in all of their wars? It's a combination of golems and financing from Goldman, Sachs.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?

Well, I am rather pleased to be back from Philadelphia after attending the conference on “The Historicized And Mythologized Naiveté Of 19th Century Nationalist Accounts Of The Christian View Of Multiculturalism In Ottoman Cyprus.” The main speaker, Dr Evangelou Papadopoulos, lost me from the start with his impenetrable accent, monotone voice and PowerPoint presentation that was entirely upside down. Basically, it seems that the Cypriots were lax and liberal and didn’t give a damn who or what you worshiped as long as there was cheap wine. This is no way to run a country so it’s small wonder that God saw fit to divide their Island in the 20th century.

However, this is not the point. It seems that some True Christian was there too and an attempt at resurrection was made:

Gurney with Dead Body Falls Out of Coroner's Van

Drivers traveling on a busy Lower Southampton road Friday had to navigate an unusual obstruction -- a gurney carrying a corpse.

The rear door of a van carrying the deceased person malfunctioned as the vehicle was traveling along the 100 block of East Street Road near the Bucks Crossing Shopping Center around noon, according to the Bucks County Coroner's Office.

A photo from the scene shows the dead body covered with a sheet sitting in the middle of the street as cars passed.

County officials say the coroner employee driving the van realized what had occurred immediately and circled back to the scene.

A bystander helped the driver remove the body from the road, according to LevittownNow.Com.

Read more: http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/...#ixzz37KkKTcgp

I do not know how many times Pastor Zeke and I have told people that resurrecting the dead is not something to be entered into lightly. Even Jesus only did it when the relatives were very upset, and I don’t mean “just normally upset”. I mean upset as when the will of the deceased is unclear or he forgot to tell them where the keys to his car were, etc.

If we look at the case above, we can see immediately what has happened:

1. Jesus dies temporarily –> some guy in hospital dies
2. Jesus is taken to the tomb –> some guy is taken to the morgue
3. Jesus is placed in a tomb –> some guy is placed in an ambulance
4. The rock on the tomb is rolled away –> the doors of the ambulance are cast open with a great castance.
5. Jesus exits the tomb – gurney and body exit onto the freeway.

Now I would say that resurrecting a moving body is not as simple as you may think. Whereas with a stationary body you can concentrate your faith on the body and on Jesus, if the body’s doing a steady 30mph, this is not so easy and that delicate step of the rolling aside of the [metaphorical] rock and the exit of the “resurrectee” has to be handled carefully.

I suspect that the True Christian involved is no longer a member of Landover, perhaps it was someone like Rev. Rodimer, but whatever the case, Landover now demands that anyone wishing to resurrect a body, or attempt same, obtain a permit from Pastor Zeke or myself.

[Pim Pendergast]

Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?

This is what happens if you don't have enough faith.

A CANADIAN family has admitted to leaving the dead body of a man upstairs for six months, believing their prayers would resurrect him.

It has been revealed that Kaling Wald left her husband Peter to rot in an upstairs bedroom, truly expecting that their faith in God would make him rise from the dead.

Mrs Wald, 50, has pleaded guilty to failing to notify authorities that her husband had died due to a sickness that was not being treated by a doctor, The Hamilton Spectator reports.

Assistant crown attorney Janet Booy argued that Mrs Wald had no ill intent, but rather her belief in God had “tainted and warped her better judgment”.

“We were trusting God … we thought, ‘OK Lord, you know better’,” Mrs Wald told The Spectator outside court yesterday.

Mr Wald died about March 20 after contracting a foot infection as a result of his diabetes. He refused to see a doctor because he believed God would cure him.

He fell into a coma, his stomach began to bloat and his forehead started to show signs of rigor mortis.

Mrs Wald covered the body with two blankets, put a beanie on his head, padlocked the bedroom door and sealed the door and vents to mask the smell of the decomposing body.

The corpse was found six months later. It was so rotten that it had attracted rodents and was unable to be identified.

However, the prosecutor acknowledged that Mrs Wald had no criminal intent.
“It’s an extremely sad case … she truly believed her husband was going to be resurrected from the dead, even after six months,” Ms Booy said.

Mrs Wald received a suspended sentence, was put on 18 months’ probation and was ordered to seek counselling.

