[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

Esther's father gave me her password and let her know about it a few days later. I know she wasn't happy about it, but she knew better than to argue with her father (I wish she had, though).

Why are wishing the young lady to sin? Esther was only obeying her father's orders and any decent Christian knows that children are to obey their parents. It's stated quite clearly in Ephesians 6:1. Also, don't be a stumbling block to Esther, it's bad enough we are feeble minded women that are prone to sin without the loving discipline of a paddle/belt/KJV Bible and our father/husband. The Lord despises stumbling blocks as stated in 1 Corinthians 8:9, Leviticus 19:4, and Matthew 16:23. You are bound for hell right now, so read your KJV Bible, repent, and turn back to Jesus!


Widow Elizabeth Johnson

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

You are bound for hell right now

I'll say. They both are if you ask me. To take a hijack a thread like this from a True Christian™ man and horse... dentist or whatever is the epitome of selfishness. Here we are called to pray to Jesus to personally help you keep your legs together like a Jewess holding a dime between her knees, and these two can't stop bickering with everyone around. If I wanted to hear bickering, I'd listen to my kids. I'm sure Jesus stopped paying attention long ago.

[Samuel Hubbard]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

I'll say. They both are if you ask me. To take a hijack a thread like this from a True Christian™ man and horse... dentist or whatever is the epitome of selfishness. Here we are called to pray to Jesus to personally help you keep your legs together like a Jewess holding a dime between her knees, and these two can't stop bickering with everyone around. If I wanted to hear bickering, I'd listen to my kids. I'm sure Jesus stopped paying attention long ago.

Leave Esther out of this and stop giving me infractions for posting my opinions. I haven't done anything wrong.

[handmaiden]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

Esther's father gave me her password and let her know about it a few days later. I know she wasn't happy about it, but she knew better than to argue with her father (I wish she had, though).

And is Esther's father an approved member of this forum and a certified True Christian?


You are hardly out of hot water, yet, young man.


When Lot offered his two virgin daughters to be gang raped by the crowd that wanted to engage in perverse relations with Lot's angelic visitors, the Lord displayed no condemnation for Lot. If the crowd had taken him up on the offer, God would have been displeased with them, no doubt. The fact that God destroyed Sodom clearly indicates his displeasure with those folks.


My point is -- besides the fact that a gang rape of two virgin females is not nearly as serious a concern for the Lord than any of His chosen male spokesmodels being harmed in a similar way--just because Papa B offered, you didn't have to accept. And even if you felt compelled to accept the information offered to you out of deference to your future father-in-law, you did not have to use the information. In point of fact, you shouldn't have.


Now, when you become a father, you can offer up your daughter's passwords and virtue in any number of biblically approved ways. Making free use of a man's daughter's passwords and/or virtue, however, will incur certain penalties.


At this point, I wish to ask pardon for swerving somewhat off topic, since our primary concern here is Sister Elizabeth and what God, her father and the church authorities feel should be done regarding her marital state.


Since she is a widow having borne children, she is clearly not a virgin and as such is not fit to be offered as a gang-rape substitute in protection for any of her father's more esteemed visitors.


Factually Yours,


Handmaiden

[Esther B.]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

Leave Esther out of this and stop giving me infractions for posting my opinions. I haven't done anything wrong.

Yes, you have. Not only have you continue to derail this thread, but you have also disregarded every infraction that you've been given. When the True Christian™ moderators are giving you infractions, they're trying to get you to behave. Remember what Hebrews 13:17 says about obeying the people who rule over you (in this case it's the True Christians™ ).

Brother Larry, I sincerely apologize for derailing your well-intentioned thread.


Sister Elizabeth, I will continue to pray for you and your children.

[Basilissa]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

Leave Esther out of this and stop giving me infractions for posting my opinions. I haven't done anything wrong.

Sweetie, giving your opinions is the problem. No one cares about your opinions. The only thing that matters are God's opinions as expressed in the Holy Bible.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

So, Samuel - I can't wait until we have our conversation and become lifelong albeit shortlived friends.


Tell me - do you like gladiator movies?
I am exploring private fishing areas for us, too. Deep river is best. And no need for that shotgun since I will be helping you ensure the safety of the animals.


Be sure to private message me the address for your brother. He won't be around, right? I'd just like our meeting to be intimate. In a brotherly way of course.


I'm still on my knees for you, Elizabeth. My best to your father.
Say Esther - how YOU doin?
Handy - lookin' submissive and humble, there, woman.


COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

Personally, I am no longer fit to be a perfect, pure bride for a man, since I cannot wear white and a veil for my wedding day (obviously, I've borne five children). However, I have no say in my future, as it is up to my father, the church elders, and the Lord. All I've been told thus far, is to give up wearing black into more cheerful colors, since my husband is with Jesus now. Thus, I've obeyed, and changed my profile image too out of respect for the men. My father is not sure yet, as he is referencing all the Scriptures and praying to figure out what is best for him and the Lord. I have no say, but as a woman, I know this is best for surely, I'd sin if I had a voice.

Meekly,
Widow Elizabeth Johnson

[Samuel Hubbard]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

So, Samuel - I can't wait until we have our conversation and become lifelong albeit shortlived friends.


Tell me - do you like gladiator movies?
I am exploring private fishing areas for us, too. Deep river is best. And no need for that shotgun since I will be helping you ensure the safety of the animals.


Be sure to private message me the address for your brother. He won't be around, right? I'd just like our meeting to be intimate. In a brotherly way of course.


I'm still on my knees for you, Elizabeth. My best to your father.
Say Esther - how YOU doin?
Handy - lookin' submissive and humble, there, woman.


COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry

I look forward to meeting with you and getting an answer to my questions about what happened to Mrs. Johnson's husband. I am quite a fan of gladiator movies. Why do you ask? It's been years since I've been deep water fishing, so I will probably be asking a lot of questions. I will leave my shotgun at home, but I might bring a pistol, just in case someone shows up and threatens us, which is always a possibility here on the farm. My brother will probably be around, but since bad things tend to happen when we're both away from the farm, he'll be staying in the farm when we go fishing.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

I look forward to meeting with you and getting an answer to my questions about what happened to Mrs. Johnson's husband. I am quite a fan of gladiator movies. Why do you ask? It's been years since I've been deep water fishing, so I will probably be asking a lot of questions. I will leave my shotgun at home, but I might bring a pistol, just in case someone shows up and threatens us, which is always a possibility here on the farm. My brother will probably be around, but since bad things tend to happen when we're both away from the farm, he'll be staying in the farm when we go fishing.

Samuel, why are you so interested in my husband's death? Isn't that the Lord's, my father's, my family's and my affairs. Your overt interest and your clear digression from the Lord is concerning, and I will be showing your posts to my father and the investigator, if my father deems so. You need to stop acting like a meddling old gossipy hen, and reading your Bible so you can be the man God called you to be. After all, God forbids gossip (James 4:11) and he blesses men who follow Psalm 1:1-3.


Finally, why are you being so rude to a True Christian male? BrotherLarry has proved himself more worthy and Christian than either you, who is a hell-bound sinner who has deviated from God or myself, a lowly woman. Anyway, your rudeness and anger is forbidden in the Bible, and disrespect me all you want, as long as you are following the Bible. And your anger is a direct violation of Psalm 37:8, and Ephesians 4:31.


Yours in Christ,
Widow Elizabeth Johnson

[handmaiden]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

Finally, why are you being so rude to a True Christian male? BrotherLarry has proved himself more worthy and Christian than either you, who is a hell-bound sinner who has deviated from God or myself, a lowly woman.. . and disrespect me all you want, as long as you are following the Bible.

Yours in Christ,
Widow Elizabeth Johnson

Amen, Sister Widow Elizabeth Johnson. Non-believing men perplex me. Besides eternal life and escape from eternal suffering, Jesus offers a pretty sweet deal to the masculine contingent. Why would they not choose to be elevated as the head of the woman?


Surely they can't believe that equality between the sexes is a good strategy for making the most of everyone's talents and abilities? And they can't be craving actual emotional support and intimacy. I suppose some of the weak ones struggle with the fact they're just human and can't really be expected to handle every problem in life with stoic determination and no one to confide in.




Fortunately, True Christian men know that they carry authority directly from God and that God's word is all the comfort and counsel that they need.


A man who actually respects women as people doesn't truly respect himself.


Secure in my Secondary Roledly Yours,


Handmaiden

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

I look forward to meeting with you and getting an answer to my questions about what happened to Mrs. Johnson's husband. I am quite a fan of gladiator movies. Why do you ask? It's been years since I've been deep water fishing, so I will probably be asking a lot of questions. I will leave my shotgun at home, but I might bring a pistol, just in case someone shows up and threatens us, which is always a possibility here on the farm. My brother will probably be around, but since bad things tend to happen when we're both away from the farm, he'll be staying in the farm when we go fishing.

That's wonderful news! I will bring a gladiator movie along - we can use my portable DVD player. Say, why not leave that pistol at home. I'll be packing, so no need for more than one firearm on a fishing trip. Your questions will be welcomed better ask them quickly and I do hope that your brother won't mind me taking a look at his horses. I have a feeling that after my visit, all of this nonsense will be settled.


If anyone sees Brother FM have him get in touch with me, please. Just need to ask for some tips. Um, fishing tips.


Here's to our new friendship, Sam old boy.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

Just when did this Forum become a dating app for widows and ugly spinsters trying to seduce my boys away from Jesus' work and my tithes?



Now cut the frolicks and if you have the tithe for the nuptials, either marry and start producing some soldiers for God or go back to the streets from where you came to distribute some KJVs and Chick Tracts! Jesus, a Pastor is wrongfully locked up in a Filipino prison for a couple of months and suddenly everyone is going amok!

Pastor,
You should know that you have always come first for me - always. I always come next, and it is your faithful service to the church that has inspired me to shout to the LORD with hands raised to Heaven, bringing me into the fullness of True Christianity(TM) and sealing my place in Heaven for eternity - or as long as you agree that is where I should be.
As always, your compassion for the grieving is overwhelming and your stalwart reminder that we should be about saving souls for JESUS, well, after tithing of course - is well taken. I have initiated a wire transfer just moments ago as a special love offering on top of my automatic debit tithe.
Worshipping at your feet,
BrotherLarry

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

After a good deal of time and consideration, my father has decided that it is best for me to enter into an engagement of an indefinite time, provided that it works for his schedule, proven that he finds a man worthy to do business dealings with. He says that while it may not be the most pleasant for me, I'm a woman and my main duty is to bear more Soldiers for Christ. So, I must submit to my father's and the Lord's will.


Yours in Christ,
Elizabeth Johnson
Mother of 4 Boys and 1 Daughter

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

After a good deal of time and consideration, my father has decided that it is best for me to enter into an engagement of an indefinite time, provided that it works for his schedule, proven that he finds a man worthy to do business dealings with. He says that while it may not be the most pleasant for me, I'm a woman and my main duty is to bear more Soldiers for Christ. So, I must submit to my father's and the Lord's will.


Yours in Christ,
Elizabeth Johnson
Mother of 4 Boys and 1 Daughter

That's wonderful news, Sister. Has he considered me as a potential suitor? You should know that you're my one and only.


BrotherLarry