[James Dewitt]

Re: LOL ( Ladies of Landover)

You keep praying on that, Brother! No matter how long it takes, or how old you may be before that perky little 18 year old comes your way, don't lose your firm faith. Remember, with God, (and Viagra ) all things are possible.


Encouragingly Yours,

Handmaiden

Say Hanmaiden you are a God Fearing American aren't you? I could make an adjustment in my age policy. Are you still of child bearing capabilities? PM a recent photo. possibly?

[handmaiden]

Re: LOL ( Ladies of Landover)

Say Hanmaiden you are a God Fearing American aren't you? I could make an adjustment in my age policy. Are you still of child bearing capabilities? PM a recent photo. possibly?

Such a flattering offer, Brother. However, as I have iterated and reiterated on different sub-forums to the chagrin of some of the brothers, while I am technically of child-bearing age, the shelf-life of the eggs is in question.

You deserve a fine, fertile female. I would have to lose all the weight that I've gained in the past year since my mother's death (seriously, it has been a rough year ) and start coloring my hair again ( which costs a fortune ) before I could hope to attract a True Christian Catch like you.

Alas, I am only good for one thing at this advanced and final stage of my life -- shaking my head and tsk tsking over all the follies of the young around me and giving thanks that I will be long dead before they are running the world.

If I come across any likely candidates I will let you know.


Supportively Yours,

Handmaiden

p.s. Besides, I am Italian, and you've been there and done that.

[James Dewitt]

Re: LOL ( Ladies of Landover)

=handmaiden;528552]

Such a flattering offer, Brother. However, as I have iterated and reiterated on different sub-forums to the chagrin of some of the brothers, while I am technically of child-bearing age, the shelf-life of the eggs is in question.

You do sound like a good Christian woman, rare very rare theses days.

You deserve a fine, fertile female. I would have to lose all the weight that I've gained in the past year since my mother's death (seriously, it has been a rough year ) and start coloring my hair again ( which costs a fortune ) before I could hope to attract a True Christian Catch like you.

I could possible wait, if the out come is pleasant.

Alas, I am only good for one thing at this advanced and final stage of my life -- shaking my head and tsk tsking over all the follies of the young around me and giving thanks that I will be long dead before they are running the world.

Nonsense you are still a wonderful Christian, spreading the Word of God. Ya know mentoring young Christian ladies just might be you calling

If I come across any likely candidates I will let you know.


Supportively Yours,

Handmaiden

Such a kind, gentle and caring soul

p.s. Besides, I am Italian, and you've been there and done that.

Cancel the whole thing, no thanks, one dago in my life time is one to many.

[handmaiden]

Re: LOL ( Ladies of Landover)

=handmaiden;528552]

You do sound like a good Christian woman, rare very rare theses days.



I could possible wait, if the out come is pleasant.


Nonsense you are still a wonderful Christian, spreading the Word of God. Ya know mentoring young Christian ladies just might be you calling


Such a kind, gentle and caring soul



Cancel the whole thing, no thanks, one dago in my life time is one to many.

Wait! Not even if I were to undergo de-wop-ification surgery? I could have my vengeful nature removed (this may require significant rewiring of my brain as I am actually Sicilian), we could cut the neuro-trasmitters that move my hands when I speak, and I could bleach the olive out of my complexion.

I could learn to spit at the mere mention of Christopher Columbus' name and give up pasta -- what am I saying?! I wouldn't give up pasta if Dennis Quaid himself showed up with his shirt off and a four carat engagement ring in his hand.

Sorry brother, a leopard cannot change its spots and a wop can't change her greasy hair. (That's where they get the oil in the serving cruets that you see on the tables of Italian restaurants, you know.)

Still, I will pray for your future happiness with a truly worthy blue-eyed blonde with great legs and a fine bosom to nourish your future soldiers for Christ.

Remember, that's what they're for, afterall. Motorboating is NOT Bible-recommended!

Ciao!

Handmaiden

[James Dewitt]

Re: LOL ( Ladies of Landover)

Brothers and Sisters my search has come to an end. I have found her. Sally Anne is 19 years of age, she is from Iowa, a farm girl and the daughter of a Baptist Pastor. The up and coming wedding will be in about 2 months. That is, as long as the main chapel is open and one of our Pastors will be available that day(hint, wink, hint Pastor Zeke).

[Felicity]

Re: LOL ( Ladies of Landover)

@James Dewitt Congratulations! Does she love Jesus as much as you do?

