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  • Shabiha
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Jan 2021
    • 9

    #1

    Greetings

    Hello, everyone. I'm an Orthodox Christian from Syria. You may be surprised to know that not everyone in the Middle East, where Christianity originated, is Muslim. We tend to view your crowd as white roleplayers in bed with the Jews, but you guys seem to be more reasonable. My favorite Bible verse is Matthew 27:25 because it's the most undeniable proof that the Jews are evil.
  • Basilissa
    South of the Border outreach program
    True Christian™
     
    • Mar 2013
    • 12992

    #2
    Re: Greetings

    Hello and to our friendly forum! While it is unimaginable for us why a seemingly reasonable person would follow an obscure religion like yours, when there is Baptism to choose from, we do hope that we can change your mind and convert you to the proper True Christian(tm) faith.
    God created fossils to test our faith.

    * * *

    My favorite LBC sermons:
    True Christians are Perfect!
    True Christian™ Love.
    Salvation™ made Easy!
    You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
    Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
    Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
    Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
    Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
    The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
    Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
    God HATES Rational Thinking!
    True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

    Comment

    • Mary Etheldreda
      Gushing for Jesus
       
      • Sep 2011
      • 23775

      #3
      Re: Greetings

      Welcome, dear! Do tell us something about yourself. Are you married? Are you a man or woman? Your name sounds feminine, but I find a lot of men on the African continent have very feminine sounding names so I don't like to assume.
      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

      Comment

      • James Hutchins
        True Christian™
        Just a Regular Nice Guy
         
        • Jun 2009
        • 29453

        #4
        Re: Greetings

        I'd love to welcome you with open arms but the idea you could be (and probably are) wearing a bomb vest precludes close contact. So I am sure you'll take no offense if I give you a hearty hello from 3,000 miles out of the blast radius.
        Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
        Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
        Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
        Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
        Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
        Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

        Comment

        • Shabiha
          Unsaved trash
          Under Investigation
          • Jan 2021
          • 9

          #5
          Re: Greetings

          Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
          Welcome, dear! Do tell us something about yourself. Are you married? Are you a man or woman? Your name sounds feminine, but I find a lot of men on the African continent have very feminine sounding names so I don't like to assume.
          I'm an unmarried woman. My name isn't actually Shabiha - it's a pejorative term for supporters of the Syrian government in its struggle against the Wahhabi-Zionist conspiracy used by its opponents. I prefer to own it.

          Comment

          • Didymus Much
            Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
            • Jun 2010
            • 14079

            #6
            Re: Greetings

            Originally posted by Shabiha View Post
            ...supporters of the Syrian government in its struggle against the Wahhabi-Zionist conspiracy...
            The what now?


            ...used by its opponents. I prefer to own it.

            I'll cheer all the sides when they stop with the shooting and the bombing and the gassing.

            Comment

            • MitzaLizalor
              Completely CRAZY for the Lord
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2010
              • 14500

              #7
              Re: Greetings

              Hello Welcome to the forum. If you support the Syrian government (which I understand to be socialist) and its leader, how do you reconcile your position with Scripture?

              Proverbs 23:31 Look not thou upon the wine when it is red, when it giveth his colour in the cup, when it moveth itself aright.


              It must get pretty dusty over there and refreshments could be a problem. Here's a recipe that complies with the cited passage and is quite refreshing if refrigerated.

              Vodka Trifle

              .70cl rose vodka
              .some blue jelly
              .stale cake, diced
              .custard
              .whipped cream
              .assorted fruit to taste, diced
              .crystallised rose petals

              .Place cake into a bowl
              .Add the vodka
              .Add the fruit, jelly and custard
              .Top with whipped cream
              .Garnish with crystallised rose petals

              Comment

              • Basilissa
                South of the Border outreach program
                True Christian™
                 
                • Mar 2013
                • 12992

                #8
                Re: Greetings

                Originally posted by Shabiha View Post
                I'm an unmarried woman. My name isn't actually Shabiha - it's a pejorative term for supporters of the Syrian government in its struggle against the Wahhabi-Zionist conspiracy
                So when it comes to the Muslim pagan beliefs, you side with the Shia over the Sunni. Interesting. Or is that just because the Orthodox churches are so helplessly tied to political power, so you have to cheer whoever is in power?

                My knowledge of the eastern Orthodox heresies is a bit rusty - please remind me, where does the Syriac church stand on the issues of monophysitism and transubstantiation? Not that it's super important - you will still go to for following what a funnily clothed bearded man tells you, rather than the Bible itself.
                God created fossils to test our faith.

                * * *

                My favorite LBC sermons:
                True Christians are Perfect!
                True Christian™ Love.
                Salvation™ made Easy!
                You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
                Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
                Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
                Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
                Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
                The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
                Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
                God HATES Rational Thinking!
                True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

                Comment

                • Shabiha
                  Unsaved trash
                  Under Investigation
                  • Jan 2021
                  • 9

                  #9
                  Re: Greetings

                  I would not describe the government as socialist. Maybe it was under Hafez, but definitely not under Bashar. Right now, it can't really be said that Syria has an economy at all.

                  Comment

                  • James Hutchins
                    True Christian™
                    Just a Regular Nice Guy
                     
                    • Jun 2009
                    • 29453

                    #10
                    Re: Greetings

                    So... you are not a Christian. You do know, by not following the Word of the True God™ you are going to burn for eternity in Hell. Is that what you really want? For a female, you do not appear to be entirely stupid.
                    Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                    Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                    Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                    Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                    Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                    Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                    Comment

                    • Shabiha
                      Unsaved trash
                      Under Investigation
                      • Jan 2021
                      • 9

                      #11
                      Re: Greetings

                      Originally posted by Basilissa View Post
                      So when it comes to the Muslim pagan beliefs, you side with the Shia over the Sunni. Interesting. Or is that just because the Orthodox churches are so helplessly tied to political power, so you have to cheer whoever is in power?

