Hello fellow True Christains™

[Sir Garfungle]

Hello Brothers and Sisters. I am a proud Christian and a former father, I work 2 days a week as head chef at a local Christian church. I was raised in a strong Christian family and my dad would beat me if I wasn't doing bible study. I lost my son when I walked into him masturbating to lesbian porn. As soon as I saw him I remembered the bible passage Matthew 5:30 (one of my favourites) and attempted to remove his right hand. I now have a restraining order and can no longer be within 30 meters of him

[Didymus Much]

Re: Hello fellow True Christains™

Hello Brothers and Sisters. I am a proud Christian and a former father, I work 2 days a week as head chef at a local Christian church...

Are you British?

...I lost my son when I walked into him masturbating to lesbian porn...

Yeah, he should have been doing that in private.

...As soon as I saw him I remembered the bible passage Matthew 5:30 (one of my favourites) and attempted to remove his right hand...

Why do you have such reading comprehension problems?

[Basilissa]

Re: Hello fellow True Christains™

Hello Brothers and Sisters. I am a proud Christian and a former father, I work 2 days a week as head chef at a local Christian church.

Is that a church or a restaurant?

I lost my son when I walked into him masturbating to lesbian porn. As soon as I saw him I remembered the bible passage Matthew 5:30 (one of my favourites) and attempted to remove his right hand. I now have a restraining order and can no longer be within 30 meters of him

So you disobeyed 1 Peter 2:13? Or is there a law in your area which allows you to cut other people's arms in certain circumstances?

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Hello fellow True Christains™

Is that a church or a restaurant?



So you disobeyed 1 Peter 2:13? Or is there a law in your area which allows you to cut other people's arms in certain circumstances?

I chortled a manly chortle as I read your post, Sister Basilissa. Doesn't it surprise you how many people disobey the Lord's admonition to obey the laws of the land?


I actually had one person tell me that there are contradictions in the Holy Bible. God's Word is perfect; there can be no contradictions and there are none. Yes, we are to stone people, but only if it is legal within our area. Otherwise there would be rocks flying everywhere all day. God doesn't like chaos - well, unless He creates it Himself. Praise His Holy Name.


So...um, what are you doing this weekend?

[Basilissa]

Re: Hello fellow True Christains™

IYes, we are to stone people, but only if it is legal within our area. Otherwise there would be rocks flying everywhere all day. God doesn't like chaos - well, unless He creates it Himself. Praise His Holy Name.

AMEN!!!

So...um, what are you doing this weekend?

Well, I was planning on meeting our beloved leader Pastor Zeke for an overnight for a fervent prayer session (James 5:16). He always fills me up wit so much Godliness! Unfortunately, he canceled, he's busy now more than always, as the spiritual advisor of the President Elect Donald Trump (). So I guess the answer is not much. Why are you asking?

[Sir Garfungle]

Re: Hello fellow True Christains™

Is that a church or a restaurant?

We have a kitchen at our for fellow True Christians who are less fortunate than us to eat for free

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Hello fellow True Christains™

AMEN!!!

Well, I was planning on meeting our beloved leader Pastor Zeke for an overnight for a fervent prayer session (James 5:16). He always fills me up wit so much Godliness! Unfortunately, he canceled, he's busy now more than always, as the spiritual advisor of the President Elect Donald Trump (). So I guess the answer is not much. Why are you asking?

An overnight? I didn't realize you and he were that close.
I suppose if you're with him that my plan doesn't matter anyway. Sorry he stood you up. That is something I would never have done.


I'll just go back to my books and my horses.

[Sir Garfungle]

Re: Hello fellow True Christains™

So...um, what are you doing this weekend?

Praising the Lord!

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Hello fellow True Christains™

Praising the Lord!

GLORY! \o/

[Esther B.]

Re: Hello fellow True Christains™

Welcome , Mr. Garfungle! It's so nice to see someone following the directions at the top of the page. Why don't you tell us what church you go to?

[Basilissa]

Re: Hello fellow True Christains™

An overnight? I didn't realize you and he were that close.

Of course we're close. He is my PASTOR!!

Wait, are you trying to tell me that you never had an overnight fervent prayer session with Pastor Zeke?

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Hello fellow True Christains™

Of course we're close. He is my PASTOR!!

Wait, are you trying to tell me that you never had an overnight fervent prayer session with Pastor Zeke?

I believe I was clear. You go on with Ezekiel and break Sister Thumper's heart by trying to steal her man. I thought you and I were getting...well, apparently we weren't getting...I'm not going to say it. He's all yours. I'll just continue to have dominion over my beasts.


And no, I have never spent the night with Zeke. He said I left out a comma on the Prayer Vigil application and made me do it all again. No one has ever approved my application to move to Freehold, either. Every time he mentions me, he just says, "Oh, you're the one with the horses."


But don't worry about me. I'm ok. Don't feel guilty.

[Basilissa]

Re: Hello fellow True Christains™

I believe I was clear. You go on with Ezekiel and break Sister Thumper's heart by trying to steal her man.

As a meek and feeble-minded lady I have no idea what it is that you are trying to imply here, my beloved Brother in Christ.

[Sir Garfungle]

Re: Hello fellow True Christains™

And, "Sir" Garblefunk or whatever, Welcome to God's favorite forum. Have you prayed that Jesus would give you a new, decent name?

Just an old nickname my old church friends gave me, but if Jesus were to give me one I would happily use it

[Sir Garfungle]

Re: Hello fellow True Christains™

Just an old nickname my old church friends gave me, but if Jesus were to give me one I would happily use it

And I am certainly praying to Jesus at least 5 hours a day