“This is not about your religious beliefs. It is about your safety, the safety of your children and the safety of the community at large,” Superior Court Justice Marjoh Agro told Mrs Wald.

Mrs Wald lived in the house with five of their six children, aged 11 to 22, and seven other adult friends. The family was known for spreading its religious beliefs throughout the area.

“It was unusual, yes. It was certainly not normal,” Mrs Wald told The Hamilton Spectator. “And we won’t do that again … laws exist and we know that now.”

This is the first case of its kind known of in Canada.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?

Mrs Wald lived in the house with five of their six children, aged 11 to 22, and seven other adult friends.

“It was unusual, yes. It was certainly not normal,” Mrs Wald told The Hamilton Spectator. “And we won’t do that again … laws exist and we know that now.”

What concerns me is the message these children will get now. The message that God is trustworthy and is faithful to do what He says (Psalm 100:5; Romans 8:28; 1 Corinthians 1:9; 1 Thessalonians 5:24) has been undermined by the message that says faith is ultimately not compatible with life in a secular land.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?

This is what happens if you don't have enough faith.

A CANADIAN family has admitted to leaving the dead body of a man upstairs for six months, believing their prayers would resurrect him.

It has been revealed that Kaling Wald left her husband Peter to rot in an upstairs bedroom, truly expecting that their faith in God would make him rise from the dead.

Mrs Wald lived in the house with five of their six children, aged 11 to 22, and seven other adult friends. The family was known for spreading its religious beliefs throughout the area.

“It was unusual, yes. It was certainly not normal,” Mrs Wald told The Hamilton Spectator. “And we won’t do that again … laws exist and we know that now.”

The message I take away here is that Jesus railed against false prophets and was completely correct as usual: The law is there to protect us against false prophets.

I'm glad to say that Landover has never had any trouble with the law at all and that is entirely down to the members and congregation being True Christians(tm) and not followers of some deluded maniac or worse still, a woman.

[WWJDnow]

Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?

When you pray, sometimes God answers "yes," sometimes God answers "no," and sometimes God's answer is "wait." I think this was probably a "wait" case. Six months doesn't give the Almighty a lot of time to arrange a resurrection. Next time, she should invest in some rat traps.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?

What gets me is this:

Mrs Wald covered the body with two blankets, put a beanie on his head, padlocked the bedroom door and sealed the door and vents

Now, he may well have been resurrected, but if he was, he was locked in that room and couldn't get out, so he would have starved and died a second time.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?

Before I got saved, I allowed some goth girls I was hoping to have sex with to get me involved in some necromancy, but I haven't had any contact with the dead since becoming a Christian.

[Pim Pendergast]

Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?

True story. God still works miracles through His faithful servants. Praise Jesus!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?

True story. God still works miracles through His faithful servants. Praise Jesus!

There is no argument here. God brings people back to life when the proper prayer is sent to Him. The same that happened several times in the Bible happened in this video.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?

I was married a very long time, does that count?


But seriously, I've never heard of anyone legitimately rising the dead other than God. Sure, I've (as I am sure all of us open minded people) have heard utterly ridiculous stories of Voodoo nigras from Mississippi making a cauldron of pigs blood, frogs legs and the hair from a elderly woman's rectum as some sort of magic potion.


Truthfully, no rational man would ever fall for some cockamamie story about magical powers.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?

What gets me is this:

Now, he may well have been resurrected, but if he was, he was locked in that room and couldn't get out, so he would have starved and died a second time.

I heard about some guy with a cat that did it, though I passed it off to a wild eyed story. He was a ruskie or something. He used to carry it around in a box and pretend it was alive, I think. But the smell gave it away. Trust me.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Does Anyone Have Experience with Raising the Dead?

I heard about some guy with a cat that did it, though I passed it off to a wild eyed story. He was a ruskie or something. He used to carry it around in a box and pretend it was alive, I think. But the smell gave it away. Trust me.

They'll try anything, maybe it's a hit or maybe a miss but until you look in the box you'd never know.

Stunts like this don't work with Christians; we know that only dead people go to morgues and so when that doctor ordered up a jolt to the heart it really was a cadaver revived by God. Perhaps the skin tone was altered a little, the report doesn't say, but nothing alive ever winds up in a morgue. Or a tomb, in days gone by.