The only True Chrisitans Left...

[Grim Rapper]

I welcome myself to this wonderful community of real Christians. I have come here to learn myself how I can try and make people who are sinners just like you. I would love to be a true Christian as well. However there would be a lot to learn so I might have to learn a thing or two. The best bible verse by far must be Exodus 20:13 It may be a short one however the murder of sinners just makes me happy.

[StanSmith]

Re: The only True Chrisitans Left...

Welcome Grim Reaper to the only True Christians left, as you said yourself.

I think you've made a nice impression on why you are here Mr. Reaper. However I need to know a few things..


Firstly I know you're basically the Angel Of Death. But why on earth would you come here randomly. Did Jesus send you here?


Lastly I just hope you learn a lot from us and get better at your job, as a lot of sinners are around to this day...

[BrotherLarry]

Re: The only True Chrisitans Left...

I welcome myself to this wonderful community of real Christians. I have come here to learn myself how I can try and make people who are sinners just like you. I would love to be a true Christian as well. However there would be a lot to learn so I might have to learn a thing or two. The best bible verse by far must be Exodus 20:13 It may be a short one however the murder of sinners just makes me happy.

Miss Reaper:


Welcome to our friendly and welcoming forums. You have a great deal to sort out and as long as your intentions are pure, there are scads of folk here to help you in that quest. However, if your intentions (as determined by the Department of Faith) are less than honorable, you shall be relegated to the pits of Hell. Choices, eh?


The murder of sinners is not at all implied in the commandment you mentioned. The Bible tells us to obey the laws of the land, despite all the rather nasty and bloody uprisings one reads of in the Old Testament. This is not to say that being a True Christian(TM) means one is "soft" or without the resource of righteous indignation. It does mean, however, that we follow the Bible to the letter.


I hope you give your heart to Jesus. It's actually the first step in becoming a Child of God. You must read your entire Bible - no cheating - and you must begin tithing (we cannot rob God). (2 Timothy 2:15) (Malachi 3:10) (Romans 13:1-14)


I pray that you'll accept the temporary sacrifice of Christ our Lord (we just celebrated it - remember?) and that you'll soon be rejoicing knowing your name is written in the Book of Life (Revelation 21:27).
But say, the alternative is eternity in a demonic orgy while you saute with Saddam, Adolf, death metal group The Archies, and Barack Obama.


Have a super sparkly day!
BrotherLarry (Rev 22:12)

[Grim Rapper]

Re: The only True Chrisitans Left...

Miss Reaper:


Welcome to our friendly and welcoming forums. You have a great deal to sort out and as long as your intentions are pure, there are scads of folk here to help you in that quest. However, if your intentions (as determined by the Department of Faith) are less than honorable, you shall be relegated to the pits of Hell. Choices, eh?


The murder of sinners is not at all implied in the commandment you mentioned. The Bible tells us to obey the laws of the land, despite all the rather nasty and bloody uprisings one reads of in the Old Testament. This is not to say that being a True Christian™ means one is "soft" or without the resource of righteous indignation. It does mean, however, that we follow the Bible to the letter.


I hope you give your heart to Jesus. It's actually the first step in becoming a Child of God. You must read your entire Bible - no cheating - and you must begin tithing (we cannot rob God). (2 Timothy 2:15) (Malachi 3:10) (Romans 13:1-14)


I pray that you'll accept the temporary sacrifice of Christ our Lord (we just celebrated it - remember?) and that you'll soon be rejoicing knowing your name is written in the Book of Life (Revelation 21:27).
But say, the alternative is eternity in a demonic orgy while you saute with Saddam, Adolf, death metal group The Archies, and Barack Obama.


Have a super sparkly day!
BrotherLarry (Rev 22:12)

I thank you for being so helpful.. I wish I could accept my heart to Jesus. However from taking so many souls from people. I am sure my heart is so impure that it just wouldn't work. I have also found a King James Bible. I think that will do.. Honestly I would love to gain the trust of God and Jesus again so I can prove to everyone that even the most evil entities can truly be good. I will be studying the entire Bible and going though every single bit about it. I will then try and sacrifice myself to Jesus to see if that cleanses me. I just hope you will trust me though this entire journey.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: The only True Chrisitans Left...

I thank you for being so helpful.. I wish I could accept my heart to Jesus. However from taking so many souls from people. I am sure my heart is so impure that it just wouldn't work. I have also found a King James Bible. I think that will do.. Honestly I would love to gain the trust of God and Jesus again so I can prove to everyone that even the most evil entities can truly be good. I will be studying the entire Bible and going though every single bit about it. I will then try and sacrifice myself to Jesus to see if that cleanses me. I just hope you will trust me though this entire journey.

