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  • #1

    By the Grace of God, I have learnt proper grammar to please my Husband.

    As some of you may know from my previous thread, Sweet Baby Jesus had previously cursed me with horrendous grammar as a wage for my former lustrous, sinful past riddled with beastiality. But by his Every Lasting Mercy, and by the Holiest Love of Mr. Johnston (Master of Mrs. Elizabeth Johnston), I have rebuked my transgression.(Matthew 7:7)

    I possess the greatest remorse for Mr. Johnston and what he has suffered at my hands during my stay. My hourly beatings nearly broke his precious paddle (the same one he had used on Mrs. Johnston at their honeymoon) in two, not to mention that the filthy blood of my buttocks stained his loving, Godly hands red.

    My Master, Mr. Truth, is greatly pleased by the results. Mr Truth being the True Genius that he is, my improper way of speech was very much insulting to him. He became frustrated when I was unable to answer to his words in proper English, the language of King James. Now when he beats me, my "Amens" ring out loud and clear like the trumpets of Heaven. My Husband extends his utmost gratitude to Mr. Johnston (in the form of a $500K check).

    Signed with the Blood of Christ,

    Sister Truth per Mr. Truth
    Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

    1 Timothy 2:12 - But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
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  • #2
    Re: By the Grace of God, I have learnt proper grammar to please my Husband.

    Your husband let another man correct you?

    What are you, a Methodist or something?

    Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: By the Grace of God, I have learnt proper grammar to please my Husband.

      Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
      Your husband let another man correct you?

      What are you, a Methodist or something?

      Hello Sister,

      I am quite the stubborn woman, and my Dear Master has had so much on his plate, with work, and rearing our 9 sons, that I proved too much for him to handle.

      I beg of you to extend contempt upon me, lest not be my Master Mr. Truth.

      In the Blood of Christ,

      Sister Truth per Mr. Truth
      Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

      1 Timothy 2:12 - But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: By the Grace of God, I have learnt proper grammar to please my Husband.

        As they say in the vernacular in the frozen northern parts of my country, Sister Mary, "We've got a right one here".

        Originally posted by Sister Truth View Post
        As some of you may know from my previous thread,
        (If anyone remembers it, which I doubt...)

        Sweet Baby Jesus had previously cursed me with horrendous grammar as a wage for my former lustrous, sinful past riddled with beastiality. But by his Every Lasting Mercy, and by the Holiest Love of Mr. Johnston (Master of Mrs. Elizabeth Johnston), I have rebuked my transgression.(Matthew 7:7)
        "Mr Johnston" (whoever he may be - are you perhaps confusing him with Mr Johnson, husband of Elizabeth Johnson?) doesn't seem to have done much to improve your spelling or correct usage of vocabulary. Do you perhaps suffer from malapropism?

        Mr Truth being the True Genius that he is
        And yet, and yet ... he married you.

        But welcome back, dear, whoever you are.
        Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: By the Grace of God, I have learnt proper grammar to please my Husband.

          Originally posted by Sister Truth View Post
          Hello Sister,

          I am quite the stubborn woman, and my Dear Master has had so much on his plate, with work, and rearing our 9 sons, that I proved too much for him to handle.

          I beg of you to extend contempt upon me, lest not be my Master Mr. Truth.

          In the Blood of Christ,

          Sister Truth per Mr. Truth
          This is most alarming, dear. Perhaps your husband is a [no so secret] homer, and not only is unwilling and unable to discipline his wife, he secretly wishes Mr. Johnson spanked him instead. If I were you dear, I'd start praying for his salvation. And testicles to drop.
          Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: By the Grace of God, I have learnt proper grammar to please my Husband.

            Originally posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
            As they say in the vernacular in the frozen northern parts of my country, Sister Mary, "We've got a right one here".



            (If anyone remembers it, which I doubt...)



            "Mr Johnston" (whoever he may be - are you perhaps confusing him with Mr Johnson, husband of Elizabeth Johnson?) doesn't seem to have done much to improve your spelling or correct usage of vocabulary. Do you perhaps suffer from malapropism?



            And yet, and yet ... he married you.

            But welcome back, dear, whoever you are.
            Hello Sister,

            I pray that no one shall remember my horrible, sin saturated thread (1 John 3:6), as it is an abomination for God's Favorite Forum to contain such blasphemy. My Master has noticed that I have improperly addressed a man, and I have received my much deserved bloodshed for this sin.

            Signed with the Blood of Christ,

            Sister Truth per Mr Truth
            Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

            1 Timothy 2:12 - But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: By the Grace of God, I have learnt proper grammar to please my Husband.

              Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
              This is most alarming, dear. Perhaps your husband is a [no so secret] homer, and not only is unwilling and unable to discipline his wife, he secretly wishes Mr. Johnson spanked him instead. If I were you dear, I'd start praying for his salvation. And testicles to drop.
              Hello Sister,

              I humbly ask for your advice. Clearly I am not one to question my husband's ways (1 Corinthians 14:34), but is it sinful for me to pray to the Lord for judgement of his sin?
              Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

              1 Timothy 2:12 - But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: By the Grace of God, I have learnt proper grammar to please my Husband.

                What a colossal headcluck, sons who masturbate and a homer husband. I hope you fine ladies can help this soul.
                Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: By the Grace of God, I have learnt proper grammar to please my Husband.

                  Originally posted by Sister Truth View Post

                  My Husband extends his utmost gratitude to Mr. Johnston (in the form of a $500K check).

                  You have been cheated, woman. For a payment of $500, I would expect some kind of improvement in your usage, structure, punctuation, grammar and just about everything else.

                  You speak God's American like a Romanian Gypsy.
                  God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: By the Grace of God, I have learnt proper grammar to please my Husband.

                    Mrs. Truth, I can't make heads or tails of your yammering. Are you here to praise Jesus, or do you just plan to talk about yourself until every man here has an ear ache as bad as your husband's?
                    WARNING:
                    In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                    REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: By the Grace of God, I have learnt proper grammar to please my Husband.

                      Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                      Mrs. Truth, I can't make heads or tails of your yammering. Are you here to praise Jesus, or do you just plan to talk about yourself until every man here has an ear ache as bad as your husband's?
                      Probably the latter, Brother FM. I suppose it's her husband's doing - he probably sends her here to avoid her yapping.
                      God created fossils to test our faith.

                      * * *

                      My favorite LBC sermons:
                      True Christians are Perfect!
                      True Christian™ Love.
                      Salvation™ made Easy!
                      You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
                      Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
                      Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
                       Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
                      Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
                      The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
                      Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
                      God HATES Rational Thinking!
                      True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

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