X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 4
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 3 4 template Next
  • #1

    PASTOR AL NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS AND DONATIONS NOW!!

    FRIENDS,
    God's favorite Baptist Church needs your help.

    Our beloved Pastor Al E Pistle has had a heart attack and The Lord will take him home real soon unless we can act immediately.

    We need your Prayers. Lots of them.
    We need you to pray for a miracle so that Pastor Al can be back with us again in full health.

    We all know that Pastor Al has been our main fundraiser for many many years, and I believe that God has sent this heart attack as a message.

    He is telling us that if we cannot raise $10 million then he will have no choice but to call the good Pastor home.

    For his part, Pastor Al has refused to take his meds and is putting his faith in YOU and God.

    So, if you really, truly, passionately believe in God then I suggest you act NOW and help get this fundraiser on the road.

    If this appeal does not work then it will be all our fault!!

    Minimum $100 please and pledges of the same for the next 3 months.


    God bless you all, God Bless Pastor Al E Pistle and God Bless America.

    Click image for larger version Name: avatar2_1.gif.jpg Views: 2 Size: 4.7 KB ID: 1928595

    Click image for larger version Name: jcc3z.gif Views: 1 Size: 159.4 KB ID: 1928596

    Sister Talitha

    Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


    HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
    being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: PASTOR AL NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS AND DONATIONS NOW!!


    Dear, DEAR Pastor Al E Pistle!!!

    I would Certainly like to give until it Hurts, but a small donation of but a few thousand dollars to the Grand Old Man of Landover Baptist would simply be seen as an insult from me... a Tinfoil Tither

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: PASTOR AL NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS AND DONATIONS NOW!!

      Originally posted by Talitha View Post
      We all know that Pastor Al has been our main fundraiser for many many years, and I believe that God has sent this heart attack as a message.

      He is telling us that if we cannot raise $10 million then he will have no choice but to call the good Pastor home.

      What is his stand on the Gay Rights / also-knows-as-The-Marriage-Equality / the Rights of My Daughter?

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: PASTOR AL NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS AND DONATIONS NOW!!

        and in future, Is this pastor REAL? I looked under members and he is not in alphabetical order and i have not seen him post here and I have been here a year. Something's up if I may say.

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: PASTOR AL NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS AND DONATIONS NOW!!

          Dear Friend,

          Pastor Al is the True Christian(tm) who convinced me to make the Supreme Sac-rifice and become a eunuch for God.

          If he says give, I say, 'til it hurts!

          Yours in Him,
          BAB

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: PASTOR AL NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS AND DONATIONS NOW!!

            Originally posted by napa valley nan View Post
            What is his stand on the Gay Rights / also-knows-as-The-Marriage-Equality / the Rights of My Daughter?
            Why are you here? You know our stand on same-sex relationships. You're just here to start trouble, aren't you?

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: PASTOR AL NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS AND DONATIONS NOW!!

              Originally posted by napa valley nan View Post
              and in future, Is this pastor REAL? I looked under members and he is not in alphabetical order and i have not seen him post here and I have been here a year. Something's up if I may say.
              Oh unfortunately Pastor Al is real, he is the person responsible for my presence here in the first place.

              Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
              Pastafarianism revealed.

              Friends, we have finally caught the demon who mocks god with meatballs. Well, we haven't actually CAUGHT him because the Department of Faith is busy trying to get the GODLY republican torturers off the retribution hook. But we have hacked into his secret IM account and you can ask him questions right here!

              JESUS delivers these people to us eventually and we convert them or the electrodes convert them.

              This is JF, the chief Pastafarian and SATAN's spawn. May GOD have mercy on his soul!

              It has been two years now, and still no conversion!
              Posted via Pasta

              True Pastafarian™

              May my Sauce be with you!
              Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
              Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
              The Loose Canon - HTML version
              Loose Canon Fan Page
              North American? Speak English? Thank a Pirate.
              I have been to The Volcano!

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: PASTOR AL NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS AND DONATIONS NOW!!

                Pastor Al is still alive?

                Er, I mean, Pastor Al is STILL ALIVE!



                Pray tell, where IS that Godly PayPal button?
                Bible boring? Nonsense!
                Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: PASTOR AL NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS AND DONATIONS NOW!!

                  Originally posted by napa valley nan View Post
                  What is his stand on the Gay Rights / also-knows-as-The-Marriage-Equality / the Rights of My Daughter?
                  He is, of course, completely in line with God on all issues.

