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  • Maynard Staley
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Mar 2010
    • 8

    #1

    New Member

    Greetings,

    I have come seeking Truth and Salvation, as many have. I fear for my eternal soul, I am surrounded by sin, and struggle tirelessly to be a virtuous man. Perhaps I can find guidance and assistance in my journey among the wicked, and to find forgiveness for my own sin.

    May the Lord Bless you all!
  • Ezekiel Bathfire
    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
    Christ's Rottweiler
     
    • Jan 2008
    • 22889

    #2
    Re: New Member

    Originally posted by Maynard Staley View Post
    Greetings, I have come [...]to find forgiveness for my own sin.
    What sin would that be? Don't spare the details or blushes.
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

    Comment

    • Maynard Staley
      Unsaved trash
      Under Investigation
      • Mar 2010
      • 8

      #3
      Re: New Member

      Temptation, primarily, I will admit. I know that as a man I should desire to be with a woman, but I struggle to keep my thoughts pure. I have been single for quite some time, and I find that loneliness can corrupt a man's mind. Women dress without dignity, and I find myself weak, at times, to stay on the right path.

      Comment

      • Nurse Clampett
        Jesus's Favorite Nurse
        Forum Member
        • Jan 2009
        • 974

        #4
        Re: New Member

        Good afternoon. You wouldn't be the same Maynard Staley from the satanic rock band Tool?
        Luke 5:31
        And Jesus answering said unto them, They that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick

        Comment

        • Maynard Staley
          Unsaved trash
          Under Investigation
          • Mar 2010
          • 8

          #5
          Re: New Member

          No maam, I am not. I believe the man you are referring to is Maynard James Keenan, whom I have no relation to. My name, Maynard, is German, and it means to be brave and have strength.

          Comment

          • Nurse Clampett
            Jesus's Favorite Nurse
            Forum Member
            • Jan 2009
            • 974

            #6
            Re: New Member

            Originally posted by Maynard Staley View Post
            No maam, I am not. I believe the man you are referring to is Maynard James Keenan, whom I have no relation to. My name, Maynard, is German, and it means to be brave and have strength.
            My apologies, Brother. I am but a fluffy headed woman.
            Luke 5:31
            And Jesus answering said unto them, They that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick

            Comment

            • Maynard Staley
              Unsaved trash
              Under Investigation
              • Mar 2010
              • 8

              #7
              Re: New Member

              Originally posted by Nurse Clampett View Post
              My apologies, Brother. I am but a fluffy headed woman.
              No need for apologies. One who provides comfort to those in distress should not be so critical of them self, Sister.

              Comment

              • Ezekiel Bathfire
                Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                Christ's Rottweiler
                 
                • Jan 2008
                • 22889

                #8
                Re: New Member

                Maynard, worry not, is it not said, 1Cor7: 8 "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."?

                "Containing" that's what it's all about. You're not incontinent are you?
                sigpic


                “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                Author of such illuminating essays as,
                Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                Comment

                • Maynard Staley
                  Unsaved trash
                  Under Investigation
                  • Mar 2010
                  • 8

                  #9
                  Re: New Member

                  Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                  Maynard, worry not, is it not said, 1Cor7: 8 "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."?

                  "Containing" that's what it's all about. You're not incontinent are you?
                  Incontinent, no. But at the same time, I fear that my thoughts are of the somewhat perverse nature.

                  Comment

                  • Ezekiel Bathfire
                    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                    Christ's Rottweiler
                     
                    • Jan 2008
                    • 22889

                    #10
                    Re: New Member

                    Originally posted by Maynard Staley View Post
                    Incontinent, no. But at the same time, I fear that my thoughts are of the somewhat perverse nature.
                    Oh, come Maynard, often perverse thoughts are Godly, I recall when Mrs Bathfire fell down the cellar steps one Sabbath evening. I simply refused to lift a hand to help her until midnight had passed. IIRC, she said I was 'perverse'. Women, eh?
                    sigpic


                    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                    Author of such illuminating essays as,
                    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                    Comment

                    • James Hutchins
                      True Christian™
                      Just a Regular Nice Guy
                       
                      • Jun 2009
                      • 29453

                      #11
                      Re: New Member

                      Mr. Creebs, do you own any firearms?
                      Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                      Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                      Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                      Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                      Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                      Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                      Comment

                      • Maynard Staley
                        Unsaved trash
                        Under Investigation
                        • Mar 2010
                        • 8

                        #12
                        Re: New Member

                        Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                        Oh, come Maynard, often perverse thoughts are Godly, I recall when Mrs Bathfire fell down the cellar steps one Sabbath evening. I simply refused to lift a hand to help her until midnight had passed. IIRC, she said I was 'perverse'. Women, eh?
                        But surely, God might frown upon my desire for the woman who works at the Dunkin Donuts drivethru to come into my car and fellate me while I drink my coffee?

                        Comment

                        • Cranky Old Man
                          Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
                          You kids get off his lawn!
                           
                          • Jan 2010
                          • 22373

                          #13
                          Re: New Member

                          Originally posted by Maynard Staley View Post
                          But surely, God might frown upon my desire for the woman who works at the Dunkin Donuts drivethru to come into my car and fellate me while I drink my coffee?
                          Your obsession with porn is getting the better of you. To make sure you stop staring at porn you now have to poke your own eyes out! The Bible is very clear on that: Mark 9:47 "And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire". Since you can still see porn with one eye, you will have to poke both of them out.

                          You are probably also an obsessive compulsive masturbator. The Bible is very clear on what you have to do about that. You have to rent a chainsaw and remove your hand! Mark 9:43 "And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched". To be on the safe side you might want to remove both hands.

                          And after you poked your eyes out and removed your hands you have to start reading your KJV1611 Holy Bible to prevent eternal damnation to hell .
                          5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                          To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                          James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

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