[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners!

Get thee hence, thee scion of a cross-eyed Moabite, lest I call down Holy Fire from Heaven upon thee, and thy house, and even unto eight-tenths of thy cattle, and yea, thy ten-speed bicycle!

Call down whatever bogus fire you wish, bhaal worshipper!
Like your priests before you, you will fail miserably against the power of God!

Your false gods couldn't light a match!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners!

Get thee hence, thee scion of a cross-eyed Moabite, lest I call down Holy Fire from Heaven upon thee, and thy house, and even unto eight-tenths of thy cattle, and yea, thy ten-speed bicycle!

Friend,

If you are so close to the Almighty were is your name on the Landover tithing records? You can not be close to Jesus and not tithe to Landover. It is impossible.

[SONODOG, jr.]

Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners!

The Godless natives of the island of Krakatoa said the very same Satan-inspired words to my great great grandfather, who was a tireless missionary for the Word many years ago, SalvationSeeker!

They say the blast was heard all the way to pagan, Hellbound England, and the Sun shone red with the blood of sinners for many a month after that Holy Fire erupted!

Tempt not my Wrath, for it is of the Holy Spirit, and has been measured at 2,666 degrees on the upraight and God-approved Fahrenheit scale!

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners!

Is it satan who made you this confused and deluded? Or is it drugs??
In any case, you owe Jesus an apology for mocking Him! RIGHT NOW!

REPENT!
THE LORD WILL NOT BE MOCKED!

[SONODOG, jr.]

Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners!

If you see a lord being Mocked, SalvationShirker, then you have placed your faith in THE WRONG LORD!

Yea, Satan, that old serpent, has fooled YOU as surely as he fooled Eve! For you lust after STRANGE DESIRES, and unless you HEED MY WORDS and Repent yourself of this Satanic Doctrine of Pre-Tribulation Post-Mortem Pre-Destined Free-or-half-off Will, you will SPEND ETERNITY pleasuring the basest of Hell's countless minions!

Of course, that thought may well cause a STRIRRING
IN YOUR LOINS, and if that is the case then BURN HOMER BURN!

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners!

You seem to think Jesus is someone you can joke about?
Trust me, you're going to regret it!

I'm not playing any games, and neither is Jesus:
Repent or burn in hell.
TURN! -OR- BURN!

[SONODOG, jr.]

Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners!

Let those Scales of Satan fall away from your eyes, oh SalvationSucker, and show me WHERE I HAVE MOCKED JESUS?

You CAN NOT, for I HAVE NOT! What you see is the MOCKERY that is your so-called faith, which reminds me of Scripture, to wit:

2 Peter 2:10

But chiefly them that walk after the flesh in the lust of uncleanness, and despise government. Presumptuous are they, selfwilled, they are not afraid to speak evil of dignities.

Ha! Does that make you KICK against the PRICK (get your mind out of the gutter, SINNER!)?

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners!

Can you stop playing games already, sodomite?
Answer me this instead, WHY DO YOU HATE JESUS?

HE TEMPORARILY DIED FOR YOUR SINS, STOP BEING SO UNGRATEFUL!!!

[SONODOG, jr.]

Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners!

You have sealed your own Hellish fate, SalvationSneaker! Jesus HIMSELF, in ALL HIS GLORY, will punch you RIGHT IN YOUR UNHOLY CAKE-HOLE for the Evils you have spoken against me today!

Yea, the Wrath shall fall upon you, and how! You shall be as like unto the cursed in this passage from Joshua, hight 9:23 --

Now therefore ye are cursed, and there shall none of you be freed from being bondmen, and hewers of wood and drawers of water for the house of my God.

So go fetch me my slippers, my pipe, and my l;atest copy of the Betty Bowers Christian Women's Lingerie Catalog, that's a good accursed Hellspawn.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners!

I see that the creeping scourge of rampant liberalism has infected every part of the body of Landover Baptist Church. I should probably spew you out of my mouth as one would do a spoiled shrimp or a Presbyterian, but I am moved to mercy, and so I shall stay, in the hope that the Good God Almighty will use me as a Tool of Reproach(tm) and a mighty Instrument of Instruction(patent pending) so that the heathen of Landeover Baptist might come unto repepntance and thus be saved.

I resent that. I'm a liberal, and your saying these True Christians™ are liberals is an insult. An insult I say!
And your spelling, sir, is truly dreadful. Truly, truly dreadful.

[SONODOG, jr.]

Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners!

As a suspected Witch, Miss Hellbound -- er, Van Helsing, you have more pressing points to ponder than my own alleged failures to spell the Mighty Words O' God correctly!

And what, pray tell, do you mean when you say you are a 'liberal?' May I take this to mean that you expect your husband to occasionally fetch his own socks, or to allow you twice-yearly trips into town for supplies and fresh flour-bags from which to sew modest garb?

I warn thee, Witch -- cast not thy wiles upon me, for I am well-versed in the Ways of the Wicked, and I have an ear for the Tongue of Satan!

Nice to meet you, by the way. One might even say it is MERRY to MEET you, were one not of course dealing with a member of a Hellbound Satanic cult.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners!

When I say I am a liberal, I mean I am a LIBERAL, I am a supporter of women's rights, religious equality, equality in general, I support abortion, gay rights, I hope for world peace, I support environmentalists, I want to keep intelligent design out of schools, I can't stand GWB, all that good stuff.

And my husband does fetch his own socks and I go into 'town' every day to work, and I use flour sacks for flour....not clothing.

Yes, I am a pagan and a liberal. A happy one too.

And these landoverites are no liberals. We liberals aren't too happy about being likened to staunch republicans. No more than those staunch republicans enjoy being likened to liberals.

[SONODOG, jr.]

Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners!

I am aghast.

The trips to town I could perhaps overlook, but -- women's rights? An abomination! Next, you'll be wanting to VOTE, and I daresay you would easily be tempted, by Satan of course, to vote as a Godless Democrat!

Fie, woman! Is it not enough that you were deceived by Satan, and had Man turned out of Paradise? Now, must you paint your face with all manner of brash, come-hither Satanic cosmetics and question the God-given authority of man as your master?

I know your type! You are so bold as to flash a slice of comely ankle at an innocent youth, the better to inflame his base Lusts and lead him, once again, into Temptation's Deadly Snare!

That said, how did you find this place, and how have you managed to remain un-stoned for so long among the Righteous and the Faithful?

[Dameon_ACLUtard]

Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners!

You're a dumbass.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners!

Yes, I am a pagan and a liberal. A happy one too.

Depraved cannibalistic, blood soaked goat worshiping bacchanals at midnight in the forest do that to people in the short term.