Hello, everyone, may God touch and bless you!

[Leroy Llewelyn]

Hello and Blessings, Everone!

I've been following Landover Baptist for a few years, finding you through Pastor Deacon Fred (I haven't seen him in a while, I'm praying that Sweet Baby Jesus is keeping him safe) but I just discovered your Web Forum, What a blessing!

I'm in the process of building my profile, and I have to scoot in a bit for a counselling session with a member of my flock, but just a quick bit about me. I'm about to celebrate my tenth anniversary as a ULC-Ordained Minister!

Once again, greetings and blessings to you all.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Hello, everyone, may God touch and bless you!

Hello and Blessings, Everone!

I've been following Landover Baptist for a few years, finding you through Pastor Deacon Fred (I haven't seen him in a while, I'm praying that Sweet Baby Jesus is keeping him safe) but I just discovered your Web Forum, What a blessing!

I'm in the process of building my profile, and I have to scoot in a bit for a counselling session with a member of my flock, but just a quick bit about me. I'm about to celebrate my tenth anniversary as a ULC-Ordained Minister!

Once again, greetings and blessings to you all.

So this means you can read, right?

I guess you missed this:

Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

Never mind the selfish stuff about you. It's all about Jesus Christ here.

Now do you have praise for Him?

In Christ

[Leroy Llewelyn]

Re: Hello, everyone, may God touch and bless you!

Apologies, Brother Harold, I did actually miss that part! Thank Christ you brought that to my attention!

Actually I pastor at my own church, HappyRock Baptist. It's on a street called Gladstone Avenue, so I'm sure you can see the pun in the name. My belief is that God enjoys a good giggle from time to time. Just look at what He did with the Platypus. Take THAT, Evilutionists!!

I have so, so many favourite Bible quotes, but the one that stands out in my mind would be Luke 16:17

"And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass, than one tittle of the law to fail."

That's what I pull out when poor, misinformed folks try to tell me that Yosua's (Jesus's) coming somehow invalidated all the Old Testament laws. As. If.

God certainly enjoys his little jokes from time to time, but He most assuredly never gave up on His bread and butter, the old "Fire and Brimstone" for Sodomites and Pinkos, Amen.

I'm just right now taking a breather from an emergency ministering session for one of my flock. The poor girl's husband is away on business; she suspects she may be possessed by a minor daemon and didn't know where to turn. I'm suspecting it's more hysteria, but we're using some ceremonial restraints, for safety purposes just in case.

I'm working on a longish post on how I found our Lord and Saviour. Please show some patience, Brother. Tonight's session has taken a bit out of me so far, and it may go for a few more hours yet. Just warming the Anointing oil now(Exodus 30:22-25), I hope I have enough.

In Christ

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Hello, everyone, may God touch and bless you!

I must admit some confusion, Leroy.


No Baptist church I know would permit a pastor to be ordained by the ULC, and you clearly stated that you are so credentialed. We want to welcome you here, as we are the friendliest spot on the interwebs.


However: we have scruples. We expect honesty and truth, just as the LORD asks us to worship Him. (John 4:24)


Perhaps you think we would not notice such a thing or just overlook it. Our Department of Faith is not easily fooled. Now, isn't it time to come clean and begin posting for the glory of GOD, and not Lucifer, who is the father of lies?


You shall be added to my prayer list temporarily - but only if proven worthy of my knocking on Heaven's door on your behalf.


COME, LORD JESUS,
BrotherLarry

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Hello, everyone, may God touch and bless you!

Greetings Leroy! Hello and welcome to this friendly forum. I am not qualified to offer an official welcome to you because I am not a member of this forum but I welcome you none the less. I sense you are a white man which is no surprise because most of the people here are white. I do not think they will recognize your credentials from the Universal Life Church because they do not agree with their teachings. These are Baptists of a very serious kind. I like to come here because I find these people very instructive in the ways of the white man because they are very normal white people.


Jah Guide!
Trevor

[Leroy Llewelyn]

Re: Hello, everyone, may God touch and bless you!

More apologies, BrotherLarry; allow me to try and clear up this perplexity.

The laws here in Ontario, Canada differ significantly from those in your great and God-fearing country; one can't simply pitch a revival tent, declare it a church, and expect the same legal protections and tax benefits as one might, south of our border.

My Baptist roots stretch back many generations. My maternal grandmother was born and raised in the Kentucky hills from good Baptist stock. Her pa, my great-grandfather, was an entrepreneur. He took his people North after a disagreement with some Pinko tax revenuers when he tried following the example of no less than Noah (Genesis 9:20-21), only using corn instead of grapes.

My father's folks were from Western Canada, a bastion for right-thinking Baptists (www.cbwc.ca). He came east answering an ad for a piano player in Detroit (he was teaching piano and organ at 18). Little did he realize, the job was in a den of sin and perversion, a burlesque house. He crossed the river to Windsor, Ontario, went to work for my mother's dad, and here I am.

