Pray for JK Rowling

[Virginia Day Templeton]

We Christians have endured decades of ridicule for warning of the Satanic spell cast by JK Rowling's Harry Potter novels. This seven-part grimoire (a mockery of God's perfect number) has effectively become the Millennial Bible, enshrining witchcraft as a beloved cultural institution and damning millions, even billions of impressionable young souls.

But times change.

Now, a new religion has arisen: that of Wokeness and Social Justice, in which mindless cliches like "black lives matter" (except when other blacks take them), "believe women" (unless they're conservative), and "protect trans kids" (by hacking off their genitals and breasts) have replaced prayer, and the perpetually aggrieved whining of "marginalized folx" carries all the authority of God's Word. In this brave new reality, yesterday's icons become fuel for the flames of outrage the moment they misspeak.

Just ask Rowling, who committed the ultimate Social Justice sin by stating, as gently and politely as possible, that men cannot be women. The moment she said it, the Trannosphere exploded into a frenzied froth of howling and screeching that resembled nothing so much as a pack of rabid, starving hyenas in wigs descending on a blue-rare Delmonico steak tossed from a helicopter.

Wokeness does not forgive. Wokeness does not forget. To the intersectional cult, even the tiniest faux pas carries a charge as grave as blasphemy against the Holy Ghost. No amount of groveling will erase the brand of "TERF" now seared upon her soul.

At this moment, Ms. Rowling wavers.

Soon, very soon, she may turn and come running — to Christ.

Joanne, I want you to know that we are here for you. The church, and Almighty God, are here to welcome you.

IF you beg forgiveness.

IF you are sincere.

IF you repent of your Satanic past and vow to spend the rest of your days ministering to those your wickedness has led astray.

Surrender yourself completely unto Christ, allow the Son of Man to enter you, and rejoice as His blood washes you clean like no Earthly substance can ever do.

You can do this. All True Christians, each and every one, were once sinners.

Join me, Brothers and Sisters, in praying for this momentous conversion — the most miraculous since Brother Jeffrey Dahmer came into Christ's embrace.

GLORY!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Pray for JK Rowling

A powerful prayer, indeed, Sister Virginia.

I'm adding to my prayer that the next Rowling book is entitled, Harry Finds Jesus. It would be such a dramatic turnaround if all the fake spiritual themes of her book were thrown asunder by falling at the feet of Jesus.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Pray for JK Rowling

Trannies know that the world at large finds them gross and creepy, and that most people actually sympathize with "TERFs". Thus they have amped up their hate campaign and are now trying to tar Rowling as a racist, an anti-Semite, and all kinds of other ridiculous things. Among their complaints:

• That there aren't enough black stoodintz at Hogwarts (British Negroes? )
• That the Chinese witch is named Ching Chong (instead of what? Lady Annabelle Anastasia Mary-Catherine McQuinthrop XVII?)
• That the goblins are hook-nosed and greedy, like Jews (sounds like SJWs are the real bigots here... yet again)
• That the house elves enjoy being slaves (unlike real slaves who were totally miserable)
• That a female character's large, manly hands symbolize her duplicity, and that's "transphobic" (but I thought trannies were 100% feminine and indistinguishable from real women?)
• That she trivializes or "appropriates" sacred Indian traditions (and had she NOT written about them, you just know they'd be howling about the lack of "representation")

You can see that it's all a bunch of nonsense. It's hilarious watching these losers throw every -ism that might possibly stick like monkeys flinging poop.

These are your "fans", JK. The same people who made you a billionaire are now baying for your blood. Sooner or later, some delusional pig in a wig may very well put a bullet in you.

You can't win with them.

You can't lose with Christ.

The Laws of Wokeness change every day. The Laws of God never change. Never.

Make the right choice... before it's too late.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Pray for JK Rowling

As a matter of principle, I never pray for women. Women going to Heaven is as likely as dung beetles or cockroaches going to Heaven. So I prefer not to waste my prayers.

I will pray for JK Rowling's husband though. I pray his wife learns her place of obedience to her husband (Genesis 3:16, Ephesians 5:22-24) and total silence (1st Timothy 2:11-12).

What kind of a name is JK anyway? Was her father JoKing while he registered the name of his daugther?

[Isabella White]

Re: Pray for JK Rowling

Dear Sister Templeton: Those are some very big IFs that you've included in your message, but I know your blessed heart is in the right place and, for that, to Almighty I give However, I am afraid that this Miss Rowling lady will continue to pursue her love of money, instead of recognizing her dire need of the , despite the many prayers of the people of .

Actually, if I must be frank, I have to say that she makes my blood boil. There. I've said it. Whenever I think of my great-great-great niece (8 years of age) reading those Harry Potters books and reciting the plots of each storyline with such skill, I am infuriated. This goes only to show how much the devil has put his foot on the hearts of the young people of these, the last days before the triumphant return of our glorious .

