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Fellow Servants of Jesus: I feel that my current place of Worship has nothing more to offer me other than good parking. After an exhaustive search accompanied by an acceptable amount of self-flagellation I have concluded that your congregation is the only place I could possibly feel accepted. When not protecting our borders from the beaner invasion I am compelled to visit your site as often as possible and draw wisdom from it's content as directed by the Lord God Almighty. When do I start tithing? Also, is this a good place to meet girls?
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Re: Ready to begin tithing
Is that what passes for an introduction at 4chan?
You have exactly one more post coming to you. Make sense or begone. This is a Christian forum.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!! -
Re: Ready to begin tithing
Thank you for your kind response Pastor Ezekiel. As to your question of whether my introduction would pass muster at 4chan I can only tell you this: I would rather be disemboweled by Hillary Clinton than cast my gaze on the pagan idolatry represented on that cheesy foreigner-influenced "site". My introduction was obviously not to your satisfaction. I can only say that if it lacked the biographical detail you require that is only in the interest of not giving the appearance of pride. I must also maintain a certain amount of anonymity due to my membership in certain groups who work tirelessly to ensure that our great country stays true to it's White, Anglo-Saxon, God-Fearing Origins. Are most of the women on here single?Comment
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Re: Ready to begin tithing
Young man, this is not a meat market. Understandably True Christian(tm) women are highly valued because they are beautiful and virgins, but they shall only be yoked to believers. (2 Cor. 6:14)
Tell us, what is your favorite Bible verse? What church do you attend?Comment
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Re: Ready to begin tithing
Attended: White Plains Baptist
Favorite Verse: Deuteronomy 7:1-2When the Lord your God brings you into the land you are entering to possess and drives out before you many nations . . . then you must destroy them totally. Make no treaty with them, and show them no mercy.
Do you sponsor any Coed Gun Clubs?Comment
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Re: Ready to begin tithing
Like that crawling club you belong to?Originally posted by Slothco View Post
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: Ready to begin tithing
Nice find, Pastor! I knew the 22.5 hours you spend on the intertubes each day doing research of the damned would pay off. What do you have to say for yourself, Slothco? You are probably a producer and some Hollywood liberal jew lover?Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View PostLike that crawling club you belong to?Yours In Christ,
Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)
Further reading to help you become a True Christian™
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Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
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How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
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There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!
Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.Comment
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Re: Ready to begin tithing
If I were Jew do you seriously think I would voluntarily tithe? No brothers, I am just another God-Fearing Anglo-Saxon anxious to do the work of The Lord and who happens to be armed to the teeth. What about the Coed Gun Club?Comment
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