Pray for Our Mission To South America

[BrotherLarry]

Brethren,


We covet your prayers as we go into the bowels of the South American men in order to encourage them to cry out to God. Yes, we are on a Mission to South America: Thomas Taylor, Sister Kate's husband, also Brother Jim Farmer and his friend, and we hope that Brother Des and Dr. Niles will join us (and any other handsome men of the church who would like to go along - send pics please).


We need your prayers because this journey has already not been easy. First it took forever to find my carry-on so I could get all the things I'll need; then getting my three other bags ready to go took forever too, since I had to choose outfits that are suitable for representing Christ in a heathen environment.


Then I went to the bookstore and asked for a Mexican-English phrasebook and the cretin behind the counter said there was no such thing but she had "several Spanish-English phrasebooks and lessons." I am not going to SPAIN, I told her. What good would that do me? Well, she got all huffy and asked where I was going. I told her and she said, "If you're also going to Brazil remember they don't speak Spanish."


I almost lost my spiritual grace at that point. I said as calmly as I could, "I KNOW. They speak Mexican just like the other surrounding countries." She kept going on about how they spoke Portugal there and I finally just walked out. If anyone has any pertinent Mexican phrases we should know please share them with us.


We will keep you updated on our progress as we minister to these heathens - I understand cannibalism is still prevalent down that way. You should be assured that all of us men will be on our knees frequently and we shall not fail to pray for all of you as you pray for us.


COME LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry


PS: Brother Elmer, do not fear for my studies while I am ministering to the South American Mexicans. All my work is caught up and some has been submitted in advance so I will not fall behind. Say, why don't you join us on our mission, too? We could research together.

[Des]

Re: Pray for Our Mission To South America

Where is the bathroom?/ Casa de pee pee?
Could a maid show me to my room? Como mas por la puta?
I don't understand./ No hablo meh-he-kano.
You are looking well tonight, ma'am/Yo ti quero roto tu ropas con mi dientes.
Waitress, over here!/ Ven aca, olita, perra!
Taxi/ Taxi-oh
Hotel/Hotel-oh
American Embassy/American-oh embassy-oh
Dinner/carne no gato o perro
Airport?/Air-oh de port-oh?
Am I in some kind of trouble, officer?/Como mas dinero?


Bear in mind that most Messicants will understand you if you just put an "oh" on the end of everything and speak very loudly.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Pray for Our Mission To South America

Brother Larry, I hope you have remembered to pack plenty of cleft sticks, for carrying small items such as important messages and Chick tracts? If not, my husband can put you in touch with a local cleavesman who can get some cloven for you.

We have no need to learn Mexican in my country - in fact, using foreign languages is frowned on, on the grounds that if you try it there is always the danger that they will reply with some gibberish. If you speak s-l-o-w-l-y, clearly and above all loudly in American then you should be fine.


Bong voyage, Brethren!

[Basilissa]

Re: Pray for Our Mission To South America



I'll just say that I'm deeply OFFENDED that nobody asked ME to help my True Christian™ Brothers to serve as a guide in these savage lands of Southern Mexico (also known as Ungodly South America).

Our Godly Pastors enjoy my services during our missionary trips to these areas. And I deeply enjoy providing these services as well. I just cannot understand why this trip has to be "Male Only."



I hope nobody will shrink nobody's head on this trip. I know which areas specialize in this sort of thing. To avoid them, obviously. But since YOU don't want ME to tag along, good luck with that!

[Des]

Re: Pray for Our Mission To South America

I'll just say that I'm deeply OFFENDED that nobody asked ME to help my True Christian™ Brothers to serve as a guide in these savage lands of Southern Mexico (also known as Ungodly South America).

Our Godly Pastors enjoy my services during our missionary trips to these areas. And I deeply enjoy providing these services as well. I just cannot understand why this trip has to be "Male Only."



I hope nobody will shrink nobody's head on this trip. I know which areas specialize in this sort of thing. To avoid them, obviously. But since YOU don't want ME to tag along, good luck with that!

Actually, it is true that Sister Basilissa has a marginally better grasp of the Mexican lingo than myself. She just never seems as familiar with the districts the Lord guides me toward as I am.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Pray for Our Mission To South America

Actually, it is true that Sister Basilissa has a marginally better grasp of the Mexican lingo than myself. She just never seems as familiar with the districts the Lord guides me toward as I am.

