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  • Johann Rudtke
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Oct 2010
    • 10
    #1

    Greetings from a 100% non-catholic German

    Hallelujah,
    my name is Johann and I'm from Munich, southern Germany. I read your board for quite a while, constantly interrupted by some satanistic policemen breaking in as a daemonic answer to some antizionistic actions of mine, and would like to become a member of your community. Some people call me "medieval", but I understand the bible literally and would like to show my love to all those that talk of metaphoric understandings by beating them with my BMW 1's bumper until the cows come home.

    Johann Rudtke
    But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee: [...] The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed...SO SAY 'NO' to CHEMOTERAPY and ANY other MEDICATION!
    Tags: None
    • Levi Jones
      Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics
      Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood
      Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
       
      • Jul 2009
      • 13930
      #2
      Re: Greetings from a 100% non-catholic German

      Dueteronomy 28 in your signature. Very nice.

      Is that your favorite Bible verse? What church do you attend over there? Are you a family man, Johan?
      Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.

        Comment

        • Johann Rudtke
          Forum Member
          Forum Member
          • Oct 2010
          • 10
          #3
          Re: Greetings from a 100% non-catholic German

          Indeed, it's my favourite verse. It shows us that GOD cares for what men do, that HE cares for us and will cleanse our path of chastity! I'm a proud member of the Union Deutscher Freikirchen.
          I have two children, Teutonius and Jonas and a chaste wife that is currently out of order due to some extraordinary castignation. Praise the LORD!
          But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee: [...] The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed...SO SAY 'NO' to CHEMOTERAPY and ANY other MEDICATION!

            Comment

            • James Hutchins
              True Christian™
              Just a Regular Nice Guy
               
              • Jun 2009
              • 29453
              #4
              Re: Greetings from a 100% non-catholic German

              Welcome Johann, I for one am darn glad to meet you. I have a good feeling about you.

              Tell me, what do you do for a living in the Fatherland?
              Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
              Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
              Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
              Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
              Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
              Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                Comment

                • Johann Rudtke
                  Forum Member
                  Forum Member
                  • Oct 2010
                  • 10
                  #5
                  Re: Greetings from a 100% non-catholic German

                  Originally posted by James Hutchins View Post
                  Welcome Johann, I for one am darn glad to meet you. I have a good feeling about you.

                  Tell me, what do you do for a living in the Fatherland?
                  I'm glad to be so warmly welcome! Well, I'm performing the great exorcism (Befreiungsdienst) in a revival tent in southern Munich with my co-worker Esther Siegsheil.
                  But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee: [...] The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed...SO SAY 'NO' to CHEMOTERAPY and ANY other MEDICATION!

                    Comment

                    • Ezekiel Bathfire
                      Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                      Christ's Rottweiler
                       
                      • Jan 2008
                      • 22864
                      #6
                      Re: Greetings from a 100% non-catholic German

                      I hope that you will video the event so that we can compare methods.

                      I remember old Pastor Michell; he was getting on in years and his mind was none too sharp for detail. Halfway through an exorcism, he launched into a marriage service and married some woman to the lunatic.
                      sigpic


                      “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                      Author of such illuminating essays as,
                      Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                        Comment

                        • Rev. Jim Osborne
                          True Christian™ Televangelist
                          Director of Fundraising and Tithing
                          On the Look Out for Wife #6!
                          True Christian™
                          • Jun 2009
                          • 8622
                          #7
                          Re: Greetings from a 100% non-catholic German

                          Welcome to God's Favorite Forum(tm)! We're always looking for new volunteers for our European Outreach Program. That continent is a Godless cesspool. We are the septic tank pumpers that are there to flush it out.

                          Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

                            Comment

                            • Johann Rudtke
                              Forum Member
                              Forum Member
                              • Oct 2010
                              • 10
                              #8
                              Re: Greetings from a 100% non-catholic German

                              Originally posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
                              We're always looking for new volunteers for our European Outreach Program. That continent is a Godless cesspool. We are the septic tank pumpers that are there to flush it out.
                              That sounds great! Indeed, we have big problems with those God-loves-everybody-equal-fairies that try to ruin our constitution. As I tend to say to the socialists: You can kick GOD out of law, but then GOD will make you an out-law more than ever!

                              Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire
                              I hope that you will video the event so that we can compare methods.

                              I remember old Pastor Michell; he was getting on in years and his mind was none too sharp for detail. Halfway through an exorcism, he launched into a marriage service and married some woman to the lunatic.
                              Oh, I remember a similar case in our Erweckungsstätte. A confused school director handed in some half-men-half-cow guys that later turned out as homosexuals- our secretary switched certificates so they were brought to the slaughter house and they did their work for us.
                              But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee: [...] The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed...SO SAY 'NO' to CHEMOTERAPY and ANY other MEDICATION!

                                Comment

                                • WinnerNotSinner
                                  Friendliest Fellow in all of Freehold
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Jun 2010
                                  • 951
                                  #9
                                  Re: Greetings from a 100% non-catholic German

                                  Originally posted by Johann Rudtke View Post
                                  As I tend to say to the socialists: You can kick GOD out of law, but then GOD will make you an out-law more than ever!
                                  That's a very catchy phrase you have there!

                                  Welcome to our friendly forum, we are as annoyed by fluffy-bunny false Christians as you are. A metaphor I sometimes use to help get the word across is if the Bible was a buffet you would have to take everything or you'd burn in a fire whilst in the canteen.
                                  6
                                  A woman came up to me the other day, 12/6/2016 and said:
                                  "But Mr. Winner, if GOD loves everyone then why is there so much suffering in the world?"

                                  Because GOD doesn't love everyone. Too many people have this absurd idea in their heads that GOD is all loving.
                                  If he was all loving, then murderers, thieves and homosexuals would be waiting for you in Heaven.

                                  GOD doesn't open his gate to just anyone. Being a True Christian™ is like a Queue Jump ticket at Disney, we are guaranteed a ride with JESUS.

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