Pray Jesus Reanimates the Grisly Remains of Jahi McMath

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

The McMath's are praying for a miracle. Tens of thousands of dollars will have to be paid, money that would otherwise be wasted on ingrates and freeloaders, to force blood through a bit of gristle in the chest of the hollow shell that was once their daughter, so that Jesus will not feel rushed in performing it.

An international scientific conspiracy propagates the lie that, with zero brain activity, the trembling of formerly human tissue does not constitute life, and that a human soul is not trapped inside of it, yearning with ambition and wanderlust. We as Christians know that this is only an excuse to commit murder. I submit that we should pray that Jesus turns the revolting cadaver of this young girl into a miracle that will usurp the paradigmatic sins of the atheist elite.

Exodus 20:13 tells us not to kill. There are no exceptions made for saving lives. Feeding a starving child is not a miracle, but something anyone with the necessary financial resources can accomplish. If the McMath's pulled the tubes out of the block of meat that used to be their daughter, and reallocated those resources to people whose lives would actually be saved by them, this would be murder. We must continue forcing fluids through this frigid husk until Jesus gets around to resurrecting it!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Pray Jesus Reanimates the Grisly Remains of Jahi McMath

Brother, I am advised that this is a little nigra sow.

I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that it was sodomized until its ears bled by one of her mother's johns.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Pray Jesus Reanimates the Grisly Remains of Jahi McMath

If the McMath's pulled the tubes out of the block of meat that used to be their daughter, and reallocated those resources to people whose lives would actually be saved by them, this would be murder. We must continue forcing fluids through this frigid husk until Jesus gets around to resurrecting it!

How true, Brother Billy Bob. Jesus knows what he is doing. If it were time for the beautiful girl, Jahi, to die, he would not have provided the McMath's with the money to force blood into her veins.

It's obvious Jesus plans to bring her around when He gets time. For now, the McMaths and all of us sending big money to them need to not be guilty of murder by trying to save someone else.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Pray Jesus Reanimates the Grisly Remains of Jahi McMath

Thank you Billy Bob, I have been thinking about this long and hard. Quite frankly, I'm worried about Jahi's aeternal soul. The problem is I don't think baptizing a brain-dead person is any better than baptizing an infant.

Fortunately, I think I've found another way she can be saved, one that wouldn't necessarily have to involve her regaining consciousness.

1 Timothy 2:15

15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

Does anybody here know if the McMath family has a pastor? I think he'd be the one to talk to about getting the ball rolling on this.

[IreneS]

Re: Pray Jesus Reanimates the Grisly Remains of Jahi McMath

Hmm. The child is obviously a bastard. Child's name is Jahi McMath while the mother is Nailah Winkfield.
Deuteronomy 23:2 A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the Lord.
So there is no way there will be a miracle for this bastard.

[Jedediah]

Re: Pray Jesus Reanimates the Grisly Remains of Jahi McMath

Any word on whether she accepted Christ before this happened?

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Pray Jesus Reanimates the Grisly Remains of Jahi McMath

Brother, I am advised that this is a little nigra sow.

I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that it was sodomized until its ears bled by one of her mother's johns.

Since I am all tithed up as always, I am not going to defy the odds and challenge such a likely assumption, brother. I do not have the faith that atheists have.

Do you think that Jesus would resurrect a filthy, disgusting whore? She has probably repented, since her rectum is doubtlessly sealed with rigor mortis by now.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Pray Jesus Reanimates the Grisly Remains of Jahi McMath

Friends, I really think my idea has some merit. Just because her brain doesn't work, that's no reason her womb can't be put to good use, birthing sons for Jesus. I figure a man of means could take on a handmaid or two to help him raise the little tykes.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Pray Jesus Reanimates the Grisly Remains of Jahi McMath

Friends, I really think my idea has some merit. Just because her brain doesn't work, that's no reason her womb can't be put to good use, birthing sons for Jesus. I figure a man of means could take on a handmaid or two to help him raise the little tykes.

Amen. Just toss some hand warmers in there.

[IreneS]

Re: Pray Jesus Reanimates the Grisly Remains of Jahi McMath

But good a real man stand proud if his mother was a vegetable?
"My mother was a carrot. Or was she a brussel sprout?"
I don't think so.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Pray Jesus Reanimates the Grisly Remains of Jahi McMath

But good a real man stand proud if his mother was a vegetable?
"My mother was a carrot. Or was she a brussel sprout?"
I don't think so.

Does it really make all that much of a difference? A brain dead woman and a normal woman are both pretty much at the same end of the daftness spectrum, aren't they?

[Basilissa]

Re: Pray Jesus Reanimates the Grisly Remains of Jahi McMath

Does it really make all that much of a difference? A brain dead woman and a normal woman are both pretty much at the same end of the daftness spectrum, aren't they?

I know a few Godly men who would say that a veggie wife is the best wife - she doesn't talk and doesn't cause any trouble!

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Pray Jesus Reanimates the Grisly Remains of Jahi McMath

Not much good for doing chores of being a helpmeet, though.

[IreneS]

Re: Pray Jesus Reanimates the Grisly Remains of Jahi McMath

I know a few Godly men who would say that a veggie wife is the best wife - she doesn't talk and doesn't cause any trouble!

That may be true, but does a vegetable clean the kitchen? Does she bake a good pie? (Other than being a pie ingredient)

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Pray Jesus Reanimates the Grisly Remains of Jahi McMath

That may be true, but does a vegetable clean the kitchen? Does she bake a good pie? (Other than being a pie ingredient)

I am ambivalent about such a tradeoff. Since I already have one wife stationed in the kitchen, I could use a few vegetables so that my children can incubate contemporaneously. I could create a cubby system out of them.