Fighting the Urge

[Esther Pounds]

As most of you know, I am but a meek ex-papal, ex-gay altar boy who passed Betty Bowers' BASH Ministry course with flying colors.

But as I sit here, all alone (well, Jesus is with me) I get the urge to seek out male company. How do I avoid sinning and resisting temptation? Do I rebuke Satan and men all together? Or do I submit to the carnal pleasures of feeling a hairy-chested, well-built, muscular male up against my perfectly shaped body?

Help me, please. I don't want to be a back slider!

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: Fighting the Urge

Help me, please. I don't want to be a back slider!

We don't want that either! My advice to you is, when tempted by the lure of well-honed homo flesh, lock yourself in your prayer closet and close your eyes. In your mind's eye, picture JESUS descending on a cloud, His blond hair flowing, His piercing blue eyes gazing lovingly at you. As He alights from His cloud, He steps towards you with His muscular arms open, and embraces you; a very special hug which lasts For All Eternity.

Keep your eyes on the prize, dear.

[Esther Pounds]

Re: Fighting the Urge

In your mind's eye, picture JESUS descending on a cloud, His blond hair flowing......

Thank you! This is actually an excellent visual for me because I detest men with mullets or hair longer than ear lobe's length. And really? Who wants to think of the Almighty in a perverted way when the poor dear has holes in his hands?

I applaud and thank you, Mrs. Rogers!

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: Fighting the Urge

And really? Who wants to think of the Almighty in a perverted way when the poor dear has holes in his hands?

I couldn't agree more -- Christ's holey hands are a perve-deterrent. Praise! However, I have heard from many a Pastor here that they like to picture Jesus having very big hands. One can barely see the holes; tiny pricks upon Christ's manly hands.

[Levi Jones]

Re: Fighting the Urge

I couldn't agree more -- Christ's holey hands are a perve-deterrent. Praise! However, I have heard from many a Pastor here that they like to picture Jesus having very big hands. One can barely see the holes; tiny pricks upon Christ's manly hands.

Praise Jesus, Sister Gertrude. If I may add.

it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.

[Halleluyah Rob]

Re: Fighting the Urge

Help me, please. I don't want to be a back slider!

Steer clear of:

• Any tube-shaped food: (Cucumbers, Twinkies, etc.)
• Calvin Klein Magazines
• The Beach
• Testicles

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Fighting the Urge

This discussion is SO difficult to understand.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Fighting the Urge

Aversion therapy is the pathway to a healthy lifestyle. Every time you have an unholy thought, stab yourself in the groin with a large hat-pin. Your desires should leave you after a year or so.

[Esther Pounds]

Re: Fighting the Urge

Every time you have an unholy thought, stab yourself in the groin with a large hat-pin. Your desires should leave you after a year or so.

Since giving up my homosexual ways, I've discarded all hat and bobby pins. Will a steak knife do the trick just as well? I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be right with God!

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Fighting the Urge

As most of you know, I am but a meek ex-papal, ex-gay altar boy who passed Betty Bowers' BASH Ministry course with flying colors.

But as I sit here, all alone (well, Jesus is with me) I get the urge to seek out male company. How do I avoid sinning and resisting temptation? Do I rebuke Satan and men all together? Or do I submit to the carnal pleasures of feeling a hairy-chested, well-built, muscular male up against my perfectly shaped body?

Help me, please. I don't want to be a back slider!

Son, as an Ex-Gay© myself, I understand your dilemma. If you would like, I could meet with you for some private counseling. I find that fighting back homo desires is easier when done with a like minded Christian or group of Christians.

Do you know any other ex-gay youths like yourself that would be open to fellowshipping with us?

[Esther Pounds]

Re: Fighting the Urge

Do you know any other ex-gay youths like yourself that would be open to fellowshipping with us?

I could probably round us up a few altar boys and then some. Where would we meet? Could we hold prayer circles and pick a pivot man to read scripture?

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Fighting the Urge

I could probably round us up a few altar boys and then some. Where would we meet? Could we hold prayer circles and pick a pivot man to read scripture?

I will send you a PM when I can set something up. Just make sure that all of the young men are confirmed ex-gays and of legal age. We have had some issues in the past with Catholic parents complaining about our efforts to save their sons from the fires of Hell.

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: Fighting the Urge

I will send you a PM when I can set something up. Just make sure that all of the young men are confirmed ex-gays and of legal age. We have had some issues in the past with Catholic parents complaining about our efforts to save their sons from the fires of Hell.

You are such a dedicated True Christian™ Professor. I have heard the moans of Christian Love waft up out of the encampment you have set up in the timber at Freehold. I often marvel at how many wayward youth that you save. I have on occasion even seen bodies writhing in worship of our Lord in the light of the campfire.

[Esther Pounds]

Re: Fighting the Urge

I have heard the moans of Christian Love waft up out of the encampment you have set up in the timber at Freehold

All that moaning will be just as if I never left the confession booth!