[James Dewitt]

Re: LOL ( Ladies of Landover)

Yes, she most certainly does. Great young lady, won best of pie 2 years running at the county fair. She is used to a big family 10 brothers and sisters.

[handmaiden]

Re: LOL ( Ladies of Landover)

Brother, I am so happy for you! May you be blessed with many sons.

There is one small concern, however. What is she doing wearing her wedding night intimate apparel out in broad daylight in the middle of a field?

Did she allow you to photograph her like that? I think that sort of thing should take place after the wedding in the privacy of the sacred marriage bed. That is when you will want visual documentation of the proceedings.

Congatulatoryly Yours,

Handmaiden

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: LOL ( Ladies of Landover)

James, congratulations!

Did she allow you to photograph her like that? I think that sort of thing should take place after the wedding in the privacy of the sacred marriage bed. That is when you will want visual documentation of the proceedings.

She seems like a properly dressed True Christian™ girl to me.

She does not wear pants: Deuteronomy 22:5 "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God."

Her clothing looks modest, very modest even: 1 Timothy 2:9 "In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array"

She does not seem to have any piercings: Leviticus 19:28 "Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD."

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: LOL ( Ladies of Landover)

Brothers and Sisters my search has come to an end. I have found her. Sally Anne is 19 years of age, she is from Iowa, a farm girl and the daughter of a Baptist Pastor. The up and coming wedding will be in about 2 months. That is, as long as the main chapel is open and one of our Pastors will be available that day(hint, wink, hint Pastor Zeke).

I'm booked out for the next year and a half for weddings.


Unless you intend to become a Platinum Tither. In that case I'm free next week.

[Levi Jones]

Re: LOL ( Ladies of Landover)

Brothers and Sisters my search has come to an end. I have found her. Sally Anne is 19 years of age, she is from Iowa, a farm girl and the daughter of a Baptist Pastor. The up and coming wedding will be in about 2 months. That is, as long as the main chapel is open and one of our Pastors will be available that day(hint, wink, hint Pastor Zeke).

Congratulations, Brother D. I know Felicity and I are hoping for 1st or 2nd row seats. My wife can sit in the back.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: LOL ( Ladies of Landover)

I am so happy for you Brother Dewitt!

Big family, pie prize winner, young and fertile. Although I agree with Sister Handmaiden that perhaps her skirt needs a few more inches on the hem.

Ah well, she still looks young enough to be moulded into the perfect wife

[handmaiden]

Re: LOL ( Ladies of Landover)

James, congratulations!

She seems like a properly dressed True Christian™ girl to me.

Oh, yeah? Well, if she's dressed like a True Christian girl than I'm . . . actually, I'm hoping that one of her brothers is a twenty-something strapping farm boy who could help me with some yard work. I have some bushes that could really use a good trim.


Sincerely Yours,

Handmaiden

[James Dewitt]

Re: LOL ( Ladies of Landover)

Brother, I am so happy for you! May you be blessed with many sons.

There is one small concern, however. What is she doing wearing her wedding night intimate apparel out in broad daylight in the middle of a field?

Did she allow you to photograph her like that? I think that sort of thing should take place after the wedding in the privacy of the sacred marriage bed. That is when you will want visual documentation of the proceedings.

Congatulatoryly Yours,

Handmaiden

Let your worries be at rest, long dresses hinder the milking of 250 heifers.

James, congratulations!

She seems like a properly dressed True Christian™ girl to me.

She does not wear pants: Deuteronomy 22:5 "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God."

Her clothing looks modest, very modest even: 1 Timothy 2:9 "In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array"

She does not seem to have any piercings: Leviticus 19:28 "Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD."

Thanks brother for your support. She is free of tattoos and Perice's. I have it in writing that she is indeed a virgin.

I'm booked out for the next year and a half for weddings.


Unless you intend to become a Platinum Tither. In that case I'm free next week.

Pastor Ezekiel, just last week I was passing the Porsche dealership, there was a 911 Carrera in red with black leather calfskin upholstery, did I mention it was a rag top and tubro charged?

[James Dewitt]

Re: LOL ( Ladies of Landover)

Congratulations, Brother D. I know Felicity and I are hoping for 1st or 2nd row seats. My wife can sit in the back.

Levi, I have a question for you . It would do me pleasure if you, Sir would be my best man. Nothing would bring me greater happiness( except for the up and coming rapture) than for you to be my best man. Could it get any better Pastor Zeke presiding and you as my best man?