[WickedWitch]

Re: Dear Friends

Sooo.... I'm back now. And much more scared. It wasn't as horrible as I expected, although it was painful. Why are they always so rough with me? She kept taking pictures of my ovaries. She took pictures of my uterus, too, but she took a lot of pictures of my ovaries. Why? What's wrong with them? And then she asked me if I used birth control. Why would she do that? Birth control can't affect an ultrasound.... Yes it can, but that's absurd. That's ridiculous. And impossible. Beyond impossible. Completely unthinkable and out of the question entirely. What's wrong with my ovaries??

Alie! Don't "wring" those hands, but instead, put them into a steeple-shaped Prayer up to JESUS!

Ah! How would God ever dismiss the veiny Beauty of "Praying Hands?":

Believe me, I've been praying all day. Not to Jesus, but I've definitely been praying. And now I'm praying some more.

If Jesus allows you to survive your procedure, will you finally change your mind and believe in Him? Will you believe in prayer, then?

I do believe in prayer. That's why I asked you all to pray.


*Head swims* I have to sit down now. Oops, I am sitting, *nervous laughter*. This is hilarious, you guys should see this, I'm like... Laughing and crying and... I look ridiculous. I need another cigarette. And chocolate. I don't even like chocolate, but I want some. Sister Sue, do you have any chocolate? Preferably chocolate ice cream. Where's that damned cigarette????

[WickedWitch]

Re: Dear Friends

Okay, okay, I'm much more calm now. Sorry about that little... Freak out. Haven't had chocolate, and I've lost my frigging cigarettes, but I haven't lost my mind. I'll be seeing my doctor tomorrow about the results, and I simply can't worry about it (because there's nothing I can do about it) until then. *Nods*

[JennyD]

Re: Dear Friends

Okay, okay, I'm much more calm now. Sorry about that little... Freak out. Haven't had chocolate, and I've lost my frigging cigarettes, but I haven't lost my mind. I'll be seeing my doctor tomorrow about the results, and I simply can't worry about it (because there's nothing I can do about it) until then. *Nods*

Well, that much is true.

Perhaps, after all your relations with the devil, you've been impregnated with a demon spawn. The pain you feel may be its horns and claws . . . a human uterus simply isn't designed by its Creator to carry such things around. It's like filling a plastic bag with scalpels and broken glass, then squashing it. Not a good idea.

I'm sorry that you got impregnated by Satan, but hope that they can remove the evil beastie and restore your health.

And that you come to Jesus the next time you want some hot Love. His lasts forever, as long as you always obey His every command, and won't make you pregnant with a creature that looks like this:

[SUV]

Re: Dear Friends

Sister Sue, do you have any chocolate? Preferably chocolate ice cream. Where's that damned cigarette????

Certainly! "Death by Chocolate" and some of that "sinfully delicious" Chocolate. Even Chocolate cigarettes!!!

Please don't tell Pastor

[WickedWitch]

Re: Dear Friends

Lol, Jenny. You're silly. Although, there was that incubus a little while ago...

Certainly! "Death by Chocolate" and some of that "sinfully delicious" Chocolate. Even Chocolate cigarettes!!! *Joygasm* Please share!!

Please don't tell Pastor

I promise I won't.


My stupid doctor doesn't have the results yet. They're supposed to be there within 24 hours! Then again, I was seen yesterday at, like, 1:10, and it's only 12:52. So maybe they'll have them in another 18 minutes? Wouldn't that be just so ridiculous? Lol. "Your physician will have the results in exactly 24 hours. Not a minute before."

[WickedWitch]

Re: Dear Friends

So, as it turns out, I had a cyst on each of my ovaries. Had. Past tense. The reason I was in so much pain is because they burst, and my doctor says I'll probably still be in pain for a while. Now I have cyst-fluid floating around in my abdomen waiting to be absorbed by my body. So we're going to keep an eye on my ovaries to see if they decide to grow some more cysts (because they tend to recur). And if that happens, we'll deal with it then. We can't see if the bursting of the cysts caused any damage to my ovaries, and we're unsure as to whether or not the cysts have comprimised fertility; once again, we'll deal with all that somewhere down the road.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Dear Friends

So, as it turns out, I had a cyst on each of my ovaries. Had. Past tense. The reason I was in so much pain is because they burst, and my doctor says I'll probably still be in pain for a while. Now I have cyst-fluid floating around in my abdomen waiting to be absorbed by my body. So we're going to keep an eye on my ovaries to see if they decide to grow some more cysts (because they tend to recur). And if that happens, we'll deal with it then. We can't see if the bursting of the cysts caused any damage to my ovaries, and we're unsure as to whether or not the cysts have comprimised fertility; once again, we'll deal with all that somewhere down the road.

So Jesus has Blessed you with a whole bucketful of womanly pain. Isn't He magnificent?

[JennyD]

Re: Dear Friends

Congratulations on your agonizingly painful ovarian cysts!

I'm sure you'll agree, they're much better than, say, ovarian cancer, or a carnivorous uterus.

Maybe now that you have this new lease on life, you'll reconsider Jesus, who (this time) has spared you the horrors of cancer? I'm sure He only gave you the cysts to get your attention!