Mz Dolores de Barracuda is actually some sort of a Mexican, isn't she? If she were to get lost in the jungle, it might save some embarrassment to us all. She sent my husband a questionnaire about his "practices" which was so impertinent that he burned it.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Pray for Our Mission To South America

I'll just say that I'm deeply OFFENDED that nobody asked ME to help my True Christian™ Brothers to serve as a guide in these savage lands of Southern Mexico (also known as Ungodly South America).

Our Godly Pastors enjoy my services during our missionary trips to these areas. And I deeply enjoy providing these services as well. I just cannot understand why this trip has to be "Male Only."



I hope nobody will shrink nobody's head on this trip. I know which areas specialize in this sort of thing. To avoid them, obviously. But since YOU don't want ME to tag along, good luck with that!

Sister Baz, Yes we know that you would be an asset on this trip, but you'd also be a huge liability. Those messicants would probably rape you and shrink your head. Our minds will be too focussed on saving Sister Kate's husband from the sins of the flesh, and that may be too much for your delicate sensibilities.


But I tell you what - I'll send you a postcard form Michu Pachu and buy you one of these strange camelly things. I hope that will make you realise we care about you.

[Basilissa]

Re: Pray for Our Mission To South America

But I tell you what - I'll send you a postcard form Michu Pachu and buy you one of these strange camelly things. I hope that will make you realise we care about you.

Whatever. Just don't send me a postcard representing a machu pichu. A postcard of the Machu Picchu will suffice.

(And the difference between a pichu and the Picchu is EXACTLY why it is PIVOTAL for me to accompany you guys on this trip).

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Pray for Our Mission To South America

Whatever. Just don't send me a postcard representing a machu pichu. A postcard of the Machu Picchu will suffice.

(And the difference between a pichu and the Picchu is EXACTLY why it is PIVOTAL for me to accompany you guys on this trip).

Who cares about them though? Bloody Mexican papists. I have no intention of talking to any of them. Not until they seek Jesus as their inspiration and learn to speak God's own language, anyway. I'll buy you a big pichu anyway. I assume you'd like that.

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: Pray for Our Mission To South America

Whatever. Just don't send me a postcard representing a machu pichu. A postcard of the Machu Picchu will suffice.

(And the difference between a pichu and the Picchu is EXACTLY why it is PIVOTAL for me to accompany you guys on this trip).

hahahaha. Well put Sister. I can remember a really funny incident during my travels in the Godless Philippines where not knowing the difference between pekpek and pakpak caused me to become embroiled in a heated argument with a Filipino Nun. Boy was she embarrassed.


But the rest of the men are, sadly, right. This is no trip for a gentlewoman such as yourself. It will be hot, sticky and extremely dangerous as we penetrate deep into the darkest pits of the Messicants. I will, however, provide live video coverage of all the action.


YIC
TT

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Pray for Our Mission To South America

GLORY!


I met a man on my first day who was very handsome and bright. He even spoke American! I invited him to our hotel room and he agreed to fellowship with us. We shared the man Jesus with him and I think he was satisfied that Jesus is the best that ever happened to him. In fact, he left with Jesus, and I believe they will be inseparable.


Please continue your prayers. Today Tommy and I will be going to one of the surrounding villages to share the love that Christ has given us with the men there. Oh, how wondrous it is to be with such a group. I think we'll have many mission trips like this in the future. We're already discussing Key West and Provincetown.


COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Pray for Our Mission To South America

Brother Larry, I hope you have remembered to pack plenty of cleft sticks, for carrying small items such as important messages and Chick tracts? If not, my husband can put you in touch with a local cleavesman who can get some cloven for you.

We have no need to learn Mexican in my country - in fact, using foreign languages is frowned on, on the grounds that if you try it there is always the danger that they will reply with some gibberish. If you speak s-l-o-w-l-y, clearly and above all loudly in American then you should be fine.


Bong voyage, Brethren!

Oh, my. None of us have cleft sticks! Is it too late? I asked a stranger if he was a cleaver, and he said he was a mamani. Then he muttered something about "dumb American" and walked away.

[Brother Gonzalez]

Re: Pray for Our Mission To South America

Brother, sadly I am in the realms of Germanistan this week, and not able to be filled with your love as you visit my lands.I have, however, several employees that you could use as guides to the darkest lands down there.
And here you have some reference sentences:


"I want to fill you with the love of Jesus" "Quiero llenarte de mi amor, putito"
"On your knees and repent" "De rodillas y a chupar"
"We come from America, the land of God" "Dime que harías por dólares americanos"


I hope this is helpful. Next week I am in Mexico, and the other week maybe I could find you in Brazil. Try to stay alive.