                  Originally posted by napa valley nan View Post
                  and in future, Is this pastor REAL? I looked under members and he is not in alphabetical order and i have not seen him post here and I have been here a year. Something's up if I may say.
                  He is as real as the very fires of hell!

                  Now then, how many thousands can I put you down for?
                  Who Will Jesus Damn?

                  Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                  Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                  Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: PASTOR AL NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS AND DONATIONS NOW!!

                    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                    He is as real as the very fires of hell!
                    And I thought you were his good friend, but here you are telling people that Pastor Al is a figment of their imagination, shame on you Zekie Boy!
                    Posted via Pasta

                    True Pastafarian™

                    May my Sauce be with you!
                    Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
                    Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
                    The Loose Canon - HTML version
                    Loose Canon Fan Page
                    North American? Speak English? Thank a Pirate.
                    I have been to The Volcano!

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: PASTOR AL NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS AND DONATIONS NOW!!

                      Originally posted by napa valley nan View Post
                      ...i have not seen him post here and I have been here a year...


                      Thought you were going to avoid the "wine tastings".

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: PASTOR AL NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS AND DONATIONS NOW!!

                        COME ON BROTHERS AND SISTERS!!!

                        We only have a mere $100,000 so far and this Thread is already getting derailed.

                        Don't you all LOVE JESUS?
                        Don't you all LOVE PASTOR E PISTLE?

                        Doesn't it matter that you risk your Salvation through not pledging your $$?
                        Doesn't it matter that you risk killing our Godly Pastor?

                        Malachi 3:8-10 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.
                        Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation.
                        Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

                        Don't Joo on Jesus, and don't Joo on a Pastor.

                        Sister Talitha

                        Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


                        HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
                        being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: PASTOR AL NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS AND DONATIONS NOW!!

                          Originally posted by Talitha View Post
                          COME ON BROTHERS AND SISTERS!!!

                          We only have a mere $100,000 so far and this Thread is already getting derailed.

                          Don't you all LOVE JESUS?
                          Don't you all LOVE PASTOR E PISTLE?

                          Doesn't it matter that you risk your Salvation through not pledging your $$?
                          Doesn't it matter that you risk killing our Godly Pastor?

                          Malachi 3:8-10 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.
                          Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation.
                          Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

                          Don't Joo on Jesus, and don't Joo on a Pastor.

                          I would never Joo JESUS or our beloved Pastor Al! I'll be locked in my prayer hut all night praying that his precious life is spared and that he will come here A LOT to prove it!

                          Expect a huge tithe from me. I love this man. He is almost like a GOD to me!

                          GLORY!

                          Get better Pappa! The Pearly Gates aren't ready for you!
                          sigpic

                          Tweet me Here
                          My GODLY Bio Here

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: PASTOR AL NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS AND DONATIONS NOW!!

                            Originally posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
                            I would never Joo JESUS or our beloved Pastor Al! I'll be locked in my prayer hut all night praying that his precious life is spared and that he will come here A LOT to prove it!

                            Expect a huge tithe from me. I love this man. He is almost like a GOD to me!

                            GLORY!

                            Get better Pappa! The Pearly Gates aren't ready for you!

                            SEE? SEE???
                            This is what I'm talking about!!

                            God Bless you Sister.

                            God Bless those few who have so far taken the trouble to do so much for the Pastor.

                            I can see the life going out of his body every time I tell him what the latest total now is. The disappointment that his life means so little to those who's Prayers have not been given.
                            The look on his sad old face when he looks back at how much he has done for our Church and it gets thrown back in his face.

                            If he was here now instead of being at his retreat in Hawaii I know what he would say.

                            Are you really that hateful all of you who have so far done nothing?

                            Jesus weeps.

                            Sister Talitha

                            Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


                            HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
                            being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: PASTOR AL NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS AND DONATIONS NOW!!

                              Originally posted by Talitha View Post
                              I can see the life going out of his body every time I tell him what the latest total now is. The disappointment that his life means so little to those who's Prayers have not been given.
                              The look on his sad old face when he looks back at how much he has done for our Church and it gets thrown back in his face.
                              Well i don't want anyone to DIE so I'll send $5.00

                              probably a bottle of our own wine too in the additional if you say where's the address.

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 3 4 template Next
                              Working...
                              X