[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Looking for a better wife

With my recent return, I'd like to resurrect this thread in hopes of hastening my search for a wife. Rumors are spreading about me, and I must prove my Godly devotion. Although women are surely inferior in every way, I'd like to continue making God's soldiers whilst having my dinner made. If you know any young, hardworking, virgins, please send them my way!

Just for the record, ladies; Mr. Cross has categorically denied being a sodomite at all. In addition, he has denied being slavishly attracted to me personally, which is an added bonus for you.

Countless and innumerable homers spend their days adoring and lusting after me. My God-given chiseled good looks, rock hard abs and piercing blue eyes have driven some queers mad with lust. I've even heard that there are websites set up by some sick perverts out there dedicated to the idolization of my muscular body, and wallowing in lengthy essays that fantasize about graphic sexual encounters with yours truly.

Mr. Cross denied being involved with any such deviant behavior. Praise Jesus!

[Larry Lee]

Re: Looking for a better wife

Just for the record, ladies; Mr. Cross has categorically denied being a sodomite at all. In addition, he has denied being slavishly attracted to me personally, which is an added bonus for you.

Countless and innumerable homers spend their days adoring and lusting after me. My God-given chiseled good looks, rock hard abs and piercing blue eyes have driven some queers mad with lust. I've even heard that there are websites set up by some sick perverts out there dedicated to the idolization of my muscular body, and wallowing in lengthy essays that fantasize about graphic sexual encounters with yours truly.

Mr. Cross denied being involved with any such deviant behavior. Praise Jesus!

Very good. Bob, I think you'll find that Justina Thyme and Sister Noddy are two upstanding Landover gals who are eager to cook, clean, mend socks and bear True Christian(tm) issue. If only the Lord would send the right man their way. Are you the answer to their prayers?

[tLakota]

Re: Looking for a better wife

Very good. Bob, I think you'll find that Justina Thyme and Sister Noddy are two upstanding Landover gals who are eager to cook, clean, mend socks and bear True Christian™ issue. If only the Lord would send the right man their way. Are you the answer to their prayers?

Justina is already Mrs. Thyme, Larry Lee. But maybe Sister Noddy would be best? She's always been comely and truly saved in all the discussions we've had together. If she's interested I wish you all the best.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Looking for a better wife

Although women are surely inferior in every way, I'd like to continue making God's soldiers whilst having my dinner made.

Perhaps you should wait until after dinner to "make soldiers." Wouldn't want anyone to get burned trying to "make soldiers" while standing near a hot stove.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Looking for a better wife

Perhaps you should wait until after dinner to "make soldiers." Wouldn't want anyone to get burned trying to "make soldiers" while standing near a hot stove.

Dances,

Maybe you were making a joke why would a man be in a kitchen? That makes no sense.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Looking for a better wife

Dances,

Maybe you were making a joke why would a man be in a kitchen? That makes no sense.

Quote from Bob Cross:
"I'd like to continue making God's soldiers whilst having my dinner made."

If he wants to make soldiers while his dinner's being made, he's either going to have to whip it out in the kitchen or move the stove to the bedroom - dangerous either way.

[Don the Baptist]

Re: Looking for a better wife

Perhaps you should wait until after dinner to "make soldiers." Wouldn't want anyone to get burned trying to "make soldiers" while standing near a hot stove.

I am truly beginning to understand you much better Ms. DancingWithoutUnderwear, Christians do NOT attempt to procreate while standing up. That is sure sign of Satanic possession. And in the kitchen? Are you completely mad woman? What kind of filth are you attempting to propagate here?

Your husband needs to get you under control, perhaps a quick jab in the eye might help??

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Looking for a better wife

I am truly beginning to understand you much better Ms. DancingWithoutUnderwear, Christians do NOT attempt to procreate while standing up. That is sure sign of Satanic possession. And in the kitchen? Are you completely mad woman? What kind of filth are you attempting to propagate here?


Just trying to warn the dear brother about the dangers of attempting to make soldiers whilst having his dinner made for him.

Your husband needs to get you under control, perhaps a quick jab in the eye might help??

I control myself, he controls himself, and we like it that way. Violence has no place in our home.

[Nobar King]

Re: Looking for a better wife

I control myself, he controls himself, and we like it that way. Violence has no place in our home.

So, if someone broke into your house and threatened you with assault or worse, your husband would just watch it happen instead of fighting back?

[Deaner]

Re: Looking for a better wife

So, if someone broke into your house and threatened you with assault or worse, your husband would just watch it happen instead of fighting back?

Her husband? He'd probably start crying.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Looking for a better wife

So, if someone broke into your house and threatened you with assault or worse, your husband would just watch it happen instead of fighting back?

I'll clarify - gratuitious violence has no place in our home. Violence toward each other or other loved ones has no place in our home.

Self-defense and defense of loved ones is a a different story.

[Mr Godwin]

Re: Looking for a better wife

Self-defense and defense of loved ones is a a different story.

Ya think?

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Looking for a better wife

Justina is already Mrs. Thyme, Larry Lee. But maybe Sister Noddy would be best? She's always been comely and truly saved in all the discussions we've had together. If she's interested I wish you all the best.

Oh isn't that lovely of you to say, bless your heart!

Not that Brother Cross isn't a fine, handsome young man! But I happen to be a widow, and already tend to the household of my son-in-law and grandchildren! So it is written ...

Titus 2:3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;

Titus 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

Titus 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

I'm sure the good brother will find a lovely but somewhat younger True Christian™ lady whenever the Lord Jesus sees fit!

Praise!