Please help

[IsaiahInChrist]

Hello Brothers (and Sisters, if you were doomed to the right and true life of slavery that is the female species) in Christ:

My name is Isaiah (not my true name, but I was told by god to never reveal my name online, where the godless trash may find it and send sodomites to destroy me with their devil following ways.)


I am lucky to be able to attend Westboro Baptist Church, god's only true church, free from the perversion of the sodomites.


My favorite bible verse is 2 Corinthians 1:8 (KJV):
For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of our trouble which came to us in Asia, that we were pressed out of measure, above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life.


This verse exposes the troubles of asia, with its false gods and idols, for which they will surely burn in hell. Amen.


I was lucky to be raised in a god-fearing household, with good Baptist parents and a fully heterosexual family. (Excepting my cousin: he was a vile sodomite of the devil, and was expelled from our pure family.) However, recently I have fallen victim to Satan, and have begun to feel threatened by the evils of Science and "Logic," as the demonic atheists call it. May they burn in the fires of hell for all eternity.




I have been taught about gravity, the "spherical earth," and other terrible, godless "theories" which have been proven to have been perpetrated by the godless sodomites. However, I try to push these impure thoughts out of my mind, and they will not go.


Please, brothers, help me. I need godly advice. Please.

[Samuel Levenson]

Re: Please help

I am lucky to be able to attend Westboro Baptist Church...

That so-called congregation of inbred yokels couldn't lead a ball downhill, let alone lead a sinner to salvation.

1 John 3:9 tells us

9 Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.

In a nutshell, True Christians don't sin. Period. Anyone you have ever known who claimed to be a "backslider" or "not perfect but forgiven" was full of hooey. They were never really saved in the first place.

Westboro Baptist Church is well known for it's members leaving, when the Bible specifically commands them to stay.

"Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching." - Hebrews 10:25

Furthermore, the Bible tells us to cut off nonbelievers and sinners and to be IN NO WAY associated with them.

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? - 2 Corinthians 6:14

Instead of legally and financially disowning their own children, the liberal pansies at Westboro Baptist still have the same last names as their Hell-bound children. That's the closest form of association! Instead of filing for injunctive relief in court every time someone mentions them together, those cherry-picking vipers at Westboro are more than happy to associate themselves with their harlot, church-forsaking daughters.

I know what you're thinking: "What kind of parent would disown their own child?" Remember that Abraham was commanded by God to kill his son and he would have if not for that errand-boy angel who told him to stop. How much less is expected of those with rebellious children? They're just lucky we're not stoning them per Deuteronomy 21:18-21.

So tell me, friend. How can a so-called "church" whose members won't even disown their own children bring you closer to Jesus? In the words of that famous Negro lawyer: "it does not make sense."

[Des]

Re: Please help

Westboro Baptist? Mercy me! I hope you've broken free from the grip of that ultra-left wing mockery of a church that urinates on the face of baby Jesus and uses shredded Bibles for toilet tissue by having a female 'pastor'

1 Timothy 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

Real Baptists only let women near the pulpit to dust.

[FranklinAndPearl]

Re: Please help

Hello, idiot. Franklin here.

Is there a reason why you are not capitalizing the 'G' in God? Numerous times you decided to spit in the LORD's face.


After all, God comes first. Philippians 4:13


Regards, Franklin.

[IsaiahInChrist]

Re: Please help

My greatest apologies, dear brothers, for my shortcomings. May the LORD merciful reprimand me for my sins.

I attended the congregation at Westboro in my childhood, but fleed that evil liberal congregation for Windsor Baptist Church. Praise GOD, Amen.


In Christ,
Isaiah

[Basilissa]

Re: Please help

I am lucky to be able to attend Westboro Baptist Church, god's only true church, free from the perversion of the sodomites.

I attended the congregation at Westboro in my childhood, but fleed that evil liberal congregation for Windsor Baptist Church. Praise GOD, Amen.

Your childhood was yesterday? What are you, a moth or something?

[Roland]

Re: Please help

Your childhood was yesterday? What are you, a moth or something?

Hello Basilissa,

Perhaps an Ephemeroptera?



Kind regards,

Roland

[Basilissa]

Re: Please help

Hello Basilissa,

Perhaps an Ephemeroptera?

Possibly. (I suppose the short life cycle would explain why it stopped posting already).

[IsaiahInChrist]

Re: Please help

No, I simply made a mistake in saying which congregation I currently attend. I used to attend Westboro and now attend Windsor, in Pennsylvania.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Please help

No, I simply made a mistake in saying which congregation I currently attend. I used to attend Westboro and now attend Windsor, in Pennsylvania.

That's like making a mistake about whether you're a boy or a girl. Say, why don't you come clean, tell us why you really hate Jesus, and which disgusting sin you're addicted to makes you cry and piss yourself at night? Many people find confession soothes the weary soul. Jesus tells us it's a step in the right direction to becoming Saved! Wouldn't you like that? Wouldn't you love to stop hating yourself, and love Jesus, who tells you who to be, instead?

[IsaiahInChrist]

Re: Please help

I have a confession to make. I am actually a practicing Zen Buddhist.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Please help

I have a confession to make. I am actually a practicing Zen Buddhist.

Then why are you here?

[FranklinAndPearl]

Re: Please help

I have a confession to make. I am actually a practicing Zen Buddhist.

So you have just been lying this entire time to us, and to God? The fourth of your silly "precepts" for Buddhism is to not lie. So you are on the path to Damnation in multiple religions. Congratulations.




Regards, Franklin

[IsaiahInChrist]

Re: Please help

Well, unlike your faith, my religion doesn't require me to be perfect all the time.

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Please help

The Christian God who's name is Jah can walk on the water and raise the dead. Why do you worship this fat man?