[WickedWitch]

Re: Dear Friends

So Jesus has Blessed you with a whole bucketful of womanly pain. Isn't He magnificent?

[sarcasm]Yes, this has been such a pleasant experience.[/sarcasm]

Congratulations on your agonizingly painful ovarian cysts!

I'm sure you'll agree, they're much better than, say, ovarian cancer I'd definitely agree with that, or a carnivorous uterus. Oh, my uterus is still eating itself, that hasn't changed at all, but at least it's not causing any other damage.

Maybe now that you have this new lease on life, you'll reconsider Jesus, who (this time) has spared you the horrors of cancer? I'm sure He only gave you the cysts to get your attention!

Well, it definitely got my attention, that's for sure! And I'll be keeping an eye on my ovaries from now on. Can't have them causing trouble again. Why are my reproductive organs so misbehaved?

Thank you all for your prayers and support.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Dear Friends

[...]Now I have cyst-fluid floating around in my abdomen waiting to be absorbed by my body. [...]

GaaaaaHHHH! Too much information!

And I'll be keeping an eye on my ovaries from now on

That'll be difficult without a mirror...

[Brother Lazarus]

Re: Dear Friends

[sarcasm]Yes, this has been such a pleasant experience.[/sarcasm]

Well, it definitely got my attention, that's for sure! And I'll be keeping an eye on my ovaries from now on. Can't have them causing trouble again. Why are my reproductive organs so misbehaved?

Thank you all for your prayers and support.

Your reproductive organs need some good discipline. Now if you would become a True Christian I'm sure some fine good True Christian man would give your the direction you need.

Do you bake pies?

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Dear Friends

So, as it turns out, I had a cyst on each of my ovaries. Had. Past tense. The reason I was in so much pain is because they burst, and my doctor says I'll probably still be in pain for a while. Now I have cyst-fluid floating around in my abdomen waiting to be absorbed by my body. So we're going to keep an eye on my ovaries to see if they decide to grow some more cysts (because they tend to recur). And if that happens, we'll deal with it then. We can't see if the bursting of the cysts caused any damage to my ovaries, and we're unsure as to whether or not the cysts have comprimised fertility; once again, we'll deal with all that somewhere down the road.

That is what you get for going to a quack doctor the government pays. His diagnosis is completely wrong and Sister Jenny's is much more likely to be the correct one. What probably happened is that one of SATAN'S tadpoles swam up your cooter and chewed it's way into one of your liquid-filled organs where it is feeding on chocolate and growing. Did you ever see the movie 'Alien'? That what I'm talking about.

[WickedWitch]

Re: Dear Friends

GaaaaaHHHH! Too much information! Why? It's just a bit of fluid. Are you really so squeamish? A big, tough Man like you? That'll be difficult without a mirror... [/COLOR]

Or without constantly submitting to ultrasounds every day.

Your reproductive organs need some good discipline. Agreed. Now if you would become a True Christian I'm sure some fine good True Christian man would give your the direction you need. I believe I've had proposals from a couple Upstanding True Christian Gentlemen around here, the issue is that I will not convert.

Do you bake pies?

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

I don't like pie. I bake everything else except pies.

That is what you get for going to a quack doctor the government pays. His diagnosis is completely wrong and Sister Jenny's is much more likely to be the correct one. What probably happened is that one of SATAN'S tadpoles swam up your cooter and chewed it's way into one of your liquid-filled organs where it is feeding on chocolate and growing. Did you ever see the movie 'Alien'? That what I'm talking about.

Okay, well, I'll just tell my doctor something along the lines of: "Well, you see, Dr. Goojha, Pastor Al seems to think that ovarian cysts and adenomyosis are not nearly as likely as my being impregnated by Satan and being pregnant with a growing Demon Baby which is gnawing away at the wall of my uterus and tearing it all to shreds with it's horns. I realise we didn't see this on the ultrasound at all, but I'm thinking maybe we should double check. Y'know, just in case."

[Rocking for JC]

Re: Dear Friends

Okay, well, I'll just tell my doctor something along the lines of: "Well, you see, Dr. Goojha, Pastor Al seems to think that ovarian cysts and adenomyosis are not nearly as likely as my being impregnated by Satan and being pregnant with a growing Demon Baby which is gnawing away at the wall of my uterus and tearing it all to shreds with it's horns. I realise we didn't see this on the ultrasound at all, but I'm thinking maybe we should double check. Y'know, just in case."

Praise the Lord, this is good news. Your uterus is not harboring the antichrist... yet. Not to late to repent and find Jesus; although I think in your case you will need a map, GPS and 3000 foot road signs to do so.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Dear Friends

Or without constantly submitting to ultrasounds every day.

I don't like pie. I bake everything else except pies.

Okay, well, I'll just tell my doctor something along the lines of: "Well, you see, Dr. Goojha, Pastor Al seems to think that ovarian cysts and adenomyosis are not nearly as likely as my being impregnated by Satan and being pregnant with a growing Demon Baby which is gnawing away at the wall of my uterus and tearing it all to shreds with it's horns. I realise we didn't see this on the ultrasound at all, but I'm thinking maybe we should double check. Y'know, just in case."

You doctor is from India. That explains everything. Why didn't he see these 'cysts' before they got big and exploded? In fact, since when do cysts explode? I suspect you have the Black Syph.