[Nattie]

Re: Hello

Tell me about it! You don't want to end up in Hell burning forever next to me.

I know all of the True Christians are rooting for you and want to save your immortal soul, but I hope you forgive me for wishing you nothing but misery and failure. I can't help it, I'm a hateful creature.

Matthew 7:13-14 Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

If you value your immortal soul, you'll do as your Pastor tells you. But it will be difficult; he will ask many things of you that you won't want to do. If you are weak, and your spirit unwilling, you will fall off of the narrow path and right into the ditch.

That's me, at the bottom of the ditch, hidden in a pile of filthy garbage. Waiting, with the patience of a spider.

Why are you such, as you put it, a hateful creature?

[Cursed]

Re: Hello

Why are you such, as you put it, a hateful creature?

Thank you for deigning to speak to the most lowly of the low here at Landover Baptist!

I'm not a Bible Scholar; but in my limited studies I'd say because the HOLY BIBLE says so.

Deuteronomy 23:2 A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

As a bastard son of a bastard's bastard, I'm triple-dog-dare cursed! If I set foot in Landover Baptist Church they would immediately welcome someone as clever as I with open arms. And who could blame them? Not me.

I won't even get into the other curses I'm afflicted with, but there are many generational ones (Curse of Canaan, etc.) and ones caused by me and my own depravity (unforgiving, disbelieving, implacable, etc.); a sickening lump of doom encapsulates me. It used to be a cloud of doom, back in the good old days.

I am here as an awful example and witness of what could, and probably will, happen to you if you don't SUBMIT.

[Nattie]

Re: Hello

Thank you for deigning to speak to the most lowly of the low here at Landover Baptist!

I'm not a Bible Scholar; but in my limited studies I'd say because the HOLY BIBLE says so.

Deuteronomy 23:2 A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

As a bastard son of a bastard's bastard, I'm triple-dog-dare cursed! If I set foot in Landover Baptist Church they would immediately welcome someone as clever as I with open arms. And who could blame them? Not me.

I won't even get into the other curses I'm afflicted with, but there are many generational ones (Curse of Canaan, etc.) and ones caused by me and my own depravity (unforgiving, disbelieving, implacable, etc.); a sickening lump of doom encapsulates me. It used to be a cloud of doom, back in the good old days.

I am here as an awful example and witness of what could, and probably will, happen to you if you don't SUBMIT.

Well, thank you ever so much for your advice. You are in my prayers

And I am certain that there are lowlier people than you here.

[Bible Student]

Re: Hello

I can clean rather well, but my husband says that cooking is not my strong point

At least tell us you can bake a pie?

[Bible Student]

Re: Hello

I am not certain if there are any True Christian™ cooking classes around me.

From the looks of things on Google Map I'm not certain that there is anything or anybody around you.






I'm surprised that you even have the InterWebs way out there in th middle of nowhere. Are you using this company that operates with free government handouts? http://www.openrangecomm.com/

Seeing how there are no people within 300 miles of you as far as I can tell, your chances of finding a True Christian(tm) to help train you in your cooking duties is rather none to slim. Therefore since you do have the InterWebs I suggest you use this site: http://allrecipes.com/. Their recipes will not poison your family.

What if my husband does not like pie?

How could he not like sweet, succulent, warm, moist pie? Is he one of those heathen atheists? I've never heard of a Christian not liking pie. Next you will be telling us he doesn't even have a gun collection.

Are there any suitable substitutes?

The only suitable substitute for pie is PIE.

[Cursed]

Re: Hello

If she can't bake a pie and is married to an atheist, what chance has she of getting into Heaven?

I'm afraid things aren't looking good for Mrs. Nattie. Ha ha!

[Bible Student]

Re: Hello

Originally Posted by Nattie
Well, as stated at the beginning of my introduction thread, I don't belong to a particular Church at the moment. Neither my husband or I do. We were hoping to find a home here..

I am afraid that there are not a lot of True Christian™ women in my town I don't know who to go to for help or guidance.

Maybe you should try to contact a Church around you in order to show God your loyalty until you can find a way to move to Freehold and take part in their Church. Or ask the other True Christian™ women on this most Godly forum if they have any ideas on how to help your cooking.

Sister Noelle, I don't know if you have seen the pictures I posted of Spearfish, SD but from what I could see on Google Map there might not be a church of any sort within a days trip of Nattie. Didn't seem to be too many roads either. I think they backpack out there. She might start out on her journey with all good intentions to find a church in her neck of the woods but could very easily get caught at that time of the month if you know what I mean? How embarrassing would that be? Even if she made it to a church she would not be allowed to enter it. I see she has two soldiers for Christ in the oven.

[Nattie]

Re: Hello

At least tell us you can bake a pie?

My pie baking skills are mediocre at best, but I have been told that practice makes perfect

From the looks of things on Google Map I'm not certain that there is anything or anybody around you.