When I was ten my mother was forced to take over the Sunday school teaching job at our church when her predecessor left in tears of frustration over not being able to answer my biblical questions; my father was already church organist. Both my parents, and all my grandparents, are now in Jesus's loving arms.

So, you see, my ULC ordination was simply a necessary stepping-stone to laying the cornerstone of HappyRock Baptist, and allowing me to continue my work of spreading the infallible and unchanging Word of God our Father and his Son, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

I hope this clears up any confusion.

Yours in Christ,
HeyLeroy

[Leroy Llewelyn]

Re: Hello, everyone, may God touch and bless you!

(snip)
He came east answering an ad for a piano player in Detroit (he was teaching piano and organ at 18). Little did he realize, the job was in a den of sin and perversion, a burlesque house. ** To add: "He didn't even work that first shift."**(snip)

I hope this clears up any confusion.

Yours in Christ,
HeyLeroy

I couldn't figure out how to edit my post, so I quoted the pertinent bit and added the sentence between the **asterisks**.

Yours in Christ,
HeyLeroy

[Basilissa]

Re: Hello, everyone, may God touch and bless you!

Hello and to God's favorite forum, Mr. Hey! You seem like a decent fellow, unlike the hoards of fluffy bunny false "Christians" who keep flooding this forum incessantly. I look forward to reading more of your posts. Please tell me, are you married?



P.S.: As far as editing your posts goes, next to the "Submit" button there is a very convenient "Preview" button. I hope that was helpful, dear.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Hello, everyone, may God touch and bless you!

Welcome, friend Leroy. Let me state at the outset that I share the concern of most that you have been fraudulently ordained as an official servant of the Lord. However, I am willing to accept your excuse, with certain reservations, and give you the benefit of the doubt. We are friendly here and welcoming to all Christians and those who seek salvation or fellowship with other Christians, even Canadians. Are there many other Christians in your vicinity? I have thought Christians to be few in your beer soaked country. Perhaps I was hasty. Tell us more of your work with Jesus and your own walk on the straight and narrow path.


God Bless!

[Leroy Llewelyn]

Re: Hello, everyone, may God touch and bless you!

I've been working on a proper short biography and my works for the Lord, but my congregation member is in dire straits, Good Brothers and Sisters, dire indeed. She's in need of more and vigorous ministrations, likely until tomorrow at least. I may have been wrong about the daemonic possession. Let's just say I'm lucky we were using the restraints, the bite marks are merely superficial. I did have sister Dana speaking in tongues briefly, so that's a good sign.


"And it came to pass, as we went to prayer, a certain damsel possessed with a spirit of divination met us, which brought her masters much gain by soothsaying:
The same followed Paul and us, and cried, saying, These men are the servants of the most high God, which shew unto us the way of salvation.
And this did she many days. But Paul, being grieved, turned and said to the spirit, I command thee in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her. And he came out the same hour."
Acts 16:16-18 KJV



And thanks, Brother Elmer G. White, I've added a favourite Bible verse to my signature. God bless you!

Hello and to God's favorite forum, Mr. Hey! You seem like a decent fellow, unlike the hoards of fluffy bunny false "Christians" who keep flooding this forum incessantly. I look forward to reading more of your posts. Please tell me, are you married?



P.S.: As far as editing your posts goes, next to the "Submit" button there is a very convenient "Preview" button. I hope that was helpful, dear.

Thanks for the kind greetings Sister!


No, sadly, ministering to my congregation has left me little time to find a properly obedient and pious bride. HappyRock Baptist's congregation is small, but it allows me to spend more time with each member personally, guiding them in praise.


As you may have read about my early father, he had a rough go before he became a church organist. So to honour him when I first started outreach, my goal was to try and bring the worst of the worst to the Loving Embrace of Lord God. One of my first successes was to bring sister Sarah, a "shooter girl" in a burlesque house, from the clutches of S---n into the Light of the True Cross. Ever since then she's been my housekeeper and cook. I'd consider her for a wife if she didn't have the taint of the filthy harlot upon her soul.


"So she discovered her whoredoms, and discovered her nakedness: then my mind was alienated from her, like as my mind was alienated from her sister.
Yet she multiplied her whoredoms, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt.
For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses."
Ezekiel 23:18-20


YIC
HeyLeroy

[Leroy Llewelyn]

Re: Hello, everyone, may God touch and bless you!

Greetings Leroy! Hello and welcome to this friendly forum. I am not qualified to offer an official welcome to you because I am not a member of this forum but I welcome you none the less. I sense you are a white man which is no surprise because most of the people here are white. I do not think they will recognize your credentials from the Universal Life Church because they do not agree with their teachings. These are Baptists of a very serious kind. I like to come here because I find these people very instructive in the ways of the white man because they are very normal white people.


Jah Guide!
Trevor

Greetings and God Bless you, Man, thank you for the kind words. As I said, the ULC ordination was a legal requirement for me. Canada has far stricter laws than your lovely God-fearing country.

