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  • Hello

    Hello! My name is Magnus allen a representative from the league of shadows , a Christian emo killing mercenary group. Our role in Christ is to dispose of emos who have rejected God, so that they may suffer brimstone for eternity without transforming any other lambs of God into Satanists like themselves.

    With that said, we are looking for a worthwhile employer. Jesus has told me that our previous employers were shams secretly working with the Church of Satan, so we have disposed of them. We hope that Landover would like to employ us.

  • #2
    Re: Hello

    A directly plagiarized introduction? Thought I'd seen everything here from the dregs the 'net plops out for our amusement, but that plumbs new lows of effort and imagination.

    Don't you realize that Landover already has all the witchhunters they'll ever need, and they don't need to pay them? They actually pay for the privilege themselves, through "permits" and stuff from the Church.


    Maybe the Mormons will be stupid enough to fall for that crap (hell, they fell for Mormonism to begin with), so why not go bother them for a while?

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    • #3
      Re: Hello

      Originally posted by magnus allen View Post
      Hello! My name is Magnus allen a representative from the league of shadows , a Christian emo killing mercenary group. Our role in Christ is to dispose of emos who have rejected God, so that they may suffer brimstone for eternity without transforming any other lambs of God into Satanists like themselves.

      With that said, we are looking for a worthwhile employer. Jesus has told me that our previous employers were shams secretly working with the Church of Satan, so we have disposed of them. We hope that Landover would like to employ us.
      Hello, sweetie, and to our Godly forum!

      Unfortunately for you, Landover Baptist Church is in USA, which has legislation that frowns upon that sort of things.

      Hebrews 13:17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

      In which country do you reside? I have not heard of a country where such actions would be allowed by law?
      God created fossils to test our faith.

      * * *

      My favorite LBC sermons:
      True Christians are Perfect!
      True Christian™ Love.
      Salvation™ made Easy!
      You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
      Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
      Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
      Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
      Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
      The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
      Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
      God HATES Rational Thinking!
      True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

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      • #4
        Re: Hello

        Originally posted by Didymus Much View Post
        A directly plagiarized introduction? Thought I'd seen everything here from the dregs the 'net plops out for our amusement, but that plumbs new lows of effort and imagination.

        Don't you realize that Landover already has all the witchhunters they'll ever need, and they don't need to pay them? They actually pay for the privilege themselves, through "permits" and stuff from the Church.


        Maybe the Mormons will be stupid enough to fall for that crap (hell, they fell for Mormonism to begin with), so why not go bother them for a while?

        Any True Christian™ would know that we are bound by the Bible (KJV1611), and when it comes to directly funding mercenaries to kill "Emo Christians" we would no doubt run into some kind of problems with Romans 13.

        Emo Christians are offensive, obnoxious, and Jesus really has no use for them - but they pose little threat to the rest of us and the worst that they can do is harm themselves (a "problem" that would seem to take care of itself). In terms of priorities, the mooselimbs are the real problem at the moment - and I'm sure that the Syrian government could use some help, along with Putin and the Russians that are giving them a hand. The big problem here is that if you kill off ISIS you still have mooselimbs left - just a different kind.

        Other than trolling the internet from their parent's basement, they might have some skills at playing video games. I might check in with the Godly American Military to see if those skills could be put to use as drone pilots - that is if they are old enough.
        Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
        brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
        ...and get off my lawn
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