And, if I were still the head librarian at my former place of employment, I can tell you right here and now, with no reservation, that those books would all be taken down from the shelves and placed in the bin for the next book-burning festival!

But, as you are witnessing from the depths of honorable and noble intentions within your heart, I shall join you in prayer. Miss Rowling's name will be included on the prayer list for this upcoming Wednesday Afternoon McGill Street Ladies' Bible Study, Prayer Meeting and Tea & Social (to be held this week at Sister Clarissa's house -- oh, how she makes the most adorable angel food cake!)

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Pray for JK Rowling

When a savage reads The Bible, often there are severe misunderstandings. For example in East Africa some unusual family structures turn up, probably the result of animism, causing great suspicion or even jocularity when reading about a Heavenly Father. For them the tradition had been for men to run around like billy-goats producing kids wherever they happened to turn up, getting into mischief, behaving and expected to behave as scallywags. For their children he was no example and provided no care other than teaching them how to be scallywags themselves.

Going, "Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name," when translated into their language had no effect other than to bring on a fit of hysterics. You might have an interesting day out with your father but you wouldn't want too many of them and apart from that he was pretty much a scoundrel. Now perhaps your mother liked occasional visits from scoundrels (otherwise you wouldn't exist) but mostly she'd want him well out of range.

Care was provided by Uncles. They took responsibility for their nephews and nieces and presumably for their sisters since the scallywag had no obligation to do so. The uncles would themselves do the billy-goat routine with respect to their own children (and the mothers) and conversely the father would be a responsible Uncle to his nephews and nieces, the children of his sister. And probably brother but he may not know who those were. The Lord's Prayer needed to be translated, "Our Uncle which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name," and that made perfect sense.

To them. Not necessarily to God. My prayer is for those who read her books, that God will show them through the words where wizardry leads, hexes and spells and amulets. It's not much different from animism. Reinterpreting the words of Jesus hasn't worked out so well for East Africa, for the woke brigade if they read The Bible at all they'll start substituting gnomes and goblins and fetishes and totem poles it make me sick.

[WWJDnow]

Re: Pray for JK Rowling

Sister Templeton, thank you for this amazing reminder that we Christians are all about Christ's message of love, acceptance, forgiveness, and redemption. We are ready to forgive JK Rowling for her support of witchcraft and homosexuality and characters of different races dating each other, now that she recognizes that we simply cannot tolerate transexualism. Even more important, Jesus is ready to forgive her, too! I have added JK Rowling to my daily prayer list.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Pray for JK Rowling

I'm praying for JK's health as well. Here rather sudden change of heart is eerily similar to what atheists call a "death bed conversion." That is a misnomer, of course. The experience of those who convert near the end of their lives should be call simply a "conversion."

My prayer is for her long, healthy and Christian life.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Pray for JK Rowling

It's only a matter of time before some 6'5" ogre in bad Pippi Longstocking cosplay smashes her skull like a rotten pumpkin. That's why it's urgent that we bring her into our fold.

Rowling, despite being an awful writer, is effectively the voice of a generation. Imagine how powerful that voice would be if harnessed in the service of Christ.

...Not to mention the billion-dollar fortune. Having a bit of that in our coffers wouldn't hurt either.

[Basilissa]

Re: Pray for JK Rowling

Rowling, despite being an awful writer, is effectively the voice of a generation. Imagine how powerful that voice would be if harnessed in the service of Christ.

Amen, Sister!

However, it has to be noted that a new and very much improved version of the Harry Potter books has already been created by a Christian housewife.

Please do click, I believe you will be immediately struck and smitten by its superb artistic value. Its amazing quality is practically impossible to match. The only reason why the author hasn't gotten the Nobel Literature Prize yet is the award committee's hatred towards all True Christians™.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Pray for JK Rowling

Amen, Sister!

However, it has to be noted that a new and very much improved version of the Harry Potter books has already been created by a Christian housewife.

Please do click, I believe you will be immediately struck and smitten by its superb artistic value. Its amazing quality is practically impossible to match. The only reason why the author hasn't gotten the Nobel Literature Prize yet is the award committee's hatred towards all True Christians™.

It's beautifully written. Much better than the source material, that's for sure.

I do think it could use a stronger ending, like the Earth itself opening up under those disgusting atheists, sending them and their house tumbling into Hell. Perhaps they could even be impaled on red-hot demon phalluses. Oh well. There's certainly room for a sequel.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Pray for JK Rowling

I pray JK will read and praise this version of Harry. We are all praying JK will find it in herself to write a Christian series starring a saved Harry.

[Diesel Stanford]

Re: Pray for JK Rowling

Should True Christians™ really pray for her? Are we told to pray for everyone by God?

Therefore pray not thou for this people, neither lift up cry nor prayer for them, neither make intercession to me: for I will not hear thee. Jeremiah 7:16

Therefore pray not thou for this people, neither lift up a cry or prayer for them: for I will not hear them in the time that they cry unto me for their trouble. Jeremiah 11:14