Did you know that the city where I live was at one time a terminus for the so-called Underground Railroad? Many of your kind settled here, building many fine churches. Some that weren't burned are even still standing.

If my fellow brethren in Christ accept you here, that's a testament to your good character, despite
Um, despite being a rasterfarium. Sorry if I've spelt that wrong, I'm not sure what that is. Be well, keep your heart pure for Jesus, praise the Lord God our Holy Father DAILY and abhor the sinner (And ye shall not walk in the manners of the nation, which I cast out before you: for they committed all these things, and therefore I abhorred them. Lev 20:23) and I'm sure that one day you'll be welcomed with open arms down there in Black Heaven.

Yours in Christ,
LL

[Leroy Llewelyn]

Re: Hello, everyone, may God touch and bless you!

Welcome, friend Leroy. Let me state at the outset that I share the concern of most that you have been fraudulently ordained as an official servant of the Lord. However, I am willing to accept your excuse, with certain reservations, and give you the benefit of the doubt. We are friendly here and welcoming to all Christians and those who seek salvation or fellowship with other Christians, even Canadians. Are there many other Christians in your vicinity? I have thought Christians to be few in your beer soaked country. Perhaps I was hasty. Tell us more of your work with Jesus and your own walk on the straight and narrow path.


God Bless!

Thank you for the welcome, Friend Alvin, and may God Bless you and keep you free from sin.

If I may, I'll answer your second question first, which shall shed light on the answer to your first.

Much of Canada to the East and West is well stocked with fine upstanding True Christians, but here in Ontario (and even worse in Quebeckistan), the cities and towns are covered in plagues of heathens, blasphemers and Sodomites. Indeed, the "leader" of Ontario (sort of like a "Governor") is a lesbian and a woman! Our Prime SINister (sort of like your "President", in more ways than one, I might add) wants to legalize the pot (marihuanas) and sullies Parliament Hill with queers. This is him, not even wearing a suit coat:





Do you even see our Canadian Flag, that many righteous boys fought and died for in two World Wars against Godless Commies, anywhere in this picture?? I don't.

And if you're not sitting, take a seat for this: Ontario and Quebeckistan have TWO school systems each, paid for by MY taxes! A Public (atheistic!) system and a *ahem* "Separate System". "Separate", being code for "Mackeral-Snapping Catlick"!! One one hand, I'm in favour of more integration of Church and State, but on the other, it should be the TRUE Church of our Lord God, NOT the Godforsaken papists.

Even our last Prime SINister, Harper, who called himself "Conservative", would have been right at home amongst your demo-rats. Can you imagine, a man who calls himself Conservative, won't even try to ban abortions. Shameful, Brother, shameful.

I 'm not in the habit of using such jarring language, but "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger (Proverbs 15:1)", and Brother, am I angry! What with all the refugees they're letting in, I'm in the midst of a New Babylon, for the little English I hear on the street nowadays.

When the Lord Revealed to me the Purpose He had in store for me, to bind HappyRock Baptist Church to the Earth (Matthew 18:18) I could not find a single non-pansy "Love the sinner" church in Essex County in which to apprentice. Not a single one. At the time, Caesar proclaimed I hadn't properly rendered unto him (Mark 12:17), a Pinko joo judge agreed, and tethered me to the vine (Gen 49:11) of Essex county (ha-ha, a bit of a local joke: Essex County is teeming with wineries) with an ankle monitor, so I couldn't seek a proper church elsewhere in which to understudy.

In short: Limited mobility + no suitable church = ULC ordination. If this finds me lacking in your eyes, Brother, so be it. I've been studying scripture as long as I can remember. I'd read the entire KJV through, twice, by age ten, and my compact is with my Lord God and His Son Jesus Christ:

"So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God." (Romans 10:17)


"Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?"
(2 Cor 13:5)


"Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life."
(2 Cor 3:6)

Yours in Christ,
LL

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Hello, everyone, may God touch and bless you!

I have so, so many favourite Bible quotes, but the one that stands out in my mind would be Luke 16:17

"And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass, than one tittle of the law to fail."

Welcome to our friendly forums, Mr. Llewelyn. Any friend of is a friend of mine.

[Leroy Llewelyn]

Re: Hello, everyone, may God touch and bless you!

Welcome to our friendly forums, Mr. Llewelyn. Any friend of is a friend of mine.

Thank you and God Bless you, Miss Mary!

YICLL

[Leroy Llewelyn]

Re: Hello, everyone, may God touch and bless you!

A hearty thanks, and God Bless you to the Landover Security and Investigations Ministry for your speedy review of my paperwork and the granting of my True Christian™ status!

I trust that my financial statement, tax returns and property records more than adequately fulfilled your strict requirements, and I can only imagine the tedium involved in reading through the mountainous volumes of court transcripts in the convoluted trial and triumphal appeal over the true ownership of the HappyRock property, but as our stated:

For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.
Mark 11:23

Yours in the pastoral garden of Christ,
Leroy Llewelyn