Madam,
It is not OUR trust that you should covet. Indeed, it is the trust of our LORD JESUS that should be the focus of your desires. Oh, and by the way - you haven't taken anyone's soul. Only GOD has the power to do that - so you might want to get off that cocky "oh, I'm so scary, just look at my sickle" thing and realize that God is more powerful than all of us times infinity.
Also, there is nothing God cannot forgive with one exception:
(Isaiah 1:18) (Matthew 12:32)
Since I have now prayed for you, Jesus has His eternal gaze upon you and you WILL be saved - there is no way around it. The rest is up to you. Kneel and allow Him to enter you completely. He will come inside and change you forever.
Praise His Holy Name!
BrotherLarry

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: The only True Chrisitans Left...

I thank you for being so helpful.. I wish I could accept my heart to Jesus. However from taking so many souls from people. I am sure my heart is so impure that it just wouldn't work. I have also found a King James Bible. I think that will do.. Honestly I would love to gain the trust of God and Jesus again so I can prove to everyone that even the most evil entities can truly be good. I will be studying the entire Bible and going though every single bit about it. I will then try and sacrifice myself to Jesus to see if that cleanses me. I just hope you will trust me though this entire journey.

My Dear Grim,
The only sin that is unforgivable is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. Trust however is earned.


I pray that we will be able to trust you as you begin your journey home to Jesus.


YIC
TT

[Grim Rapper]

Re: The only True Chrisitans Left...

I may not actually collect souls. However I feel me straight up murdering sinners is collecting them. I would change my ways but it's so fun using my scythe. How could I maybe stop doing that and getting on a good path?

[Alvin Moss]

Re: The only True Chrisitans Left...

the murder of sinners just makes me happy.

Are you one of those mass murderers we hear about? Negroe murderers have been very active of late. Are you a Negroe?

[Grim Rapper]

Re: The only True Chrisitans Left...

Yes I am actually. Honestly wearing that big hood on me in the dark gives the illusion I have no face. But I am indeed a Negroe. I hope that doesn't ruin my chances.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: The only True Chrisitans Left...

I am indeed a Negroe. I hope that doesn't ruin my chances.

Salvation is possible for all who do not blaspheme against the Lord God, even Negroes. The path is somewhat harder for Negroes, due to the murderous blot on the souls of Hamites. Still, it is possible for you to find redemption. I am no expert, but it is my guess that there are not many saved Negroe murderers.

[Grim Rapper]

Re: The only True Chrisitans Left...

I will try my best to get on that pathway. Even if I am a Negro Criminal Thank you for making it clear brother.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: The only True Chrisitans Left...

I may not actually collect souls. However I feel me straight up murdering sinners is collecting them. I would change my ways but it's so fun using my scythe. How could I maybe stop doing that and getting on a good path?

Of course you don't collect souls, dear. This isn't Comic-Con, this is a church forum where like minded Christians come together to praise Jesus and glorify His Mighty Works. He doesn't outsource His Judgement to unsaved trash, and He isn't into Role Play Games. If you think you can persecute us with boring talk of Halloween-like dress up games, the joke will be on you. We are blessed by your persecution (Matthew 5:12).

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: The only True Chrisitans Left...

I will try my best to get on that pathway. Even if I am a Negro Criminal Thank you for making it clear brother.

Just because you are a coloured does not mean that it is is impossible to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Matthew 7:21 - Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

It's just harder.

YIC

[Elmer G. White]

Re: The only True Chrisitans Left...

Greetings, Mr. Grim Rapper,
Are you related to Grim Fiddle, the protagonist of John Calvin Batchelor's novel The Birth of the People's Republic of Antarctica? Of course, it is a secular book and loses miserably in comparison to the King James Bible but it has some themes that can be useful for an aspiring Christian. For instance, it mentions "The Fleet of the Damned", i.e., everybody who is not a True Christian™.

Mark 16:16
He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.



Once you've memorized the Bible you can take some time off and read Batchelor's book, too!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Basilissa]

Re: The only True Chrisitans Left...

I have come here to learn myself how I can try and make people who are sinners just like you.

I am confused about your punctuation. Are you trying to say:

I have come here to learn myself how I can try and to make people, who are sinners, just like you. -> which would be great indeed.

Or:

I have come here to learn myself how I can try and to make people who are sinners just like you. -> implying that we are sinners and you want to make (procreate?) more sinners.

Punctuation is very important. Here is another example:

Let's eat, Grandma!

and:

Let's eat Grandma!

I may not actually collect souls. However I feel me straight up murdering sinners is collecting them. I would change my ways but it's so fun using my scythe. How could I maybe stop doing that and getting on a good path?

Is that a confession to being a serial killer? Should we forward that post together with your IP address to your local authorities?