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Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos!
Praise Jesus!
It came recently to my attention that there is a product called a "butt-plug" that is apparently used to avoid any contamination of the anal cavity by demonic entities. This is a wonderful invention, because we all know that the principal obstacle to Salvation during these sad times is homosexual gay sex, the unnatural fornication among same-sex males.
1 Timothy 1:10
For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine;
Jesus is Gracious and Merciful (Jonah 4:2). He has many anatomical inventions to prevent the violation of the rectum with the male organ but for the lust-filled generation Y this is not enough. They still wish to experiment with fornication and male-to-male copulation. More drastic measured had to be taken, so Jesus endorsed the design of a physical barrier, not unlike the Wall that will soon arise between the Godly US of A and the Papist Swarm.
The Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Probably the most practical way to prevent penile entry.
Imagine the horrors Sweet Jesus must be experiencing! His feet feel the constant pounding of the penis trying to break through the Wall while His head in buried in the deepest and most revolting recesses of the cesspit that is the gay man's bowel. But there can be no stronger guard against this the secondmost destructive of all sins. Again, Jesus comes to the rescue when the aspiring gay youth has a moment a weakness, just as He promised.
1 Corinthians 10:13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
Jesus will help with this nice product so that you, any sinners who may be reading this, can bear the temptation. Glory! Jesus can keep you from evil!
2 Thessalonians 3:3
But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil.
Of course, no True Christian™ will ever need this but the sinners must be introduced to this device, the Baby Jesus Butt Plug, to help them during the difficult time of Insecurity and Doubt. No demons nor tallywhackers dare enter when Jesus is guarding the Strawberry Gates. In addition, I have discovered that Jesus is not alone. He has recruited quite a few of His Bestest Friends to participate in this Godliest Endeavor of All Times. Mr. Putin has been recruited and he will protect the emerging Christians during the time when Jesus is firmly established in the bowels of a man but some temptations still linger.
Let us thank Mr. Putin for His Good Work. Of course, our own Sweet President Donald Trump did not hesitate to answer God's Call for some Anal Action!
This will give the sinner a nice continuum of Godly Butt Plugs to choose from until the day when He becomes sin-free and can reside forever in Christ! These technological marvels can easily be carried on your person during our street preaching events and distributed to Catholics, Evolutionary proponents, and high school kids. They will find that the Real Pleasure™ is in Christ!
Isaiah 41:10
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
It came recently to my attention that there is a product called a "butt-plug" that is apparently used to avoid any contamination of the anal cavity by demonic entities. This is a wonderful invention, because we all know that the principal obstacle to Salvation during these sad times is homosexual gay sex, the unnatural fornication among same-sex males.
1 Timothy 1:10
For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine;
Jesus is Gracious and Merciful (Jonah 4:2). He has many anatomical inventions to prevent the violation of the rectum with the male organ but for the lust-filled generation Y this is not enough. They still wish to experiment with fornication and male-to-male copulation. More drastic measured had to be taken, so Jesus endorsed the design of a physical barrier, not unlike the Wall that will soon arise between the Godly US of A and the Papist Swarm.
The Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Probably the most practical way to prevent penile entry.
Imagine the horrors Sweet Jesus must be experiencing! His feet feel the constant pounding of the penis trying to break through the Wall while His head in buried in the deepest and most revolting recesses of the cesspit that is the gay man's bowel. But there can be no stronger guard against this the secondmost destructive of all sins. Again, Jesus comes to the rescue when the aspiring gay youth has a moment a weakness, just as He promised.
1 Corinthians 10:13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
Jesus will help with this nice product so that you, any sinners who may be reading this, can bear the temptation. Glory! Jesus can keep you from evil!
2 Thessalonians 3:3
But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil.
Of course, no True Christian™ will ever need this but the sinners must be introduced to this device, the Baby Jesus Butt Plug, to help them during the difficult time of Insecurity and Doubt. No demons nor tallywhackers dare enter when Jesus is guarding the Strawberry Gates. In addition, I have discovered that Jesus is not alone. He has recruited quite a few of His Bestest Friends to participate in this Godliest Endeavor of All Times. Mr. Putin has been recruited and he will protect the emerging Christians during the time when Jesus is firmly established in the bowels of a man but some temptations still linger.
Let us thank Mr. Putin for His Good Work. Of course, our own Sweet President Donald Trump did not hesitate to answer God's Call for some Anal Action!
This will give the sinner a nice continuum of Godly Butt Plugs to choose from until the day when He becomes sin-free and can reside forever in Christ! These technological marvels can easily be carried on your person during our street preaching events and distributed to Catholics, Evolutionary proponents, and high school kids. They will find that the Real Pleasure™ is in Christ!
Isaiah 41:10
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
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