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  • #226
    Re: Manly Jokes

    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
    Hey! Yea, you! Communist whore! Get the hell out of the MEN's ONLY section of the forum! You may be a joke but you sure aren't manly!
    Piss off, the adults are talking Zekey.

    Comment

    • #227
      Re: Manly Jokes

      Originally posted by Bogdana Alkeav View Post
      Piss off, the adults are talking Zekey.
      Yes we are. So shouldn't you be fetching us a beer?

      Comment

      • #228
        Re: Manly Jokes

        Originally posted by AdamE135 View Post
        Forgive me for using that source, I read it briefly and thought it would provide a good overview of how the devil came to exist. Jewish tradition is not always Christian.
        So I must ask again, where in the BIBLE does it say how the devil came to exist? There is reason to believe, from the Bible, that Satan works for God.

        Does Satan Work For God?

        As for Romans 10:9...I think the point is that if you say 'Jesus is Lord' without it being true in your heart then you will not be saved. What about people who are unable to speak for whatever reason, do you think because they cannot form these words they will not be saved. It is in our heart what matters, if we are unable to say these words but believe in our heart that Jesus is Lord then we will be saved.
        Right. So to be saved, God requires you take him on as your Lord. I guess we're agreed.

        Comment

        • #229
          Re: Manly Jokes

          Originally posted by Bogdana Alkeav View Post
          There is reason to believe, from the Bible, that Satan works for God.
          I would not go as far as saying that Satan works for God. It's more likely that God allows Satan to lure in weak minded people who does not believe in God.
          However as God created everything, He must have created Satan as well. God is also source of all evil, so it could be seen that God is working through Satan to punish people not following His will.

          Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.

          Comment

          • #230
            Re: Manly Jokes

            Originally posted by AdamE135 View Post
            The Bible tells us we are born sinners, we therefore must admit we are sinners. I have asked God to wash away my sins, and so has my wife. We follow Jesus to the best of our ability, however there are times when we sin because we our human, God's grace however still means that these sins are washed away so that I may be clean because Jesus is in my heart.

            You name call by saying I am 'deluded,confused' instead of offering pray and support as a TRUE Christian would.
            Friend, I say those things to get you to open your eyes. You are not doing what God commands. When you die and open your eyes, you will see the piecing stare of Satan and not the warmth of Jesus.
            You cannot simply decide you are purified, you have to follow Gods word. You cannot modify or change it to suit you. Following His word to the best of your ability means nothing. Everyone does not win a prize. Either you succeed and go to Heaven or you fail and go to Hell.
            Did you ever go to school? Did you graduate with honors simply because 'You tried'? Do not be absurd. Either you are a winner or a sinner. There is no middle ground. God does not coddle retards like fluffy bunny false Christians do.
            Praying for you is pointless as you deliberately are mocking God by claiming to know better than Him. We can only help those that want help. I am not going to hold your penis so your aim at Gods sandals is better.
            Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
            Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
            Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
            Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
            Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
            Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

            Comment

            • #231
              Re: Manly Jokes

              OK, back on track:

              Q: What's another word for cocoon?

              A: N-negro.
              sigpic

              Comment

              • #232
                Re: Manly Jokes

                Hey Guys, you know what is funny?



                Women's rights.
                Genesis 4:12: When thou tillest the ground, it shall not henceforth yield unto thee her strength; a fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be in the earth.

                Numbers 35:19: The revenger of blood himself shall slay the murderer: when he meeteth him, he shall slay him.

                Comment

                • #233
                  Re: Manly Jokes

                  I heard this joke from an Eye-talian fella I ran into over in Hong Cong recently. He was staying in the same hotel, we got to chatting, and he shared this joke.

                  Luigi and his cousin Mario were standing on the hills of Italy overlooking the sea.

                  Luigi says to Mario, “Do you see the docks on the edge of the sea? I Luigi built all of those wonderful docks.
                  Do they call me Luigi the dock builder? No.

                  Do you see all of the beautiful ships on the water? I Luigi built those ships.
                  Do they call me Luigi the ship builder? No!

                  Do you see all of the beautiful mansions on the hill? I Luigi built all of those beautiful mansions!
                  Do they call me Luigi the mansion builder? NO!

                  But, you fucka one goat…”
                  Who Will Jesus Damn?

                  Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                  Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                  Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                  Comment

                  • #234
                    Re: Manly Jokes

                    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                    Luigi the Goat-Lover joke
                    Isn't that one of the bonus levels in Super Mario Brothers?
                    Bible boring? Nonsense!
                    Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                    You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                    Comment

                    • #235
                      Re: Manly Jokes

                      A mooslim gets into a taxi in London and says take me to Tower Hamlets.
                      The driver says"Ok" and starts to drive.
                      The mooslim says "Could you please turn off your music because in the time of the prophet there was no western music.?"
                      The taxi driver stops the taxi, gets out and opens the door. The mooslim says "What are you doing?"
                      The taxi driver says"In the time of the prophet there were no taxi's, get out and wait for a fuckin' camel."
                      Isaiah 66:15

                      For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.

                      Comment

                      • #236
                        Re: Manly Jokes

                        Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.

                        Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
                        Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

                        Two days later the three get to the camping site to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire, sitting having a cold beer.

                        "Crap Ron, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

                        "Well, I've been here since last night.
                        Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.

                        She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading 50 Shades of Grey......

                        On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

                        And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

                        So, Here I am!
                        Who Will Jesus Damn?

                        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                        Comment

                        • #237
                          Re: Manly Jokes

                          Who Will Jesus Damn?

                          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                          Comment

                          • #238
                            Re: Manly Jokes

                            Why did NASA send at least one woman on every mission?

                            Because she weighs 150lbs. less than an automatic dishwasher.
                            Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
                            brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
                            ...and get off my lawn
                            sigpic

                            Comment

                            • #239
                              Re: Manly Jokes

                              I don't know if this one has been said yet..

                              Why did the man build his wife a window over the sink?
                              To give her a point of view!
                              James 1:2-4 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

                              Comment

                              • #240
                                Re: Manly Jokes

                                Originally posted by Freddy McGuinness View Post
                                I don't know if this one has been said yet..

                                Why did the man build his wife a window over the sink?
                                To give her a point of view!
                                That's just sick. A man tells a woman what her point of view is!

                                Comment

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