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  • How STD's Can Be a Blessing

    If you're perusing the singles forum, chances are you're out there seeking love and companionship or perhaps just someone to cook and clean and bear children for Jesus.

    I would like to share an inspiring story of how one man here in New York City found his forever helpmeet.

    Howard Carlis was an angry, heartless creature. When I met him he was 42 and worked in the mailroom, pushing carts of mail to the 30 floors of the office tower where we worked until I was unjustly fired by a heathen boss who thought my loud Christian music, pictures of Jesus, and the cross that I placed on my desktop monitor was infringing on the religious liberties of the rest of the office - especially that loud mouthed secretary who used to complain about my prayers and singing praises to Jesus. But I digress.

    I witnessed to Howard about Christ many times, but he just wouldn't listen. Well, one day Howard left work and stopped at a pub down the block. He drank Dewars and Coke until he could barely stand up (according to him) and then he looked across the room to see - her.

    She was barely 5 feet tall, weighed 80 pounds, had terrible acne, and was missing teeth from years of abusing methamphetamine. Howard was mesmerized by her scratchy voice. He told me later that something about her voice reminded him of his mother, who was tragically killed in a freak accident involving a skewer and some tootsie rolls (long story). The woman's name was Totie and she told Howard she used to be an exotic dancer but that drugs had stolen her career and now she was a simple prostitute. He asked her how much, and they agreed on a price.

    Fast forward two weeks and Howard found himself standing in front of a doctor, hearing the diagnosis of gonorrhea. As he walked out of the office, prescription in hand, he looked across the hall into the waiting room and there she was: Totie, smiling that half-smile (because she only had half her teeth) and looking like an angel. He had to go to her. "You gave me the clap," he said, his voice husky with emotion. Totie could only nod.

    His voice husky with emotion, Howard said, "You should pay for this prescription, you know." Totie could only nod. He went on, his voice husky with emotion: "My body cries out with pain whenever I have to use the restroom. I am at my wit's end. Why did you have to be such a temptress, you sultry vixen?"

    Totie could only nod.

    Another person in the waiting room heard the conversation and said, "I don't think she can hear you. She just shot up moments ago. That's why she's nodding all the time."

    Howard left, and went home to his 300 sq. ft studio in Alphabet City. He picked up a gun and put it to his forehead. That's when the phone rang - a payphone down the hall. He rushed to get it, clad only in his wrinkly boxer shorts. When he said hello, all he heard was a voice saying "Trust in Jesus. Trust in Jesus."

    Howard told me that was when he knew what he had to do. He went back to his studio, put the gun away, fixed a sardine sandwich, took his medication, drank some Diet Dr. Pepper - left over from yesterday - and fell asleep. He dreamed about Totie - but something was different. In his dream, she had wings. She glowed like the warm glow of a candle when it is glowing. She spoke to him: "Trust in Jesus. Trust in Jesus." What happened the next day will amaze you.

    He went to the pub, hoping to find Totie, but she wasn't there. He looked in all the familiar places - all the places he knew she might be. The alley behind the pub where she had given him the clap. The old 82 Buick where she often slept. The back of the St. Elizabeth Seton Home for Women - long closed due to fire code violations. She was nowhere. Later that day, after work, he returned to the pub where the bartender was talking about someone dying unexpectedly.

    "She was a good woman, even if she had no teeth," he heard the bartender mutter, his voice husky with emotion.

    Totie. It had to be Totie. "Is it - Totie?" He asked, his voice husky with emotion. "No - it's my sister. She died last night after CSI Miami." He didn't even know there was a CSI Miami. But at least it wasn't - and then he saw her. This time, she wasn't just glowing, she was radiant.

    "I found Jesus!" she exclaimed. "Let me tell you of Him."

    Fast forward a month. They are now husband and wife, and Howard is a born again Christian. Totie backslid and is still a prostitute, but had it not been for her having an STD, Howard might never have found Christ as Savior. I am sure you can only nod.

    PRAISE GOD! There is hope for everyone. Never give up on God. Perhaps He is leading YOU to find someone like Totie. Probably not - but accept His will for your life - that special someone is out there, waiting for YOU. Glory!
    Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
    “The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

    Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
    Amen and Amen

  • #2
    Re: How STD's Can Be a Blessing

    Thank you, Brother Larry, for this beautiful story. God truly works in mysterious ways, and the price of gonorrhea is such a small price to pay for an eternal reward in Heaven.

    Praise for blessing Howard with an STD!
    God created fossils to test our faith.

    * * *

    My favorite LBC sermons:
    True Christians are Perfect!
    True Christian™ Love.
    Salvation™ made Easy!
    You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
    Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
    Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
    Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
    Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
    The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
    Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
    God HATES Rational Thinking!
    True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.


    • #3
      Re: How STD's Can Be a Blessing

      Wow, praise the Lord for bringing Howard to Jesus! May he be like Hosea and bring his slutty wife across his knees for a spanking and may she then go back to being a proper, Christian woman.
      "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1