                      My knowledge of the eastern Orthodox heresies is a bit rusty - please remind me, where does the Syriac church stand on the issues of monophysitism and transubstantiation? Not that it's super important - you will still go to for following what a funnily clothed bearded man tells you, rather than the Bible itself.
                      It's kind of both. The Shiites (or Alawites) are much more reasonable because they know what it's like to be despised by the Sunnis.


                      When I say Orthodox, I mean the Greek Orthodox Church of Antioch, which is different from the Syriac Orthodox Church, which is one of the Oriental Orthodox churches. As such, we reject monophysitism. However, we do believe in transubstantiation.

                      Comment

                      • handmaiden
                        Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
                        True Christian™
                        • May 2010
                        • 11515

                        #12
                        Re: Greetings

                        Originally posted by Shabiha View Post
                        I'm an unmarried woman. My name isn't actually Shabiha - it's a pejorative term for supporters of the Syrian government in its struggle against the Wahhabi-Zionist conspiracy used by its opponents. I prefer to own it.
                        Wasabi has always been a little too hot for my taste. I'm glad someone is trying to do something about it.
                        His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

                        Guns For God and the Economy

                        Comment

                        • Mary Etheldreda
                          Gushing for Jesus
                           
                          • Sep 2011
                          • 23775

                          #13
                          Re: Greetings

                          Originally posted by Shabiha View Post
                          When I say Orthodox, I mean the Greek Orthodox Church of Antioch, which is different from the Syriac Orthodox Church, which is one of the Oriental Orthodox churches.
                          Shabiha, I just wanted to remind you that we God created us for a purpose, and that purpose is to Worship and Glorify Him. But God want's us to use this life to Seek Him and to Know Him. We would never know Him without His Guidance, which is the Holy Scriptures and the Holy Ghost, both of which have been hidden and despised by the Orthodox Churches.

                          These Orthodox Churches, with their rituals and incantations, were Satan's invention. He planted the idea in the minds of Lost Men centuries ago so they would build an Empire to him instead. This Empire has been since converted into the Harry Potter series, which was his long-term plan all along. Nothing has corrupted more billions of souls than Harry Potter, and your Orthodox Churches are the root of this Evil.

                          I implore you to get on your knees and Repent of your Cosplay Church affiliation and embrace Jesus Christ the Alpha and the Omega! Don't miss out on having a Relationship with the Master and Creator of the Universe! He rejoices in the grovelling of sinners, recognizing their shame makes His countenance to Shine upon us all! Will you not Please the LORD by admitting your sins and accepting Him into your heart?
                          Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                          Comment

                          • Isabella White
                            True Christian™ Icon of Feminine Virtue
                             
                            • Mar 2019
                            • 4374

                            #14
                            Re: Greetings

                            Originally posted by Shabiha View Post
                            Hello, everyone. I'm an Orthodox Christian from Syria. You may be surprised to know that not everyone in the Middle East, where Christianity originated, is Muslim. We tend to view your crowd as white roleplayers in bed with the Jews, but you guys seem to be more reasonable. My favorite Bible verse is Matthew 27:25 because it's the most undeniable proof that the Jews are evil.
                            Greetings to you, dear Miss Shabiha, and We are so pleased that you have found us, in our blessed space in this vast interwebs galaxy, and I so hope that your time with us will be one where you will join with the servants of the in discovering the many wondrous truths that are contained within the glorious pages of the .

                            I must hasten to mention that the is the only version that we use, here at -- none of those other watered-down versions, please.

                            I'm a bit confused by one of your statements, and I wonder if you can clarify what you mean by, "We tend to view your crowd as white roleplayers in bed with the Jews ..." What on Earth do you mean by this, Dear? I can assure you that we, most certainly, have no such association or intention, and our loyalty to Almighty is our primary focus, here at .

                            It is my hope that you will be blessed by the , as you seek to leave your sinful past and to walk with , on a daily basis. May bless you richly, Dear.
                            (Mrs.) Isabella White

                            Hebrews 10:19 " Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the of "

                            Comment

                            • Isabella White
                              True Christian™ Icon of Feminine Virtue
                               
                              • Mar 2019
                              • 4374

                              #15
                              Re: Greetings

                              Originally posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
                              Here's a recipe that complies with the cited passage and is quite refreshing if refrigerated.

                              Vodka Trifle

                              .70cl rose vodka
                              .some blue jelly
                              .stale cake, diced
                              .custard
                              .whipped cream
                              .assorted fruit to taste, diced
                              .crystallised rose petals

                              .Place cake into a bowl
                              .Add the vodka
                              .Add the fruit, jelly and custard
                              .Top with whipped cream
                              .Garnish with crystallised rose petals
                              My, what a lovely recipe, dear Sister Mitza, and I do thank you for providing this for the benefit of all who are lucky enough to read of it. One wonders if a small substitution in your very precise ingredients list could be made, for those who might not fancy the vodka. I was thinking that one could make a patriotic version of this, as a tribute, of sorts, to our beloved still-my-President Donald Trump. How would this recipe work if the vodka is replaced with President Trump's beloved Diet Coke?

                              (Mrs.) Isabella White

                              Hebrews 10:19 " Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the of "

                              Comment

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