Sinner on board

[ThatGeekOwen]

Good evening ladies, gentlemen, androgynous and asexual people of the Landover Baptist Church.


Serendipity seems to have sent me to you, as I (quite by accident) came across the lovely @MrsPaddyMcIrish on the Twitterlands.


It may meet with disapproval, but I run an account called @TakeThatLGBT where I engage in debate with people who oppose homosexuality. Today, for example, I have been conversing with people who are really, Really, REALLY annoyed that the character of Elsa from the Disney movie "Frozen" may emerge to be a lesbian in the sequel. They are quite vocal in their opposition to such an idea as they feel that the LGBT community are trying to force the Gay down their throats. Repeatedly. Until The Gay erupts and infects them with a more refined fashion sense and a love of Xena: Warrior Princess.


After a few, brief, moments with Mrs McIrish I was compelled to start my journey to salvation, so here I am. Ready and willing to receive Jesus.


Oh, and I'm a 40 year old white guy from England. Divorced. 2 kids. 2 gerbils. Collect comics and love anything geek related.


My favourite Bible verse is 2 Kings 2:23-25, because it escalates really quickly.


Please don't burn me.

[Basilissa]

Re: Sinner on board

Hello and to the Godliest forum on the internet!

It is such a pleasure to finally see a newcomer posting a proper Godly introduction!

You seem like a fine and upstanding young man, Owen! I hope that you accept Jesus very soon!

[Des]

Re: Sinner on board

You poor, poor soul. Gay enabler? Divorced? Gerbils? Comic books? British? So many strikes against you.

But God is all powerful, and even more degenerate men than you have found redemption through His grace.

Edited to add: I am unfamiliar with Disney productions, as everything they produce is edited in hell and edited through Satan's backside. Is Frozen a glimpse into the life of a woman who has chosen to reject God and become a lesbian who discovers she is frigid with disgust at her deathstyle choice? And Warrior Princess? Ridiculous! Women can't fight.

[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

Re: Sinner on board

Praise GOD, Brother Owen! After meeting you on the Twitter, I am delighted that you've come to the Fold of our friendly forums and are ready to reject sin.

Gerbils?? Egads! Be careful; I have heard that Satan uses those little varmints to infect the rectum with demons and turn people to the gaywise deathstyle.

But anyway, and thank you for joining us. I just know we will become fast and intimate friends for the LORD!

[Roland]

Re: Sinner on board

[...]

Oh, and I'm a 40 year old white guy from England. Divorced. 2 kids. 2 gerbils. Collect comics and love anything geek related.
[...]
Please don't burn me.

Hello ThatGeekOwen,

Welcome to this forum. You could fit right in, just be so kind to tell us what church you attend to and how you came to find Christ (or didn´t). The Christians™ on this forum probably would like to know. To my best understanding this also means you have to confess your sins, all of them, in detail (James 5:16). Feel free to share.

Kind regards,

Roland

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Sinner on board

I'm confused. You're ready and willing to receive Jesus... through telling everyone He's a Big, Fat, Liar whose Word is naught but a steaming pile of feces?

[ThatGeekOwen]

Re: Sinner on board

Thank you both. With Jesus' help I will be rid of this atheist affliction. I feel like my life has no purpose or meaning. As if my mere existence is the result of my parents bumping ugglies in a Grimsby back alley after too many pints of bitter.


I'm here to learn, change and become a better person.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Sinner on board

Edited to add: I am unfamiliar with Disney productions, as everything they produce is edited in hell and edited through Satan's backside. Is Frozen a glimpse into the life of a woman who has chosen to reject God and become a lesbian who discovers she is frigid with disgust at her deathstyle choice? And Warrior Princess? Ridiculous! Women can't fight.

Brother, I too would be unfamiliar with this story 'twere it not for Brother Bjorn Jensen's fine, courageous expose on the very threat: Disney's Frozen - an orgy of sex.

[Basilissa]

Re: Sinner on board

Thank you both. With Jesus' help I will be rid of this atheist affliction. I feel like my life has no purpose or meaning. As if my mere existence is the result of my parents bumping ugglies in a Grimsby back alley after too many pints of bitter.


I'm here to learn, change and become a better person.

I do hope so, dear. I have been looking over some of your posts on the Twitter and I am a bit concerned about your prospects of Salvation(tm). I do hope that your new enthusiasm for Jesus and the Holy Bible is sincere. You would not believe how many people come here only pretending to be Christians. Personally I do not understand what kind of a lowlife a person has to be to do that, but I guess, what else can you expect from filthy atheists?

[ThatGeekOwen]

Re: Sinner on board

Do I get points for being a minister for the Church of Dudeism?


Mrs. McIrish... how could I resist your eloquent and reasoned responses to my naïve and juvenile arguments for inclusion and respect. I fear you are my Moriarty.


Des... Calling an Englishman "British" is like calling a Canadian "American".


Roland... Thank you for the welcome. I attend the Church of IDIC (Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations) every Tuesday at 6pm on BBC2. My sins are too numerous to mention, although I am currently drinking vodka and Irn Bru on a school night.


Mary... can a man not have a moment of clarity and realise he may be wrong? Surely I can be forgiven for my crusade of equality?


Peace be with you.

[Basilissa]

Re: Sinner on board

Do I get points for being a minister for the Church of Dudeism?

Religion is no joking matter, dear!

Des... Calling an Englishman "British" is like calling a Canadian "American".

Ehem.

Dear, I would like to kindly remind you that we have a pecking order on this forum.

True Christian Pastors
True Christian Men <--------- That's Des
True Christian Women
Forum Members
Weasels (including the charred remains of Des' weasel in Large Hadron Collider)
Fruit flies
Dust mites
Lint
Unsaved Trash <----------- That's you.

Try to have a little bit more respect for your betters, dear.

Mary... can a man not have a moment of clarity and realise he may be wrong? Surely I can be forgiven for my crusade of equality?

As long as 1) you start attending a real church, and 2) you have not blasphemed against the Holy Ghost - that's the one sin that is unforgivable:

Matthew 12:32 And whosoever speaketh a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but whosoever speaketh against the Holy Ghost, it shall not be forgiven him, neither in this world, neither in the [world] to come.

[ThatGeekOwen]

Re: Sinner on board

I sincerely apologise, Basilissa, to both you and Des. I overstepped my mark. Please forgive me, for I am still learning the ways of the LBC.


Unfortunately it has been a few years since I last went to church and am unsure which I should attend. Are the Catholics okay?

[Des]

Re: Sinner on board

Des... Calling an Englishman "British" is like calling a Canadian "American".

Well what do they want to be called, then? Tea slurping queen huggers? Or is it a racist thing like the Negroes calling their own kind niggers but showing they are intolerant racists whenever another race adopts their vernacular?

[Des]

Re: Sinner on board

Are the Catholics okay?

[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

Re: Sinner on board

Are the Catholics okay?

Nooooooo!

As a former Mary-hailing, bead juggling, wafer-munching Papist, I can tell you definitively that Catholicism is a FALSE religion and it is not okay!

God will send those idolaters (including Mr. McIrish, if he doesn't repent) straight to Hell! Exodus 20:3