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Silent birth is advocated by Scientologists. It entails those present during the birthing process being as quiet as possible. Why? Because it is a time of pain and distress--any and all words are recorded in the baby's subconscious and can later have a negative impact.
Scientologists, as usual, are wrong, but this time not entirely so. They are one hundred percent correct that the mother should keep her fat yapper shut. The father, on the other hand, if he is a good and Godly man, should be as loud as possible.
Let's face it: the birth of a baby is a disgusting and shameful time.
2 Kings 19:3 "Thus saith Hezekiah, This day [of birth] is a day of trouble, and of rebuke, and blasphemy."
The mother looks like a manatee that's been beaten with a baseball bat. There are bodily juices flying everywhere. And the smell is unbearable. The father's duty is to make everyone realize just how sinful a time it really is.
The father should scream Bible verses at the emerging baby. He should also yell at the mother for spreading her legs immodestly. He might want to point out her stretch marks and comment that she's really let herself go. He should belittle her for getting knocked up in the first place. And, of course, he should make sure that she keeps her mouth shut.
A True Christian© man tenderly threatens to beat his wife and their as yet unborn baby if she so much as makes a peep.
Furthermore, the father would be amiss if he did not admonish the hospital staff, particular the doctor, for looking at his wife's cooter, or "vagina" as the deviants in the medical community are so fond of calling it.
Now, had Scientologists put forward the idea of silent conception I would have been on board. Grunting, moaning, and exclamations of pleasure are positively obscene and should have no part of Christian coupling.
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