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  • #1

    Pray even harder for my Glorious Dick

    Sadly, I find myself having to start a new thread because of the newly reported threats to my Beloved Dick.

    Brothers and Sisters, Mr. Cheney needs your prayers even more now that recent reports are that he has had to have a heart pump installed.

    This is grave news. Those in the health professions are saying that keeping the Dick pumped up artifically can lead to a sudden flattening of the red line if a suitable transplant cannot be found.

    I consulted with a source in the veterinarian medical field who suggested that because my Dick is in dire need, a cross-species transplant might be tried. He cited many examples of success in the field, such as the pig valves transplanted into John Wayne's heart.

    I asked him about a human donor and he said the only suitable transplant for a Dick such as mine would have to come from the negroid species. I ruled that out immediately. I mean, there are limits. Right?

    My source consulted his Holy Bible and found many references to Ass. When I told him I've had a little trouble finding some Ass lately, he suggested I look for a donkey as a suitable solution for my Dick.

    I thanked him and have given this problem much thought. I feel that my Dick could benefit from the donkey solution.

    I have relayed this information to my contact in Bethesda Hospital. He's a highly placed individual in the X-Ray Photoshop Imaging Laboratory in charge of the critical "Cut and Paste" unit.

    He's already working on the "what if" scenarios for my wonderful Dick.

    I am comforted that my Dick is in such capable hands.

    Please pray for my Dick to come out of this crisis standing tall.
    The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

    "Credo elvem etiam vivere"
    Tags: dick cheney, jesus loves dick, prayer requests
  • #2
    Re: Pray even harder for my Glorius Dick

    No one loves Dick more than I do. A world without Big Dick would not be worth living in. May Jesus grab ahold of Dick by the shoulders and shake the devil's seeds out of him until he can stand tall like a man once again.
    The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

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    • #3
      Re: Pray even harder for my Glorius Dick

      I really don't like the idea of those doctors cutting our Dick open. But, they have to do what they have to do, right? After all, these are world class surgeons so we know Dick is in good hands. Dick will be up and walking erect in no time!

      Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

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      • #4
        Re: Pray even harder for my Glorius Dick

        I will indeed pray, but I am confident that Dick will be okay. Dick will be the Dick we always know -- that wonderful, intelligent Dick spewing forth patriotism and Republican speeches. The man has been through four heart attacks, he is resilient. Dick is not a softy, Dick is hard and tough. Dick can take a lickin' and keep on tickin'.


        YES! I AM A CLOWN FOR CHRIST! Owner/Operator of Lord's Derisive Laughter Christian Clown Ministry.
        Read my inspiring testimonial of how I came to Christ!
        Rebuko's Sleepover Castle - Let your kids spend the night at my place for a One-Night Jesus Camp experience!

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        • #5
          Re: Pray even harder for my Glorius Dick

          I talked with Dick on the phone earlier today and Dick seemed fine and dandy. I confess that it always gives me a thrill to feel Dick's strong presense. I let Dick know that there are contless mean and women out here praying for a strong Dick to occupy the Whitehouse once again. That caused Dick to perk up quite a bit.

          I predict that Dick will be right as rain if we just Pray that the doctors and nurses hands are guided by Jesus to meet every one of Dick's needs.
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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          • #6
            Re: Pray even harder for my Glorius Dick

            All this concern about Dick!

            Doesn't anybody care about Bush?

            After all, Dick was never better then when teamed up with Bush.


            Miffedly Yours,

            Handmaiden
            His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

            Guns For God and the Economy

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Pray even harder for my Glorius Dick

              Originally posted by handmaiden View Post
              All this concern about Dick!

              Doesn't anybody care about Bush?

              After all, Dick was never better then when teamed up with Bush.


              Miffedly Yours,

              Handmaiden
              Bush is not having any life threatening issues. Apparently brainlessness is not a fatal affliction..... but a heartless Dick???
              Nahum 1:2

              God is jealous, and the LORD revengeth; the LORD revengeth, and is furious; the LORD will take vengeance on his adversaries, and he reserveth wrath for his enemies.


              If God is Love ... Who created Hell??!!

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Pray even harder for my Glorius Dick

                Living Down Under I am not really excited by images of your Dick or your Bush, but if God holds your Dick and your Bush in his hand then any chosen child of God is worthy of prayer.

                Hence, I will pray that your Dick is again soon upright and strong in the Lord.

                Philippians 4:13 (King James Version)
                13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
                2 Chronicles 7:14
                14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land Australia.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Pray even harder for my Glorious Dick

                  I shall pray that Dick recovers his strength soon, so that he may take hold of his helmet and polish it thoroughly.

                  Ephesians 6:17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God
                  True Christians are Perfect!

                  Signs that you belong to a FALSE Christian Church.

                  Persecution You Have Endured for CHRIST: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in Christ.

                  For True Christians™ only: please send me Project Habakkuk updates at gertruderogers@landoverbaptist.net. Thank you.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Pray even harder for my Glorious Dick

                    I'm in no doubt that Dick can rise to the challenge and I will say an extra prayer.
                    If anyone can pull it off, Dick can.
                    Exod.22

                    " 1. [17] If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins."

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Pray even harder for my Glorious Dick

                      Originally posted by The Disciple View Post
                      I'm in no doubt that Dick can rise to the challenge and I will say an extra prayer.
                      If anyone can pull it off, Dick can.
                      It's good to see Unsaved Trash going down on the knees for Dick.
                      The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

                      "Credo elvem etiam vivere"

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: Pray even harder for my Glorious Dick

                        I could see our Dick Coming back strong after a little rest and some TLC. Dick is not as young as he used to be. The cross species transplant though, Dick might be compatible with an ass but what would happen to him if he were to associate with a donkey. I think our Dick with the heart of a democrat donkey would be rather ineffectual and leave his career limp.
                        sigpic 1 Chronicles 16:15
                        Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
                        Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
                        Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Pray even harder for my Glorious Dick

                          Originally posted by HTannor View Post
                          It's good to see Unsaved Trash going down on the knees for Dick.

                          Another hurdle that must be overcome in my pursuit of total salvation.

                          God recognises my faith and my dedication so its only a matter of time before The Landover Baptist Church Forum realises the same....
                          Exod.22

                          " 1. [17] If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins."

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                          • #14
                            Re: Pray even harder for my Glorious Dick

                            Massive innuendo win.

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: Pray even harder for my Glorious Dick

                              What in the name of our Saviour™? These are prayers for Mr.Cheney! Not whatever foul heathen filth you are conceiving them to be! Leave us in peace and return to your life of masturbation, atheism, sodomy and more masturbation.


                              Brother Tannor, I shall fall to my knees and offer the full use of my tongue in aid of wonderful Dick!
                              Reverend of St. Thaddeus's Church

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