I'm surprised that you even have the InterWebs way out there in th middle of nowhere. Are you using this company that operates with free government handouts? http://www.openrangecomm.com/

Seeing how there are no people within 300 miles of you as far as I can tell, your chances of finding a True Christian™ to help train you in your cooking duties is rather none to slim. Therefore since you do have the InterWebs I suggest you use this site: http://allrecipes.com/. Their recipes will not poison your family.


How could he not like sweet, succulent, warm, moist pie? Is he one of those heathen atheists? I've never heard of a Christian not liking pie. Next you will be telling us he doesn't even have a gun collection.


The only suitable substitute for pie is PIE.

It's not that he doesn't like pie; pie just happens to not be one of his favorites, sadly. He has a gun collection; has a bunch of .22s and .45s--I think. Gun talk isn't a strong suit of mine.

If she can't bake a pie and is married to an atheist, what chance has she of getting into Heaven?

I'm afraid things aren't looking good for Mrs. Nattie. Ha ha!

Well, it's a good thing that I can bake pies--if poorly--and that my husband isn't an athiest, isn't it?

Sister Noelle, I don't know if you have seen the pictures I posted of Spearfish, SD but from what I could see on Google Map there might not be a church of any sort within a days trip of Nattie. Didn't seem to be too many roads either. I think they backpack out there. She might start out on her journey with all good intentions to find a church in her neck of the woods but could very easily get caught at that time of the month if you know what I mean? How embarrassing would that be? Even if she made it to a church she would not be allowed to enter it. I see she has two soldiers for Christ in the oven.

We're hoping for two lovely little boys

[Cursed]

Re: Hello

Well, it's a good thing that I can bake pies--if poorly--and that my husband isn't an athiest, isn't it?

For you maybe, but the path to hell is very wide, don't get overconfident.

We're hoping for two lovely little boys

You'll know if you've angered God after they are born. If you have Siamese twins, that is definitely not a good sign.

[Nattie]

Re: Hello

For you maybe, but the path to hell is very wide, don't get overconfident.



You'll know if you've angered God after they are born. If you have Siamese twins, that is definitely not a good sign.

I try not to be overconfident. Usually my self-esteem is six feet under. However, my husband said my pie wasn't that awful, so I got a bit overexcited. That was probably a bit prideful of me :/

We are hoping and praying that they are not deformed or retarded. I'm quite young; the chances of that happening biologically are slim--I think. I'm not well versed in science.

[Cursed]

Re: Hello

I try not to be overconfident. Usually my self-esteem is six feet under. However, my husband said my pie wasn't that awful, so I got a bit overexcited. That was probably a bit prideful of me :/

I'm not an expert, but your husband sounds like he's one of those nice people that just snaps one day and goes on a killing spree. Hopefully for you and your family it will be while he's at work!

We are hoping and praying that they are not deformed or retarded. I'm quite young; the chances of that happening biologically are slim--I think. I'm not well versed in science.

GOD beats the odds all of the time. Retarded might not be a curse if they are kind and not severely dimwitted, they can be very handy around the house. Harlequin twins would be bad, another sure sign that the LORD GOD is angry with you. Here's hoping no siamese or harlequin twins.

Of course, they could come out physically normal, but hiding your husband's "spree killer" traits until adolescence or later.

So many things can go wrong, you'll never see it coming until He decides to reveal His awful plan to you.

[Nattie]

Re: Hello

I'm not an expert, but your husband sounds like he's one of those nice people that just snaps one day and goes on a killing spree. Hopefully for you and your family it will be while he's at work!



GOD beats the odds all of the time. Retarded might not be a curse if they are kind and not severely dimwitted, they can be very handy around the house. Harlequin twins would be bad, another sure sign that the LORD GOD is angry with you. Here's hoping no siamese or harlequin twins.

Of course, they could come out physically normal, but hiding your husband's "spree killer" traits until adolescence or later.

So many things can go wrong, you'll never see it coming until He decides to reveal His awful plan to you.

Well, I hope that my husband isn't a repressed homicidal maniac, but if that be the case, I suppose that's God's Will. Or perhaps my husband has let Satan into his heart, if that does indeed happen. I am so confused. Being a True Christian™ is harder than I thought

[John Creeser]

Re: Hello

I am so confused. Being a True Christian™ is harder than I thought

A True Christian™ you say? I'm afraid you have quite a way to go before you earn that status friend.

[Nattie]

Re: Hello

A True Christian™ you say? I'm afraid you have quite a way to go before you earn that status friend.

I realize this. Salvation is so difficult to achieve However, I know it is worth it

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Hello

I realize this. Salvation is so difficult to achieve However, I know it is worth it

Welcome Nattie! We seem to be getting quite a few unsaved ginger whores in here lately. I do hope there is sunshine in your future, as you seem a bit down in the dumps.

Just put your life in Jesus' warm and capable hands and things will work themselves out. I do hope you own a KJV 1611 Bible, as all other Bibles are false and therefore useless in helping you to gain salvation.