[Brother Temperance]

Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria

Did you happen to catch the license plate?

Bit irrelevant, no doubt that car'll have been blown up by now.

These Martin brothers disgrace their faith! I hear ol' Pope Benedict has issued a statement condemning the kidnappings and praying for her safe return and that nobody (THAT MEANS YOU TOO, MR. WHITFORD) ever lay a hand on her in anger again.

I hear ol' Pope Benedict's invaded Poland.

I'm just telling him not to do it in anger. He should cool down first, then discipline and love her right away after that.

Wait, what? What kind of a sicko are you? Are you seriously suggesting that Mr. Whitford should attempt to make love to his wife while she's still crying and coughing up blood? Friend, you are weird.

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria

It's been hours. What news?

[JennyD]

Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria

It's been hours. What news?

Nun here.


Oh, wait,I mean NONE here.

Mr. Whitford says he has not heard anything. He has, however, hired a young woman named Leticia to keep house and cook for him. He tells me that she doesn't bruise nearly as easily as Sister M&Ms.

[Jebediah Brimstone]

Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria

I'm afraid the only thing for you to do is go to that convent and get her back...Are you ready, LBC League?

[tLakota]

Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria

He has, however, hired a young woman named Leticia to keep house and cook for him. He tells me that she doesn't bruise nearly as easily as Sister M&Ms.

I thought you people only hit the hired help when they steal or lie? Why would he feel a need to give the woman bruises?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria

I thought you people only hit the hired help when they steal or lie? Why would he feel a need to give the woman bruises?

That's kind of a private question, don't you think? You should know better than to second guess a Man.

[tLakota]

Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria

Sorry...

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria

Mr. Thyme has asked me to relay to you that the services of several of his gorillas associates will be available to you, along with financial support.

[Talitha]

Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria

I thought you people only hit the hired help when they steal or lie? Why would he feel a need to give the woman bruises?

What's with the "you people?" Huh?

You have True Christian(tm) under your name. You should already know that a little correctional discipline never leave bruises harmed anyone.

[JennyD]

Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria

Mr. Thyme has asked me to relay to you that the services of several of his gorillas associates will be available to you, along with financial support.

How wonderful, Sister Justina!

Have him link up with Brother B-J, and he'll coordinate with the US Department of Faith.

What's with the "you people?" Huh?

You have True Christian™ under your name. You should already know that a little correctional discipline never leave bruises harmed anyone.

Indeed! Spare the rod, spoil the slave servant! As Jesus has told us:

Luke 12:47
And that servant, which knew his lord's will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes.

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria

I had heard that Sister MM had had a bit of a tiff with Brother Temperance, and was worried that she might have gone looking for him to settle it in person. So, I'm actually relieved to hear that Sister Mary Maria was abducted by Catholics. Catholics are demon worshippers, and demon worshippers have no power over True Christians(TM).

How could I have thought that Sister MM, good Christian that she is, was capable of such a thing? I'm rather ashamed of myself for thinking such an intemperate thought.

[tLakota]

Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria

What's with the "you people?" Huh?

You have True Christian™ under your name. You should already know that a little correctional discipline never leave bruises harmed anyone.

You actually live in Landover, right? When Brother Remy and I were talking in the soap thread, he said that if I took up a position as hired help in Landover I wouldn't be harmed for simply not cleaning fast enough. I kinda panicked, sorry I jumped to conclusions.

Indeed! Spare the rod, spoil the slave servant!

I didn't think that hired help equated to servant. A servant takes care of the household duties for food, shelter, and a meager allowance. Hired help takes care of your household or other needs for a fee that you discuss before the services are provided. So when you look at it that way, is beating the hired help biblical? I don't wish to derail the thread, so if you want you can send me a private message instead.

[JennyD]

Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria

I didn't think that hired help equated to servant. A servant takes care of the household duties for food, shelter, and a meager allowance. Hired help takes care of your household or other needs for a fee that you discuss before the services are provided. So when you look at it that way, is beating the hired help biblical? I don't wish to derail the thread, so if you want you can send me a private message instead.

http://www.dictionary.net/servant

Servant \Serv"ant\, n. [OE. servant, servaunt, F. servant, a & p. pr. of servir to serve, L. servire. See Serve, and cf. Sergeant.]

1. One who serves, or does services, voluntarily or on compulsion; a person who is employed by another for menial offices, or for other labor, and is subject to his command; a person who labors or exerts himself for the benefit of another, his master or employer; a subordinate helper.

This says nothing about payment arrangements.

A servant may be live-in or otherwise.

Meanwhile, Mr. Whitford told me today that he found Leticia quite charming and efficient, and is considering asking her to stay on permanently as his personal "woman servant".

He is still quite worried about Sister M&Ms, and will be contacting Mr. Thyme and Brother B-J to work out the rescue arrangements.

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria

Mr. Thyme awaits your call. If there is anything I can do, Sister, please let me know.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Please Pray for Sister Mary Maria

Brothers and Sisters, you will be encouraged to learn that Landover Baptist Church is not without influence in India. There is a small outpost of Baptism in the north in the shape of The Baptist Church of Tripura. Unfortunately, this means that our influence on a scale required to locate Sister M&M is restricted to the Northeast of that idolatrous country.
I would ask you to ignore, as communist propaganda, that part of the entry that states

The Left-Front Government have accused the Baptist Church of Tripura of supporting this violent campaign of NLFT by providing funding and arms for the group after an incident in April of 2000,when Nagmanlal Halam, secretary of the Noapara Baptist Church in Tripura, was caught with 50 gelatine sticks, 5 kilograms of potassium and 2 kilograms of sulphur and other ingredients for making explosives to the group. Halam later confessed to buying and supplying explosives to the NLFT for the past two years.
In another incident in August 2003, police arrested the secretary of a Baptist Christian Missionary church in North Tripura District who was in possession of five kg of potassium, one kg sulphur, few gelatin sticks and 45 gm of high explosive materials.

The Baptist Church of Tripura will be able to help as it has contacts with a zealous group of Christians, The National Liberation Front of Tripura who, I am assured refute the accusations in which they are accused thus

Recent investigations, as well as confessions from surrendered members, have revealed that the NLFT have been making and selling pornography to finance their activities. This includes DVDs of pornographic films made by the group with tribal men and women kidnapped and forced to participate in sex acts while being filmed. The movies are dubbed into various languages and sold illegally throughout the region for a profit. The women have also been
sexually abused by NLFT members

The truth is that the NLFT is fighting the heathens at their own game and saving Hindoos from their false religion by the expedient of converting them at gun-point.

There are too many violent acts of the NLFT to list but most involve kidnappings, extortion, mass murders, rapes, bombings and forced gunpoint conversions. NLFT seeks to severe all ties to the indigenous culture and religion of the state. Their militants have been known to shut down Hindu and Buddhist orphanages, hospitals, temples and schools as well as a establishing a ban on Hindi movies. In essence, they are the Christian equivalent of the Taliban.

I would usually denounce this method, but (a) Saved Souls are Saved Souls and (b) the fact that there are 1 Billion Hindoos means that time is of the essence.

I have sent my nephew Zebulun, with $100,000 of my own money, to start negotiations with these people and to offer generous “gifts” of aid to officials of influence. If there are any male members or husbands who wish to accompany, please let me know.

I only pray that Zebulun fares better than his last trip out East when he returned from Bangkok penniless and looking exhausted.